How old is too old to have kids, in your opinion?
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Yeah, that's what I meant. I always felt appreciated, deeply loved and supported.
I suspect we might not actually disagree but just have a different way of expressing what we mean, since we apparently come from different cultural backgrounds. I'm from Germany and I'm told the way we talk about our feelings can sometimes seem dispassionate and cold to others.
wrote last edited by [email protected]It seems like it and, in that case, fantastic, lol. Maybe I was too quick to judge and a little bit silly and the lady in OP might also become a wonderful mom like the one you had, she just hasn't been one yet!
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If you're expected to die before your kid turns 30-35, you're too old.
So if life expectancy of your husband (factoring in your genetics and family medical history) is, say 81 or older, then sure, go ahead.
As for your age (maternal age), it generally should not be older than 40, and optimally younder then 35, so you're at the right age. (Because older women tend to have children with developmental issues, biologically speaking)
He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
Um yea this is not optimal... my older brother is only like 5 years older and we already have a lot of problems.
I have a gap with my sibling of about 9 years apart. We get along fine
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Since you said in my opinion, any age. Kids suck. Lets just die off as a species
The other species aren't great either, though. If we're doing omnicide we've got to be thorough!
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The childrens' age gap seems like a non-issue to me. Older brother would just take on a sort of uncle role. I know several people with large gaps in their siblings ages, and while they don't have the traditional sibling bond, they don't harbor any ill will towards their siblings either.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Yeah, a 5-10 year gap might be the biggest danger zone. Too far to play together, too close to not both be "the kids". And then it varies just by what kind of people they both turn out to be.
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I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
wrote last edited by [email protected]A lot of this is cultural. What a parent should be able to do, what a "normal" family looks like and so on. I feel like it would be good to ask kids of older parents instead, because at the end of the day their experience is what matters. I suspect that they'd say growing up with an old dad was fine.
As for stuff about medical risk to the kid, it's always there. Ditto for the comments about risk of their life sucking. How much risk is too much risk is the real question.
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I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
Today.
Today is too old to doom another poor bastard.
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I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
Eh. My parents are really old and im youngish. It kind of sucks. I wouldn't do it
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I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
We have friends with a similar age gap, she is I think 36 and he is 56 now. Their son is 3.5. He also has grown up kids not much younger than his wife. The kid was planned.
It's hard and he is passing on having another child for age reasons (see below), but their son is great and none of them regret the decision. The dad's back and knee are bad, so running after their Duracell powered son who looks like Finn from Adventure Time (that hair! Dude is set for life, he'll make bank as a hair modell) can get difficult. But they manage and are active and a very cute and happy family. Having a kid is always hard and stressful, unless you are a tiktok influencer, then it is the easiest thing you've done because it comes so naturally to you /s
As for it "feeling strange": from my own life experience, things only feel strange if you allow them to feel strange. Everything can be awkward and weird and strange and whatever, or you just decide this is your life and only you get to decide what is and what is not strange.
As for my friends, I think nothing about anything in their life feels weird. She literally lived with her now husband and his son for a while. It was fine. His kids are cool with the younger sibling. They get to choose what is normal. They chose that this is. Their family is. This is their family and their normality.
To add: Having two little kids vs one little kid is a whole different level. He has first hand experience in that, so I don't think not wanting another kid means he regrets it. Not at all. I think he just realizes that this would be not double as hard but quadruple as hard and he won't be able to do that. My husband is 35 and cannot imagine having a second child for similar reasons. He just doesn't have the energy level for another small being - and it will be more than double the energy required, while he couldn't give an extra 50% even if he wanted to.
So the question is really, how do you feel about it? Do you two have some energy left? Are you ok with taking on the majority of the physical work? Even if your partner is doing fine physically now, he might decline sooner than you think, unexpectedly.
I might add, bluntly: you have already decided that it is ok for you that the likely (if not ideal) outcome of your relationship is that your husband dies much before you. You will likely be a young widow. It might also be that he lives to 100 and you die in a freak accident after reading this. I'm not telling you anything new here. This is just to remind you of your choice and your thoughts on this when you decided to commit to each other. Because a lot of people point out that your kid might not have a dad for long. (Which, yeah, other people lose their parents at a young age too, but having it be more likely is another thing, although, does this mean sick/disabled people with a shortened life span should not have kids either, and then we are in eugenics territory or the antinatalists chime in.)
