What is a fair way to split costs when my girlfriend moves in? (I own the apartment)
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Like others have said, one option is to have a chat with her.
Another option could be coming up with a percentage that fits your 30% increase in earnings:
Assuming you start with a 50/50 split, we can add a 30% increase to your share:
0.5 * (1 + 0.3) = 0.65This 30% increase leads to a 65/35 ratio, where you would be paying 65%, and she 35%.
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Finances are one of the most common reasons for divorce, being open about these things is key in a relationship.
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My partner and I split all costs based on what we are able to commit to (roughly proportional to income)
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I always wonder about that. It seems like a non-issue to me. You’re just paying it, same as always, and the other can contribute when or if they can, what they can. Running costs that do increase with two people, like electricity or water, should be easy to just split some way, since the other’s no longer paying for their rent and utilities.
But why does it have to be some set sum or percentage or whatever? Why does it have to be static in the first place? Why not just let them contribute what they can, when they can, since the money’s not tight?
But of course the real correct answer will always be different for each relationship. And only revealed by talking and assuming each feel comfortable being honest and vocal about their thoughts and neither gets steamrolled or gets left with reservations or doubts about the outcome.
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As others have said, there is no right answer but here are my thoughts based on my experience.
- Mortgage
The apartment is under your name so I would expect you to pay the mortgage.
One thing you could do is that your girlfriend puts a share of the mortgage cost into a savings account under her name.
This way if you stay together and decide to buy a new home you can both contribute to it, if you split up you both get your marbles back.
It also levels your salaries and you are both contributing equally to the housing cost so there is no resentment in your side.
- Utilities and groceries
What I did with my girlfriend (now wife) is that we were doing a pro rata monthly contribution to a bank account that was used for everyday life. In your case you are earning 30% more then you can contribute 30% more to this account. Then everything like electricity, groceries, restaurants together ... Was deducted from this account.
It's quite easy to get a free bank account with two cards so we used that (we used N26 at the time but there are plenty of options, the bank account was technically a single person account with two cards but it did not really matter since we were not keeping a lot of money in it)
- Mortgage
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To add to these ideas, I've heard of a 4 bank account system for couples.
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Joint Checking where living expenses can come from.
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Joint Savings for shared investments. Requires two signatures to move money out.
And then each gets a personal account with their spending money that each gets to do whatever they want with.
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This varies by person, and he best person to talk about this is your girlfriend.
With that said, I'd do half what she paid in rent for mortgage (of half the mortgage payment, whichever is smaller), and all other expenses split down the middle.
She would pay rent if she lived elsewhere, the way I see it, her contributing to the mortgage is a deeply discounted rent.This might not work for you, you need to talk. Me and my now husband when we first started setup a joint account, and each sent half of an agreed amount there every month, or as needed. We didn't make similar incomes, it fluctuated back and forth through the years for both of us. Some people would think it was unfair for us to pay the same. It worked for us, and both of us were happy with the arranjement, it might not be the best option for you.
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I'm not sure this is fair. I don't think this is in lieu of such a conversation, but about some ideas on how to pitch the conversation. If you don't have any friends in similar circumstances, it's worth finding out what other people do.
That said, the range of suggestions here is so broad that I'm not sure it's going to help!
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If you want her to pay half of the mortgage it has to be half in her name as well. That should be obvious unless youve already paid the majority off.
Regardless money complicates relationships and at a point in your relationship half your income will become hers and half hers yours, dependent only on where you live.
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lol my wife will leave if I told to pay a cent
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Holy shit. I'm worried about everyone suggesting she pay no rent.
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My advice is not financial but rather about relationships:
- Money and finances are one of the top things couples fight about.
- Psychologists have observed that couples have the same disagreements (or fights) over the long term course of a relationship, and these can be used as touchpoints to assess the couple's emotional maturity and overall relationship health.
- So, whatever financial arrangement you agree upon, commit to it in a way that actively reinforces the importance of the relationship, fosters open communication, and strengthens your bond with one another.
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You should split groceries/electricity and all that 50/50. The house is yours so she should not pay for it unless you actually both agree she should pay a monthly rent to live in your house. That to me would be correct. I am in a different situation as you as I bought the house with my wife and even tho I spent more because I had more money available I did not ask her extra money. Also keep in mind that wife is different than girlfriend. So since wife>girlfriend I honestly thing you should get to an agreement with your girlfirend and she should actually pay something for the rent and it should not be all on you.
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Why does it have to be static in the first place? Why not just let them contribute what they can, when they can, since the money’s not tight?
Who is to decide when and what they can pay then?
It's also as much about determining the disposable income. If she has a different opinion on what is reasonable to spend on other things that could easily become a can of worms.
"This is what you need to contribute to the household, whatever you do with the rest of your money is not my issue" is much better than: "Hey, I know you're low on cash but maybe if you cut back on lattes, avocado toast, gambling, booze and cigarettes, we would be able to pay the bills."
In reality, the fixed amount isn't very fixed anyway. If one part can't pay, it's still unlikely that the partner would kick them out. But as long as money isn't that tight, it's simply better to allocate a fixed amount to the household, so the money isn't disposable for random spending, so they don't risk overspending or increasing expensive habits.
This isn't just to curb the costs, but also to avoid the situation in which one part becomes financially dependent on the other, which is also a recipe for disaster for both parts.
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Stumbled into c/relationshipmath over here
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I personally would feel weird collecting rent money from my girlfriend that provides me equity. Did you ask her what she thinks?
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Math is off.
He makes 30% more than her.
If she makes 100, he makes 130. The total income is 230.Her income is 44% of that (100/230) and his is 56% (130/230).
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I am seriously concerned that in your mind, without payment she would have to ask for permission.
In my personal situation, my gf is staying with me regularly for a while (LDR atm). When she stays here she doesn't have to pay for anything. (She wants to pay for some food) The only thing, I have requested in that situation, is that she tells me when she brings a friend to our place and that preferably I would like to know the friend before they appear in my private space. In other words, I just don't want to open the door and see an unexpected stranger sitting on my couch. Please note, I asked her to respect that. I asked.
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Yeah exactly people getting married when they have no business or maturity to do so. Imagine needing complete strangers on the internet to tell you how to charge someone you love rent.
Then imagine being stupid enough to quote divorce statistics to people who point out how dumb that is.
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Not a financial advisor so take my answer with a massive chunk of salt.
My suggestion would be to get a joint account. If you are comfortable paying all the bills you can also have it overdraft to your account in case of emergencies. The move money into it monthly for bills. I would round up on your bills so you could build a little nest egg at the same time. You move everything that you have been paying into it. And ask her to move what she can into it. If she feels comfortable paying 50%, then do that. If things go sideways, split any extra money by the percentage she is paying. Then if things do go sideways then you can take your piece and have a nice vacation. If they don’t, you have nice rainy day fund.
