Privacy Recommendations for a Young Teen
-
So I have a young teen entering 7th grade and so they're about to receive their first phone. With that, it opens a lot of doors to all the big tech social media apps and privacy invasive services.
I'm not sure how to approach this. My parents probably want tracking features so it'll probably be Find My or a 3rd party app like life360 depending on if we choose iphone or degoogled pixel.
Social media I'm not sure if fediverse stuff is the right path especially for lemmy, since it's just tech nerd stuff and politics which isn't interesting really unless they go out of their way to find smaller communities. Their friends will probably force them onto Instagram or some shit and I don't really want them doomscolling on reels, that shit algorithm, and the malicious messaging app built in to it.
It's just kinda hard trying to blend being a functional member of society and maintain your mental well being and privacy.
iPhone. Parental controls.
The goal here is to make sure they can be safe online, by telling them to watch what they say, don't post personal info publicly or send it to strangers. Don't try to control what they do online, because it won't work. Banning them from using platforms like instagram when all their friends are using it is just going to make them the weird kid. I don't know if they explicitly support account limits for kids, but there are digital wellbeing tools that let you set warnings and limits on apps.
I also wouldn't use any tracking tools outside the family location sharing. And I wouldn't give anyone else access to it, like their grandparents, unless there's a need, like it's just them and the grandparents on a trip.
-
So I have a young teen entering 7th grade and so they're about to receive their first phone. With that, it opens a lot of doors to all the big tech social media apps and privacy invasive services.
I'm not sure how to approach this. My parents probably want tracking features so it'll probably be Find My or a 3rd party app like life360 depending on if we choose iphone or degoogled pixel.
Social media I'm not sure if fediverse stuff is the right path especially for lemmy, since it's just tech nerd stuff and politics which isn't interesting really unless they go out of their way to find smaller communities. Their friends will probably force them onto Instagram or some shit and I don't really want them doomscolling on reels, that shit algorithm, and the malicious messaging app built in to it.
It's just kinda hard trying to blend being a functional member of society and maintain your mental well being and privacy.
i‘m not writing this from the perspective of a parent, but a 23yo Gen Z who’s had parents which didn’t know what to regulate.
in some places my parents regulated „very intensely“. oftentimes they did so quite suddenly and without much communication/ explanation.
then again there were times and places where the lack of regulation allowed me to spend hours and hours each day, doom scrolling on instagram.
i spent years contemplating the situations and what would’ve been good.
your child’s mental health is the main key. in my experience the lack of self regulation is a coping mechanism. i was doing horribly and my parents solution wasn’t to help me, but to play whack a mole with symptoms by regulating. don’t get me wrong tho, it’s not just me, ive seen this a bunch of times with other ppl too.
-> the better your kids mental health, the less there will be a need to regulate. if they do struggle, help them by working with them, not against them. look for solutions with them. don’t just set regulations, discuss what to do WITH THEM. let them set targets and what to do if they aren’t met with you. there will be lots of resentment and cheating around restrictions if you don’t work with them. everyone i know who’s been forced into find my or live360 has used a variety of techniques to spoof their location. not to mention that all of them at least kinda hate their parents for it.so:
- if you want regulations to work, they need to be voluntary.
- ensure good mental health to prevent media abuse as coping mechanism.
they say that strict parents raise liars, and i’ve seen that proven many times.
-
So I have a young teen entering 7th grade and so they're about to receive their first phone. With that, it opens a lot of doors to all the big tech social media apps and privacy invasive services.
I'm not sure how to approach this. My parents probably want tracking features so it'll probably be Find My or a 3rd party app like life360 depending on if we choose iphone or degoogled pixel.
Social media I'm not sure if fediverse stuff is the right path especially for lemmy, since it's just tech nerd stuff and politics which isn't interesting really unless they go out of their way to find smaller communities. Their friends will probably force them onto Instagram or some shit and I don't really want them doomscolling on reels, that shit algorithm, and the malicious messaging app built in to it.
