do you think freewill truly exists?
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When most people say "I hate small talk" it's because they don't socialize broadly and don't really "get" how it works, and how it's often just a way of expressing how you feel at that moment, and when two people are making small-talk, it's less about the information being shared and more about the tone, intimacy and connection, like sharing space and being open with passing thoughts.
People in a healthy relationship will "small talk" for hours about the weather or pizza prices, and then launch into a deep debate about post-modernism and expressionist art, which will dissolve as one or both get distracted by the pizza finally arriving.
When someone says "I hate small talk" it just reveals they have no understanding how human connection actually works and think two people talking has to play out narratively like media, television shows or movies.
Pal you actually sounds like someone who really HATES small talk, Jesus...
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But most people who are invested in small talk will be giving the signals they think the other person wants, making it less useful than not talking at all.
This is coming from someone who learned how to do small talk, watches other people completely flip their personality the moment they are out of the small talk, and only uses it when necessary because everyone else does. I do avoid common topics I have no interest in, like watching sports, and avoid getting into the weeds of topics and that works well enough for anyone I would want to talk to later.
But most people who are invested in small talk will be giving the signals they think the other person wants, making it less useful than not talking at all.
I don't think this is true. When I engage in small talk, I don't see it as me bending flexibly to the conversation partner's wants. I'm testing to see if there are common overlaps that we can talk about, and talking for the sake of being entertained. If the other person turns out not to be a good conversation partner for me in that moment, I don't think anything of just moving on. I'm not trying to please them, I'm trying to enjoy myself.
I can't imagine I'm in the minority here.
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Hey baby I brought home some dinner-
“Husband. Thy presence brings thoughts of philosophical questions.”
Alright. I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.wrote last edited by [email protected]I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.
But pray tell doth the burrito qualify as a sandwich
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The way I understand "Smalltalk" is not whether the subject matter is "serious enough" but rather whether either party actually has any interest in it, or if it is a polite nicety to avoid awkward silence.
Discussing the weather in a car ride with a coworker is smalltalk, contemplating with a friend how one might conquer the world using ant-controlling super powers is not.
This exactly. "Do you think free will exists" could, in fact, be small talk, if neither of you is particularly interested in the topic.
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My steppairents are like this and beeing with them, at a meal table, and have nobody say anything for 20 Minutes is so fucking wired. I am getting used to it, but it's still off as fuck.
I like the word "pairents"
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Being in a relationship means you can come home and totally info-dump unguarded about whatever weird thing you're contemplating and the person opposite you will be happy you're there and delighted that you're happy or sad with you if you're sad. It also means you do this for the other person with genuine interest. I don't call that "small talk".
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"Such weather we're having huh?"
Truly peak romance
wrote last edited by [email protected]But at least it’s a conversation you can work with “oh yeah it’s so nice we should go do X” or “yeah it’s crazy out there, we should stay in and watch a movie and snuggle” the point of small talk is to open avenues of conversation… I think people just don’t know how to have conversations anymore and chalk it up to “not liking small talk”. Observation and response is a perfectly normal way to start a conversation
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When most people say "I hate small talk" it's because they don't socialize broadly and don't really "get" how it works, and how it's often just a way of expressing how you feel at that moment, and when two people are making small-talk, it's less about the information being shared and more about the tone, intimacy and connection, like sharing space and being open with passing thoughts.
People in a healthy relationship will "small talk" for hours about the weather or pizza prices, and then launch into a deep debate about post-modernism and expressionist art, which will dissolve as one or both get distracted by the pizza finally arriving.
When someone says "I hate small talk" it just reveals they have no understanding how human connection actually works and think two people talking has to play out narratively like media, television shows or movies.
Small talk is the human equivalent to the initialization/handshake phase of the TCP protocol.
It establishes the connection, introduces the speakers, validates the presence of the other, and then allows data transmission to take place.
Unlike computers, we humans require years of practice to get it correct because there isn't one set standard.
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More like "hi honey, I'm home, would you fancy a quick fuck?"
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My steppairents are like this and beeing with them, at a meal table, and have nobody say anything for 20 Minutes is so fucking wired. I am getting used to it, but it's still off as fuck.
I'm interested to know the dynamic that causes two step parents to be together like that. Is it one parent and one step parent or a step parent that remarried and now you have a step step parent?
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But at least it’s a conversation you can work with “oh yeah it’s so nice we should go do X” or “yeah it’s crazy out there, we should stay in and watch a movie and snuggle” the point of small talk is to open avenues of conversation… I think people just don’t know how to have conversations anymore and chalk it up to “not liking small talk”. Observation and response is a perfectly normal way to start a conversation
I think it's more about your expectation from interactions with strangers. I will tolerate a ton of weather talk from my wife but if the guy taking my order at 5 Guys tries the same thing it's not going to be as well received.
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I think it's more about your expectation from interactions with strangers. I will tolerate a ton of weather talk from my wife but if the guy taking my order at 5 Guys tries the same thing it's not going to be as well received.
Why? I like when strangers try to talk to me honestly
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- Nope.
- Why ?
- Because I said so. Go to your room and do your homework.
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We would share comfortable silences and not feel the need to talk at all.
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I mean yeah kind of. I like having these kinds of conversations far more than boilerplate smalltalk.
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Id rather discuss that than what someone did last weekend tbh.
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Alright. I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.
Is that because you are choosing to, or because of destiny?
It's because the burrito is getting cold.
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Why? I like when strangers try to talk to me honestly
I think I like it more than most but not just to hear words out loud. If you have a story about the weather impacting your day that's much more interesting than just commenting on it in general.
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Sorry mate, that’s gone right over my head. She’s said to me that “love is putting up with your partners downsides”. I’m a massive pain in the arse, so …
She's not wrong. I just meant her muttering may be about the downsides. Not always, ofc, because I'm single and still mutter.
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Id rather discuss that than what someone did last weekend tbh.
That's the point of this post. That's fun for me too. But if you're living with someone, you've found out what their opinion on free will and almost every other deep conversation you could have with them in the first few years. How will it look 15 years later? Either you rehash the same conversation about free will multiple times a day or you wander around the same house in abject silence for months until one of you can think of a good continuation of that 20 year long "what is the meaning of life?" conversation you've been having. Instead just learn to small talk, life is long and it's nice to have the affirmation that a loved one still pays attention to and cares about your day to day.
