Life at 40
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Yeah, the kids under ten that are in my life know how old their parents are, and can make reasonable assessments of the age of other adults from that. They would never think someone who is 40 looks more like someone who is in their 60s or 70s.
After reading the newer comments I don't know what to think. Maybe this changes based upon the country one finds one self in?
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Totally American.
I've been put through the ringer by the American healthcare system enough already that I wait as long as possible before giving in and getting help. I've been bleeding for a few weeks. It's almost for sure an ulcer. Here's hoping they don't do what they've done in the past, which is mis-diagnose me or make me wait months to see the wrong specialist.
Peptic ulcer is one of the floors of hell that has no end or exits. Got one at 22 years old; best friends still at 47. The magic words to your a primary care Dr is "request an upper endoscopy" and "referral to gastroenterologist".
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Aging sucks. I think with the tremendous computing resources presently wasted on vapid AI slop and endless fart videos, we could instead use it for anti-aging research.
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Tbf when I was 8-9 years old I thought that 14 year olds were fully grown adults.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]This but it just keeps on going.
8? 15 = adult
15? 25 = adult
25? 35 = adult
I have income, a job, a car, a place to live. I dont feel like an adult yet. -
This but it just keeps on going.
8? 15 = adult
15? 25 = adult
25? 35 = adult
I have income, a job, a car, a place to live. I dont feel like an adult yet.35? 45 = adult
over 40? I am supposed to be an adult? That doesn't sound right. -
If you have wrinkles at 40 you need to wear more sunscreen and drink more water.
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Nudist beach is a pretty good explanation.
Please don't bring reason and understanding into this, I'm trying to be irrationally judgmental over here.
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I've abused my body so much with drugs and alcohol and crowd surfing at concerts and late night dance parties and raves and vaping and smoking before that (actually quit for seven years; starting again was the biggest mistake of my life) and junk food and fast food. Even now that I have a pretty healthy diet and we like to go hiking, I know how much I've taken from my future. I don't expect to live much past seventy, and maybe not even that. But then again, I was sure I wouldn't reach 25 and that came and went.
Bro it's genetics, you'll probably be an old fuck so long you want it to end like stans grandpa.
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This but it just keeps on going.
8? 15 = adult
15? 25 = adult
25? 35 = adult
I have income, a job, a car, a place to live. I dont feel like an adult yet.You become an adult when you hear someone telling their kids to behave or "that mister" will tell them off.
You look around. There's nobody else. You have become The Mister. The stranger based punishment of exasperated mothers everywhere. You are now an adult.
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I've abused my body so much with drugs and alcohol and crowd surfing at concerts and late night dance parties and raves and vaping and smoking before that (actually quit for seven years; starting again was the biggest mistake of my life) and junk food and fast food. Even now that I have a pretty healthy diet and we like to go hiking, I know how much I've taken from my future. I don't expect to live much past seventy, and maybe not even that. But then again, I was sure I wouldn't reach 25 and that came and went.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]As someone who has a relationship with smoking, I feel like I have to say a few words:
Apart from abusing my body in ways similar to what you described, I also smoked for almost 15 years. I started out of stupidity in my twenties. I was not even in high-school, I totally averted that danger... only to step in it years later voluntarily and for stupid reasons (I coughed when trying to smoke pot so I thought I should practice, then found out the high was pretty nice and reasoned it was cheaper to smoke this than pot). Anyway, I gave up 2 years ago, but I tried many times before that. I tried cold turkey, I tried gradually, I tried lighter cigarettes, but nothing worked. The idea of never ever smoking another cigarette for as long as I lived was paralyzing. I also hated how it controlled me, and it felt like avoiding any contact with any cigarette ever was also a form of it controlling me from the other direction. So I worked something out that works for me, and maybe it will for you:
My goal was to solve the control problem more than anything. So I said I don't want a love or hate relationship with cigarettes: I want indifference. It means I don't buy cigarettes anymore, for one. This is probably the most important part, just don't smoke at home or during normal activities. The physical dependence is present in the first 3 days, after that it's just psychological, or so they say, so I took advantage of when I was down with a cold and couldn't smoke, and I kept it up after. I still had some cigarettes left and I smoked them with some friends when I was out for beers, about 2 weeks later. Whenever I felt stressed at work or whatever, I tried to just take my hand and put it on my mouth with like 2 fingers as if I was holding a cigarette and just suck thin air like it was a cigarette then blow the fictional smoke, I'd do it multiple times if needed — this gesture was calming, even if it didn't last as long as it did with the real thing, it was like halfway there. Even though this sounds like quitting, the goal was still indifference, but I was way too much in the "I need to smoke" control zone so I focused on pulling out. Throughout I didn't think of myself as anything related to smoking: I wasn't a smoker because it felt defeatist, I wasn't a non-smoker because it felt unearned, I wasn't an occasional smoker because it felt lazy — I was just trying to take the control out of my relationship with smoking and turn it into something more like "friends with benefits". I had a quit-smoking-timer app on my phone which in previous attempts I kept resetting with each cigarette I wasn't able to resist, but this time I said I'm not going to punish myself anymore: this is a new mindset and it allows for casual smoking just like you casually try some weed at a party if someone is offering and it doesn't make you addicted to weed or a weed smoker or anything like that — you're just having fun — so the app measures the time since I adopted this new mindset and new (non)relationship with smoking.