Anyway, I'll get a lot of hate in the comments (honestly taking this question to lemmy where a lot of antinatalists are hanging out is crazy) but in my opinion - which must be totally valuable to you lol - I'd go for it. Even if it is hard and you reach your limits, this is such a short time of intense chaos in your life. And then you'll have a kid. You'll have experienced this crazy thing. And love and support don't care for your age. Hugs and kisses are just as heartfelt. Your kid will be just as much of their own person, no matter what age their parents were. We all don't have a perfect family. But as I mentioned above, normal is what you define is normal. And a perfect and ideal family is whatever you decide it is.
Thank you for reading all of this.
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I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
Have the kid if you both feel you want it. As an older father your husband will have qualities that a younger man wouldn’t have.
Only factors that count are the health of both of you and if you will care for and love the child.
The latter you both know already, ask yourselves. The latter can be easily checked by a health professional.
Go ahead and do something beautiful.
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I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
I never really wanted them anyway. But now, at 49, There's no way in hell I'm raising a child. My S.O. has two adult kids, the youngest of which just graduated from highschool. And I didn't come into their lives until they were already teenagers and that is perfect. I can offer them "fatherly" advice if they ask, and their mom and I can go out and actually have a life without planning around babysitters a week in advance.
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I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
- By the time they turn 20, you're 60. What kind of childhood can you provide if you're older than that? It's about THEM. The age is purely based on what you can provide them and for how many years.
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I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
Idk about other folks but for me my cutoff is 40. I'm only now starting my 30s and I already can't see how I'd be doing active stuff beyond that. It would be irresponsible on my part. That and I can't even afford a house rn so haha
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Forget 'if you're this old your kid is this old'. Older men produce subpar sperm that can cause birth defects, pre-eclampsia and premature birth. It's not just dangerous for the child but for the mother too.
How is no one else bringing this up?
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I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
- Otherwise you're getting too old to properly take care of your kids over the years. Never too old to adopt though
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I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Any age.
If there are foster kids available who need a home, then it is immoral to make more children
But i would say most people 30+ are fine adopting.
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Any age.
If there are foster kids available who need a home, then it is immoral to make more children
But i would say most people 30+ are fine adopting.
Breeders on the downvotes
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- Otherwise you're getting too old to properly take care of your kids over the years. Never too old to adopt though
I hope this is a troll post. 35 is a typical age where one settles in life, not old.
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I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Strictly speaking from a biological sense: whetever age the woman is when she has no eggs to fertilize.
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I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
wrote last edited by [email protected]I had some in my 20s and some late 30s and I personally wouldn't want to literally be pregnant older than 40.
If I was not married though, and if I had more money wouldn't mind fostering to adopt a couple of teenagers. My kids are adult now, they are a good network and those older kids get set free without any help or place to land, we could give family to more kids.
More relevant to your situation - there are no guarantees even if you aren't old. My dad died when I was 16, he was only in his 50s and I wouldn't change anything, we were so close, I would rather have had him for my early years than anyone else for longer. And my kids and step kids, the gap between oldest and youngest is 22 years and they all get along. If his kids have kids I do think that could get weird.
ETA - old dads do introduce some risk, higher chance of schizophrenia for one thing, so do consider that, if you thought it was only the mom's age that mattered.
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I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
You're asking for opinions so here's mine.
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It's kind of a shitty world to bring a child into. I know people have said this for probably centuries, but now it's more true, I think, due to climate change, politics, technology, etc.
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Are you wealthy? If not, kids are expensive and makes you more dependent on not losing your job.
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Kids ruin your independence and maybe your relationship. Would you and your husband agree on how the child would be raised. What would happen if you broke up?
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Your husband will be 70 when the child turns 18. SEVENTY! ( I can't see the post while I'm typing. I think you said he's 51, right? )
People always say they are happy they did it and wouldn't give up parenthood for anything. But they also say they were happiest BEFORE the children arrived.
That said there are lots of positives too, but this is sort of from my perspective when we had to make the choice. My wife is a devout Christian and I'm an atheist. I let her do her thing and she lets me do mine. We don't talk about religion really, but a decision would have to be made regarding a child.
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