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  3. Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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    wrote last edited by
    #142

    Complete obliviation.

    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
    1
    • W [email protected]

      I'd like to be granted the ability to, at any time and without limitation on scope, number, or length, ask the universe questions (asked in the dialect of modern english in which I am fluent without requiring specific location, action or other ritual) and know the answers to those questions, but with the following stipulations:

      • that all answers are to be formatted and delivered in such a way that I understand them, without any changes or consequences that my current self (as of the writing of this statement, in my current condition) would consider a significant change to my physical and mental stability, and without requiring more than 3600 metric seconds (relative to my worldline) to understand in fullness, and being delivered in a timeframe of less than 3600 metric seconds (relative to my worldline).
      • that any redactions due to such stability concerns as in the prior stipulations are to be formatted and delivered as part of the reformatted answer
      • that any answer which is inherently unknowable returns an explanation for why it is unknowable, formatted as an answer pursuant to the prior stipulations
      • that no answers pursuant to the ability lead to circular logic
      • that this ability, its answers and enabling factors shall not require a sacrifice which my current self (as described above under my current circumstances when informed of the context of the sacrifice in plain English communication) would not think reasonable.
      • that if such a sacrifice is required, an explanation of the requisite sacrifice and the factors requiring it be returned to me, formatted as an answer pursuant to the prior stipulations
      • that I am to be able to choose to transfer any of these answers to another individual of any species, and that the individual be able to understand the answers, so long as the prior stipulations on sacrifice and physical and mental stability are satisfied both for myself and the secondary individual.
      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote last edited by
      #143

      Hmm, I was going to say you go insane but I see you've covered that. Okay, nice. Any question you ask will receive a safe response (answered if possible). However, you must ask the questions out loud and every answer given will be in a booming voice that nearly everyone hears around the world. The answers do not physically or mentally harm you, but other people may have psychotic breaks depending on the questions you ask:

      (To be clear, the wish doesn't give you the second ability to talk to animals or transmit thoughts. You'll have to ask about whether those things are possible.)

      W 1 Reply Last reply
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      • W [email protected]

        So long as I'm aware of this, I have no problem with it. If I get to learn and advance.

        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote last edited by
        #144

        You become aware of your ability the first time you reach the end of the time loop.

        1 Reply Last reply
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        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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          wrote last edited by
          #145

          Change Earth trajectory and inertia to intersect the Sun at 0.9c

          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
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          • N [email protected]

            Complete obliviation.

            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote last edited by [email protected]
            #146

            Sure, you are now the owner (of a copy) of the "Rex Nihilio" album from Massachusetts death metal/deathcore band "Obliviation".

            https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Obliviation/3540463485

            N G insomniac_lemon@lemmy.cafeI 3 Replies Last reply
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            • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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              wrote last edited by
              #147

              Cancel all requests in this post that would cause harm to anyone.

              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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                orenj@lemmy.sdf.orgO This user is from outside of this forum
                orenj@lemmy.sdf.orgO This user is from outside of this forum
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                wrote last edited by [email protected]
                #148

                Can you transmute my body to be a self sustaining nonsenescent machine? thanks

                J balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 2 Replies Last reply
                1
                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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                  gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.deG This user is from outside of this forum
                  gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.deG This user is from outside of this forum
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                  wrote last edited by
                  #149

                  i'd want my mother back, please

                  balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                  1
                  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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                    wrote last edited by
                    #150

                    I'd like a pleasant surprise that has no negative consequences whatsoever.

                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                    1
                    • P [email protected]

                      Let’s try making Karma a real universal force

                      W This user is from outside of this forum
                      W This user is from outside of this forum
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                      wrote last edited by
                      #151

                      unfortunate if it's the type that goes off of personal moral compass

                      1 Reply Last reply
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                      • I [email protected]

                        Change Earth trajectory and inertia to intersect the Sun at 0.9c

                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
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                        wrote last edited by
                        #152

                        Okay, but everyone knows it was you. Near-light speed here we go:

                        I 1 Reply Last reply
                        1
                        • M [email protected]

                          I'd like a pleasant surprise that has no negative consequences whatsoever.

                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote last edited by
                          #153

                          Done. 152 Visual Phenomena & Optical Illusions with explanations by Michael Bach: https://michaelbach.de/ot/

                          M 1 Reply Last reply
                          3
                          • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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                            cilethesane@lemmy.caC This user is from outside of this forum
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                            wrote last edited by [email protected]
                            #154

                            Could you spread all the empathy across everyone evenly, and then increase it by about 10%?

                            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI 2 Replies Last reply
                            1
                            • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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                              basxto@discuss.tchncs.deB This user is from outside of this forum
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                              wrote last edited by
                              #155

                              Yes, mybody wants anything. Though the community says anything goes, so I’m not sure how long I’ll have it 🤔

                              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                Sure, you are now the owner (of a copy) of the "Rex Nihilio" album from Massachusetts death metal/deathcore band "Obliviation".

                                https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Obliviation/3540463485

                                N This user is from outside of this forum
                                N This user is from outside of this forum
                                [email protected]
                                wrote last edited by
                                #156

                                A little rough around the edges, but solid stuff, no complaints. Really not bad for a monkey paw thing.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                0
                                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                  Hmm, I was going to say you go insane but I see you've covered that. Okay, nice. Any question you ask will receive a safe response (answered if possible). However, you must ask the questions out loud and every answer given will be in a booming voice that nearly everyone hears around the world. The answers do not physically or mentally harm you, but other people may have psychotic breaks depending on the questions you ask:

                                  (To be clear, the wish doesn't give you the second ability to talk to animals or transmit thoughts. You'll have to ask about whether those things are possible.)

                                  W This user is from outside of this forum
                                  W This user is from outside of this forum
                                  [email protected]
                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #157

                                  Fair. I would argue that "many people going insane" would be covered under the sacrifice clause, but hey, this seems like the best of all possible outcomes from mucking about with reality.

                                  balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                                  0
                                  • J [email protected]

                                    For the lazy, here is the summarization of my local AI:

                                    You'd like to have a powerful ability: being able to ask the universe any question in modern English at any time, without limitations or rituals, and receive an answer that's:

                                    1. Understandable by your current self (no significant changes to physical or mental stability)
                                    2. Delivered within 3600 seconds (an hour) of asking
                                    3. Reformatted if necessary to protect your stability
                                    4. Includes explanations for unknowable questions
                                    5. Avoids circular logic
                                    6. Doesn't require an unreasonable sacrifice (if a sacrifice is needed, you'll be informed)
                                    7. Allows transfer of answers to another individual, as long as they can understand the answer and meet the previous conditions.

                                    In essence, you want to have direct access to all knowledge in the universe, without any negative consequences or sacrifices that might harm your well-being or stability.

                                    W This user is from outside of this forum
                                    W This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote last edited by [email protected]
                                    #158

                                    Yes, unlimited access to universal truth, with error reporting, but I've read enough monkey's paws to know how this goes.

                                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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                                      drunkanroot@sh.itjust.worksD This user is from outside of this forum
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                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #159

                                      2 kittens

                                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                        Half-Life 3 Confirmed:

                                        samus12345@sh.itjust.worksS This user is from outside of this forum
                                        samus12345@sh.itjust.worksS This user is from outside of this forum
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                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #160

                                        Wow, the other guy told me that was too large a nudge! Thanks, balderdash!

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #161

                                          Can you clear both my nasal passages so I can breath through them simultaneously?

                                          T balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 2 Replies Last reply
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