It's just kinda hard trying to blend being a functional member of society and maintain your mental well being and privacy.
My opinion generally aligns with those who are saying to talk with them so they have a better understanding and don't try to be overly strict with parental controls and such.
What I do want to add and don't see in other comments is that if you want tracking software, you can set up fmd locator. It uses contact whitelisting so if they get a specific text from a whitelisted contact it will automatically text back their location. It isn't for the use case of constant tracking to see if they're sneaking out or whatever but if you want something that's more trust based location sharing.
-
i‘m not writing this from the perspective of a parent, but a 23yo Gen Z who’s had parents which didn’t know what to regulate.
in some places my parents regulated „very intensely“. oftentimes they did so quite suddenly and without much communication/ explanation.
then again there were times and places where the lack of regulation allowed me to spend hours and hours each day, doom scrolling on instagram.
i spent years contemplating the situations and what would’ve been good.
your child’s mental health is the main key. in my experience the lack of self regulation is a coping mechanism. i was doing horribly and my parents solution wasn’t to help me, but to play whack a mole with symptoms by regulating. don’t get me wrong tho, it’s not just me, ive seen this a bunch of times with other ppl too.
-> the better your kids mental health, the less there will be a need to regulate. if they do struggle, help them by working with them, not against them. look for solutions with them. don’t just set regulations, discuss what to do WITH THEM. let them set targets and what to do if they aren’t met with you. there will be lots of resentment and cheating around restrictions if you don’t work with them. everyone i know who’s been forced into find my or live360 has used a variety of techniques to spoof their location. not to mention that all of them at least kinda hate their parents for it.so:
- if you want regulations to work, they need to be voluntary.
- ensure good mental health to prevent media abuse as coping mechanism.
they say that strict parents raise liars, and i’ve seen that proven many times.
It isn't a strict environment at all, it's more so for my parents' piece of my mind just wondering where they're at. It's not like they can't go anywhere or browse anything online.
-
So I have a young teen entering 7th grade and so they're about to receive their first phone. With that, it opens a lot of doors to all the big tech social media apps and privacy invasive services.
I'm not sure how to approach this. My parents probably want tracking features so it'll probably be Find My or a 3rd party app like life360 depending on if we choose iphone or degoogled pixel.
Social media I'm not sure if fediverse stuff is the right path especially for lemmy, since it's just tech nerd stuff and politics which isn't interesting really unless they go out of their way to find smaller communities. Their friends will probably force them onto Instagram or some shit and I don't really want them doomscolling on reels, that shit algorithm, and the malicious messaging app built in to it.
It's just kinda hard trying to blend being a functional member of society and maintain your mental well being and privacy.
You can't stop them but you can teach them to make their oem good decisions.
-
It isn't a strict environment at all, it's more so for my parents' piece of my mind just wondering where they're at. It's not like they can't go anywhere or browse anything online.
At the end of the day, your parents are your parents not your kid's parent. You raise your kid the way you feel best.
-
So I have a young teen entering 7th grade and so they're about to receive their first phone. With that, it opens a lot of doors to all the big tech social media apps and privacy invasive services.
I'm not sure how to approach this. My parents probably want tracking features so it'll probably be Find My or a 3rd party app like life360 depending on if we choose iphone or degoogled pixel.
Social media I'm not sure if fediverse stuff is the right path especially for lemmy, since it's just tech nerd stuff and politics which isn't interesting really unless they go out of their way to find smaller communities. Their friends will probably force them onto Instagram or some shit and I don't really want them doomscolling on reels, that shit algorithm, and the malicious messaging app built in to it.
It's just kinda hard trying to blend being a functional member of society and maintain your mental well being and privacy.
If privacy is your topic, iPhones are out.
You could check /e/OS for example with Fairphone that includes parental control feature.
Your parents do not matter in this context and it would be shameful to use such features.Avoid tracking apps and tracking in apps. Avoid big tech like Meta and use Signal instead. If your child is not willing to do without Tiktok, Insta and so on, you won't prevent. You can only explain. Remember: Divice literacy is not media literacy
-
If privacy is your topic, iPhones are out.