The first month was probably the only time I kept needing to repeat all of the above to myself. After that it became second nature. It was both easier and harder to do than I initially thought, but I'm confident in myself now because it's more of a fundamental identity change than a change in habits or actions: it's internal, how I see myself vis a vis smoking.
Maybe a mindset like this can help you conquer your addiction, if you're interested. I say "if you're interested" because you probably know already: you have to want it first. It can't be forced on you, it really has to come from you. If it helps, for me it came when I got mad that, after forcing myself to smoke lighter and lighter cigarettes, I learned that they're just as harmful in the long run, so I got even more mad at big tobacco for lying to me like that (apart from all the other horrible shit they've done) and that betrayal was the fuel I used as motivation. It's always the petty stuff that gets us the most, lol. Also, I really don't want to check out that soon. Non-existence is terrifying, and life is finally getting better for me. But I'm also older and need to watch my health, so I'm more open now to actively changing stuff for said health.
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Second one is spot on.
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As someone who has a relationship with smoking, I feel like I have to say a few words:
Apart from abusing my body in ways similar to what you described, I also smoked for almost 15 years. I started out of stupidity in my twenties. I was not even in high-school, I totally averted that danger... only to step in it years later voluntarily and for stupid reasons (I coughed when trying to smoke pot so I thought I should practice, then found out the high was pretty nice and reasoned it was cheaper to smoke this than pot). Anyway, I gave up 2 years ago, but I tried many times before that. I tried cold turkey, I tried gradually, I tried lighter cigarettes, but nothing worked. The idea of never ever smoking another cigarette for as long as I lived was paralyzing. I also hated how it controlled me, and it felt like avoiding any contact with any cigarette ever was also a form of it controlling me from the other direction. So I worked something out that works for me, and maybe it will for you:
My goal was to solve the control problem more than anything. So I said I don't want a love or hate relationship with cigarettes: I want indifference. It means I don't buy cigarettes anymore, for one. This is probably the most important part, just don't smoke at home or during normal activities. The physical dependence is present in the first 3 days, after that it's just psychological, or so they say, so I took advantage of when I was down with a cold and couldn't smoke, and I kept it up after. I still had some cigarettes left and I smoked them with some friends when I was out for beers, about 2 weeks later. Whenever I felt stressed at work or whatever, I tried to just take my hand and put it on my mouth with like 2 fingers as if I was holding a cigarette and just suck thin air like it was a cigarette then blow the fictional smoke, I'd do it multiple times if needed — this gesture was calming, even if it didn't last as long as it did with the real thing, it was like halfway there. Even though this sounds like quitting, the goal was still indifference, but I was way too much in the "I need to smoke" control zone so I focused on pulling out. Throughout I didn't think of myself as anything related to smoking: I wasn't a smoker because it felt defeatist, I wasn't a non-smoker because it felt unearned, I wasn't an occasional smoker because it felt lazy — I was just trying to take the control out of my relationship with smoking and turn it into something more like "friends with benefits". I had a quit-smoking-timer app on my phone which in previous attempts I kept resetting with each cigarette I wasn't able to resist, but this time I said I'm not going to punish myself anymore: this is a new mindset and it allows for casual smoking just like you casually try some weed at a party if someone is offering and it doesn't make you addicted to weed or a weed smoker or anything like that — you're just having fun — so the app measures the time since I adopted this new mindset and new (non)relationship with smoking.
The first month was probably the only time I kept needing to repeat all of the above to myself. After that it became second nature. It was both easier and harder to do than I initially thought, but I'm confident in myself now because it's more of a fundamental identity change than a change in habits or actions: it's internal, how I see myself vis a vis smoking.
