do you think freewill truly exists?
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My steppairents are like this and beeing with them, at a meal table, and have nobody say anything for 20 Minutes is so fucking wired. I am getting used to it, but it's still off as fuck.
I'm interested to know the dynamic that causes two step parents to be together like that. Is it one parent and one step parent or a step parent that remarried and now you have a step step parent?
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But at least it’s a conversation you can work with “oh yeah it’s so nice we should go do X” or “yeah it’s crazy out there, we should stay in and watch a movie and snuggle” the point of small talk is to open avenues of conversation… I think people just don’t know how to have conversations anymore and chalk it up to “not liking small talk”. Observation and response is a perfectly normal way to start a conversation
I think it's more about your expectation from interactions with strangers. I will tolerate a ton of weather talk from my wife but if the guy taking my order at 5 Guys tries the same thing it's not going to be as well received.
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I think it's more about your expectation from interactions with strangers. I will tolerate a ton of weather talk from my wife but if the guy taking my order at 5 Guys tries the same thing it's not going to be as well received.
Why? I like when strangers try to talk to me honestly
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- Nope.
- Why ?
- Because I said so. Go to your room and do your homework.
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We would share comfortable silences and not feel the need to talk at all.
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I mean yeah kind of. I like having these kinds of conversations far more than boilerplate smalltalk.
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Id rather discuss that than what someone did last weekend tbh.
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Alright. I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.
Is that because you are choosing to, or because of destiny?
It's because the burrito is getting cold.
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Why? I like when strangers try to talk to me honestly
I think I like it more than most but not just to hear words out loud. If you have a story about the weather impacting your day that's much more interesting than just commenting on it in general.
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Sorry mate, that’s gone right over my head. She’s said to me that “love is putting up with your partners downsides”. I’m a massive pain in the arse, so …
She's not wrong. I just meant her muttering may be about the downsides. Not always, ofc, because I'm single and still mutter.
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Id rather discuss that than what someone did last weekend tbh.
That's the point of this post. That's fun for me too. But if you're living with someone, you've found out what their opinion on free will and almost every other deep conversation you could have with them in the first few years. How will it look 15 years later? Either you rehash the same conversation about free will multiple times a day or you wander around the same house in abject silence for months until one of you can think of a good continuation of that 20 year long "what is the meaning of life?" conversation you've been having. Instead just learn to small talk, life is long and it's nice to have the affirmation that a loved one still pays attention to and cares about your day to day.
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Small talk is the equivalent of dogs sniffing each others ass. The topic isn't really the point, it's just a quick and easy way to gauge another person's mood and attitude towards you. It's a skill worth developing. And I say this as someone with social anxiety.
I think the analogy is a bit crude but quite bang on.
I think it's a good skill too and I have been clinically diagnosed with anxiety.
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I mean yeah kind of. I like having these kinds of conversations far more than boilerplate smalltalk.
Do you... Like stuff?
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We gossip about our coworkers/classmates /people we know in common or talk about shared hobbies and upcoming plans together.
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I'm interested to know the dynamic that causes two step parents to be together like that. Is it one parent and one step parent or a step parent that remarried and now you have a step step parent?
Just two parents to a person named Step.
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Being in a relationship means you can come home and totally info-dump unguarded about whatever weird thing you're contemplating and the person opposite you will be happy you're there and delighted that you're happy or sad with you if you're sad. It also means you do this for the other person with genuine interest. I don't call that "small talk".
This is it.
My wife comes home and fires on all cylinders about her day. Then I share how much my one coworker sucks and what they did today.
Then we wonder about the heat death of the universe.
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I think the point is more to filter out people quickly who you couldn't be in a sustainable relationship with anyways.
I don't mind it as much as i used to anymore. But ten years ago, i consistently associated "small-talk" people with people who were superficial and wouldn't comprehend important issues should they ever come up anyways.
Also i'm not sure how right i was about that.
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Pretty much yeah.
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Free will exists, the conditions to have free will do not exist.
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I think the point is more to filter out people quickly who you couldn't be in a sustainable relationship with anyways.
I don't mind it as much as i used to anymore. But ten years ago, i consistently associated "small-talk" people with people who were superficial and wouldn't comprehend important issues should they ever come up anyways.
Also i'm not sure how right i was about that.
You need a bit balance of everything. I used to be snooty about small-talk. Eventually I started noticing that the most personable people, who make someone new feel welcome, included, and who make you feel like you're noticed and worth remembering through recalling basic personal details--these people have excellent small-talk skills.
I think part of why small-talk often feels pointless is because people don't enter into it intentionally, with purpose. If you go into it with purpose, like creating a good social experience for others, or building/maintaining 2nd/3rd order social connections in a humanizing way, it feels a lot different. Like anything, it's still exhausting after a certain amount.