You could check /e/OS for example with Fairphone that includes parental control feature.
Your parents do not matter in this context and it would be shameful to use such features.Avoid tracking apps and tracking in apps. Avoid big tech like Meta and use Signal instead. If your child is not willing to do without Tiktok, Insta and so on, you won't prevent. You can only explain. Remember: Divice literacy is not media literacy
-
So I have a young teen entering 7th grade and so they're about to receive their first phone. With that, it opens a lot of doors to all the big tech social media apps and privacy invasive services.
I'm not sure how to approach this. My parents probably want tracking features so it'll probably be Find My or a 3rd party app like life360 depending on if we choose iphone or degoogled pixel.
Social media I'm not sure if fediverse stuff is the right path especially for lemmy, since it's just tech nerd stuff and politics which isn't interesting really unless they go out of their way to find smaller communities. Their friends will probably force them onto Instagram or some shit and I don't really want them doomscolling on reels, that shit algorithm, and the malicious messaging app built in to it.
It's just kinda hard trying to blend being a functional member of society and maintain your mental well being and privacy.
Just make sure they know anything they put on these big tech platforms are there forever, regardless of what claims they make about “disappearing messages” etc. Do your best to guide them towards encrypted services for their own protection. As much as I hate this, iPhones are a decent recommendation in the US since almost every young person uses iMessage as the default, and that has end to end encryption available. Work to inform them on the dangers of corporate spying and profiling, as well as data leaks and security, and let them have some sovereignty over their platforms. Keeping an eye on them is good; isolating them from important modern social circles isn’t. Inform and educate first and foremost
-
Hello there!
First off, good for you for looking out for the privacy of others!
Unfortunately, you can't force privacy onto someone. That has to be a choice the person makes for themself. If you want your teen to live a private life, talk to them about it. Explain the dangers of social media, and don't try to sidestep the issue, just be honest. Avoid trying to "trick" someone into privacy, because that leads to bad outcomes down the road.
Using GrapheneOS is your best bet for a private phone. If you want to maintain some control over the device, have your teen use a secondary profile and restrict which apps can be installed using the owner profile that only you have access to. This also adds the benefit of being able to restrict access to the device (if that's your thing) just by restarting it, since the teen won't be able to unlock it. I'm not here to tell you how to be a parent.
Social media I’m not sure if fediverse stuff is the right path especially for lemmy, since it’s just tech nerd stuff and politics which isn’t interesting really unless they go out of their way to find smaller communities.
I agree with this, and it's currently a downside to less mainstream social media. It will always be tailored to a specific community until it grows or becomes mainstream. If you really want your teen to use only open source apps, Bluesky is a good open source option while still being mainstream.
My parents probably want tracking features so it’ll probably be Find My or a 3rd party app like life360
You can talk with them about alternatives, such as an Airtag or other similar devices, or having no tracking at all. Again, I'm not here to tell you how to parent. One point you can bring up is that it's quite easy to trick those tracking apps (turning off the device, turning off location, turning on Airplane Mode, using a mock location app, etc.) so they aren't very useful.
It’s just kinda hard trying to blend being a functional member of society and maintain your mental well being and privacy.
This is why privacy is a choice. It's up to the person how private they want to be, but the most you can do is educate about privacy and raise some alternatives.
In general, it depends on how much control you want to have over the digital life of your teen. The more control you have, the less autonomy the teen has and the more likely it is that the teen will resent the practices you put in place. However, the less control you have, the higher the risk of bad things happening. It's up to you which path to take. Something I learned is that you can never have total control, because people are crafty, but people are also very understanding and can adapt to their environment.
Hope this helps!
Avoid trying to "trick" someone into privacy, because that leads to bad outcomes down the road.
Privacy is a choice
This is something which is really important. Say whats right!
Great comment reply by you!
-
If privacy is your topic, iPhones are out.
You could check /e/OS for example with Fairphone that includes parental control feature.
Your parents do not matter in this context and it would be shameful to use such features.Avoid tracking apps and tracking in apps. Avoid big tech like Meta and use Signal instead. If your child is not willing to do without Tiktok, Insta and so on, you won't prevent. You can only explain. Remember: Divice literacy is not media literacy
Person is in seventh grade the fact their parents want to use parental controls isn't that odd.
-
So I have a young teen entering 7th grade and so they're about to receive their first phone. With that, it opens a lot of doors to all the big tech social media apps and privacy invasive services.
I'm not sure how to approach this. My parents probably want tracking features so it'll probably be Find My or a 3rd party app like life360 depending on if we choose iphone or degoogled pixel.
Social media I'm not sure if fediverse stuff is the right path especially for lemmy, since it's just tech nerd stuff and politics which isn't interesting really unless they go out of their way to find smaller communities. Their friends will probably force them onto Instagram or some shit and I don't really want them doomscolling on reels, that shit algorithm, and the malicious messaging app built in to it.
It's just kinda hard trying to blend being a functional member of society and maintain your mental well being and privacy.
My friends dumbass 12 year old kid was told he wouldn't be given access to any social media until he was at least 16. He claimed he understood, and then proceeded to make an Instagram account with his real name and started sending pervy messages to various insta thott accounts.
Basically as a parent you have to give them access to very limited apps and make them repeatedly demonstrate they won't misuse them. Then as they get older, assuming they don't do anything stupid or illegal, training wheels gradually come off.
-
So I have a young teen entering 7th grade and so they're about to receive their first phone. With that, it opens a lot of doors to all the big tech social media apps and privacy invasive services.
I'm not sure how to approach this. My parents probably want tracking features so it'll probably be Find My or a 3rd party app like life360 depending on if we choose iphone or degoogled pixel.
Social media I'm not sure if fediverse stuff is the right path especially for lemmy, since it's just tech nerd stuff and politics which isn't interesting really unless they go out of their way to find smaller communities. Their friends will probably force them onto Instagram or some shit and I don't really want them doomscolling on reels, that shit algorithm, and the malicious messaging app built in to it.
It's just kinda hard trying to blend being a functional member of society and maintain your mental well being and privacy.
The first and best measures are not only privacy apps, but a good security education, explaining well the risks and a correct use of the mobile. The biggest segurity hole is ignorance. You can't avoid with apps the missuse of the Phone by an teen with nonsense in the head. Establishing a strict Kiosk mode on the mobile is not the right way. A localisation app is of course wise and a good VPN can also be useful.
-
If privacy is your topic, iPhones are out.
You could check /e/OS for example with Fairphone that includes parental control feature.
Your parents do not matter in this context and it would be shameful to use such features.Avoid tracking apps and tracking in apps. Avoid big tech like Meta and use Signal instead. If your child is not willing to do without Tiktok, Insta and so on, you won't prevent. You can only explain. Remember: Divice literacy is not media literacy
iOS has a nice default set of privacy respecting apps. iOS isn’t perfect but it’s as close as you can get to having a usable phone while having some sort of privacy.
Android always sends requests to Google. A de-googled phone with no Play Services is too limiting.
-
So I have a young teen entering 7th grade and so they're about to receive their first phone. With that, it opens a lot of doors to all the big tech social media apps and privacy invasive services.
I'm not sure how to approach this. My parents probably want tracking features so it'll probably be Find My or a 3rd party app like life360 depending on if we choose iphone or degoogled pixel.
Social media I'm not sure if fediverse stuff is the right path especially for lemmy, since it's just tech nerd stuff and politics which isn't interesting really unless they go out of their way to find smaller communities. Their friends will probably force them onto Instagram or some shit and I don't really want them doomscolling on reels, that shit algorithm, and the malicious messaging app built in to it.
It's just kinda hard trying to blend being a functional member of society and maintain your mental well being and privacy.
We gave our oldest a basic feature flip-phone when he started Middle School, mainly so he could text and coordinate pickups. In 7th grade, we gave him a smartphone because he was going on a class trip to DC and the kids were encouraged to take pictures and share. At home, we made it a rule that the phone had to be plugged into charger in our bedroom to avoid bedtime disruption.
That same year I created social media accounts for him on every service, mainly to reserve his username. But they were all blocked using parental controls, based on advice from school. We also had software/hardware from Circle (now Aura: https://meetcircle.com/) that blocked access on wifi and cell and capped usage.
In high school, when he turned 16, as part of his birthday gift, we gave him an envelope with his own non-school email account, and all the links and passwords for social media accounts. We also took away all the filter blocks. Figured he was mature enough without feeling left out.
It really worked out well. Later, he asked to put usage limits back on so he would be forced to put it down and go to sleep.
-
So I have a young teen entering 7th grade and so they're about to receive their first phone. With that, it opens a lot of doors to all the big tech social media apps and privacy invasive services.
I'm not sure how to approach this. My parents probably want tracking features so it'll probably be Find My or a 3rd party app like life360 depending on if we choose iphone or degoogled pixel.
Social media I'm not sure if fediverse stuff is the right path especially for lemmy, since it's just tech nerd stuff and politics which isn't interesting really unless they go out of their way to find smaller communities. Their friends will probably force them onto Instagram or some shit and I don't really want them doomscolling on reels, that shit algorithm, and the malicious messaging app built in to it.
It's just kinda hard trying to blend being a functional member of society and maintain your mental well being and privacy.
If you scroll down to where this reply will end up:
Iphone is the right place to start. The parental controls are well thought out and have enough granularity for almost anyone and “find my” works great along with location sharing.
They have a bunch of built in privacy, mental health and use monitoring stuff so the person with the phone can use that themselves too.
It’s the most normal person phone there is so no chance they’ll be embarrassed or feel left out and because the platform is so common (assuming USA because “grades”) you’ll have an easy time coordinating with other parents and sharing how you’re dealing with stuff as they grow.
Good luck.
-
So I have a young teen entering 7th grade and so they're about to receive their first phone. With that, it opens a lot of doors to all the big tech social media apps and privacy invasive services.
I'm not sure how to approach this. My parents probably want tracking features so it'll probably be Find My or a 3rd party app like life360 depending on if we choose iphone or degoogled pixel.
Social media I'm not sure if fediverse stuff is the right path especially for lemmy, since it's just tech nerd stuff and politics which isn't interesting really unless they go out of their way to find smaller communities. Their friends will probably force them onto Instagram or some shit and I don't really want them doomscolling on reels, that shit algorithm, and the malicious messaging app built in to it.
It's just kinda hard trying to blend being a functional member of society and maintain your mental well being and privacy.
Calyx Phone
-
Calyx Phone
Also check its features https://www.hmd.com/en_int/hmd-fusion-x1
-
iOS has a nice default set of privacy respecting apps. iOS isn’t perfect but it’s as close as you can get to having a usable phone while having some sort of privacy.
Android always sends requests to Google. A de-googled phone with no Play Services is too limiting.
Android always sends requests to Google.
Can you please send references on that?
A de-googled phone with no Play Services is too limiting.
Isn't microG with alternative app stores sufficient for most people?
-
So I have a young teen entering 7th grade and so they're about to receive their first phone. With that, it opens a lot of doors to all the big tech social media apps and privacy invasive services.
I'm not sure how to approach this. My parents probably want tracking features so it'll probably be Find My or a 3rd party app like life360 depending on if we choose iphone or degoogled pixel.
Social media I'm not sure if fediverse stuff is the right path especially for lemmy, since it's just tech nerd stuff and politics which isn't interesting really unless they go out of their way to find smaller communities. Their friends will probably force them onto Instagram or some shit and I don't really want them doomscolling on reels, that shit algorithm, and the malicious messaging app built in to it.
It's just kinda hard trying to blend being a functional member of society and maintain your mental well being and privacy.
If you're in EU https://murena.com/smartphones/ is a good compromise IMHO.