Maybe a mindset like this can help you conquer your addiction, if you're interested. I say "if you're interested" because you probably know already: you have to want it first. It can't be forced on you, it really has to come from you. If it helps, for me it came when I got mad that, after forcing myself to smoke lighter and lighter cigarettes, I learned that they're just as harmful in the long run, so I got even more mad at big tobacco for lying to me like that (apart from all the other horrible shit they've done) and that betrayal was the fuel I used as motivation. It's always the petty stuff that gets us the most, lol. Also, I really don't want to check out that soon. Non-existence is terrifying, and life is finally getting better for me. But I'm also older and need to watch my health, so I'm more open now to actively changing stuff for said health.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]For me I found casual or occasional smoking could too easily become "just one more". I hated the fact that it had a grip over me but I needed a more definitive reason to quit.
What worked for me was when my sister told me she was going to have a baby. I didn't want that kid to have smoking adults in her life. Which meant I had to quit, and hopefully that would help my sister to quit as well. I don't know if my actions made any difference but she did quit. Doing it for a kid was a powerful motivator for me. When she gave me the news, I put down the phone, tossed my remaining cigarettes in the trash and left it at that. Not even one last one. I knew I had the motivation I was waiting for and that was the end of it.I guess everybody has their own way that works for them and you just need to find what that is.
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This but it just keeps on going.
8? 15 = adult
15? 25 = adult
25? 35 = adult
I have income, a job, a car, a place to live. I dont feel like an adult yet.wrote on last edited by [email protected]Same here, save a car. I am also waiting for that magical moment when "you will understand when you grow up". Welp, how much more growing do I have to do to reach that magical understanding
that some grown-ups are toxic moronsuntold mysteries of the universe -
For me I found casual or occasional smoking could too easily become "just one more". I hated the fact that it had a grip over me but I needed a more definitive reason to quit.
What worked for me was when my sister told me she was going to have a baby. I didn't want that kid to have smoking adults in her life. Which meant I had to quit, and hopefully that would help my sister to quit as well. I don't know if my actions made any difference but she did quit. Doing it for a kid was a powerful motivator for me. When she gave me the news, I put down the phone, tossed my remaining cigarettes in the trash and left it at that. Not even one last one. I knew I had the motivation I was waiting for and that was the end of it.I guess everybody has their own way that works for them and you just need to find what that is.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Yeah for sure. I'm afraid of the "just one more" thing too, that's why I don't think of it as casual. It's more like I expressly forbid it in association with things I do every day or places I am every day, then if it happens in the corner cases once in a blue moon, I'm fine. So for instance, one rule I have is not to buy any packs ever and I don't keep any around the house — you don't move in with your FWB lol. But if there's a crowd of friends or something, we can partake, but it's like a ritual, it has a clear start and end and you don't take it home with you. I specifically modeled it after weed, since I'm not addicted to that at all, and if it's around me I sometimes partake and sometimes don't. That's how I'm currently with cigarettes. Plus, I don't go out much these days, so I barely even see anyone else do it.
That said, you're right: both that it's a different experience for everyone, and that it's better to just never touch it again, but personally I can't live with the thought of being banned from something for the rest of my life, because that implies I've already experienced it for the last time in my life, and that just brings in the existential dread.
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Just wait until 40. It's like going down a step with your eyes closed without knowing the step is coming. Very jarring and painful.
Haha omg, actually the best description of hitting 40 I have seen! Pretty much this yes
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Aging sucks. I think with the tremendous computing resources presently wasted on vapid AI slop and endless fart videos, we could instead use it for anti-aging research.
Not gonna happen, humans don't prioritize like that.
They'll make slop and scams in desperate attempts to justify taking their share of the produce from the mechanized fields.
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Not gonna happen, humans don't prioritize like that.
They'll make slop and scams in desperate attempts to justify taking their share of the produce from the mechanized fields.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]I remember SETI@home and folding@home.... SETI I think is a dead end, but understanding our genome and proteome and how constantly recycled ageless atoms somehow manage to encode "age" is something I really want to know.
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My co-worker running ahead of me at 40, looking like the happest person there:
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Aging sucks. I think with the tremendous computing resources presently wasted on vapid AI slop and endless fart videos, we could instead use it for anti-aging research.
Let's just say that even if you where immortal, there is still the issue of your "soul" aging. In other words, you know you are old, and you won't enjoy playing Pokemon Platinum in the same way.
Society will also increasingy isolate you in various ways.
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My co-worker running ahead of me at 40, looking like the happest person there:
