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  3. How do I get rid of my verbal humilation and degradation kink

How do I get rid of my verbal humilation and degradation kink

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  • himedanshi@lemmy.caH [email protected]

    I really like watch porn videos of women saying very humilating and degrading things about me because I love feeling like I'm a loser, Inadequate and worthless.

    But I don't want tell my future wife or girlfriend that I'm into this because it's so embarrassing. How do I get rid of this kink?

    A This user is from outside of this forum
    A This user is from outside of this forum
    [email protected]
    wrote on last edited by
    #5

    It's not something you need to get rid of, but if you really want to move past it the best way is to actually explore it psychologically. You say you like humiliation play because you love feeling like you're worthless. Makes sense, sure, but why? What is it about feeling worthless that feels good?

    Is it genuine worry in real life that you can safely explore in a sexual fantasy? Do you feel sometimes inadequate but can't talk to friends openly about it, so having someone attractive criticise you but still not leave you relieves a fundamental rejection anxiety?

    Is it that part of you is arrogant and looks down on some others as losers, but you don't consciously approve of that behaviour, so the kink lets you 'play the victim' and feel better about your elitism?

    If you spend a bit of time actually confronting the deeper thoughts behind a kink, it can remove a bit of the forbidden tension, and leave it as something you can still enjoy if you want, or move beyond, or find a more acceptable form that still presses the same buttons. Or just find a girlfriend who's into it!

    himedanshi@lemmy.caH 1 Reply Last reply
    1
    • himedanshi@lemmy.caH [email protected]

      I really like watch porn videos of women saying very humilating and degrading things about me because I love feeling like I'm a loser, Inadequate and worthless.

      But I don't want tell my future wife or girlfriend that I'm into this because it's so embarrassing. How do I get rid of this kink?

      C This user is from outside of this forum
      C This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote on last edited by
      #6

      Everyone saying, "You can't, you can't..." Idk. Just try, if you want. You don't know until you try.

      It's hard to say exactly how it happened, but if I had to guess, it's something that just kind of took root & blossomed during porn watching. While your brain is being flooded with dopamine & rewarding you, which then causes you to seek out more of the same. Maybe it's partially a shock factor thing, sometimes shock & disgust can sexually turn people on.

      But I agree with that one guy, this is something that needs to be psychologically explored & understood. Do some research, see a shrink. Maybe they can shed some light on why you feel this way, why that turns you on.

      1 Reply Last reply
      1
      • A [email protected]

        It's not something you need to get rid of, but if you really want to move past it the best way is to actually explore it psychologically. You say you like humiliation play because you love feeling like you're worthless. Makes sense, sure, but why? What is it about feeling worthless that feels good?

        Is it genuine worry in real life that you can safely explore in a sexual fantasy? Do you feel sometimes inadequate but can't talk to friends openly about it, so having someone attractive criticise you but still not leave you relieves a fundamental rejection anxiety?

        Is it that part of you is arrogant and looks down on some others as losers, but you don't consciously approve of that behaviour, so the kink lets you 'play the victim' and feel better about your elitism?

        If you spend a bit of time actually confronting the deeper thoughts behind a kink, it can remove a bit of the forbidden tension, and leave it as something you can still enjoy if you want, or move beyond, or find a more acceptable form that still presses the same buttons. Or just find a girlfriend who's into it!

        himedanshi@lemmy.caH This user is from outside of this forum
        himedanshi@lemmy.caH This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote on last edited by
        #7

        I have always felt that I'm a loser and very Inadequate. Because I'm 27 year old and I have never even been on a date and I got made fun of alot for my appearance throughout highschool. So I guess that why watching porn videos of hot women verbally humilating me and degrading is such a turn on for me.

        sinenomen@lemmynsfw.comS 2 Replies Last reply
        1
        • himedanshi@lemmy.caH [email protected]

          I really like watch porn videos of women saying very humilating and degrading things about me because I love feeling like I'm a loser, Inadequate and worthless.

          But I don't want tell my future wife or girlfriend that I'm into this because it's so embarrassing. How do I get rid of this kink?

          O This user is from outside of this forum
          O This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote on last edited by
          #8

          Double down and explore it, I say. Maybe you find out bdsm is your thing. We can't choose our kinks.

          1 Reply Last reply
          1
          • himedanshi@lemmy.caH [email protected]

            I really like watch porn videos of women saying very humilating and degrading things about me because I love feeling like I'm a loser, Inadequate and worthless.

            But I don't want tell my future wife or girlfriend that I'm into this because it's so embarrassing. How do I get rid of this kink?

            S This user is from outside of this forum
            S This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote on last edited by
            #9

            You really have to feel good in your own body and see yourself as someone who can be healthy about that. I guess you like the thrill of relating to these type of videos, but some day you'll wish for normalcy. Boredom, even.

            1 Reply Last reply
            0
            • himedanshi@lemmy.caH [email protected]

              I have always felt that I'm a loser and very Inadequate. Because I'm 27 year old and I have never even been on a date and I got made fun of alot for my appearance throughout highschool. So I guess that why watching porn videos of hot women verbally humilating me and degrading is such a turn on for me.

              sinenomen@lemmynsfw.comS This user is from outside of this forum
              sinenomen@lemmynsfw.comS This user is from outside of this forum
              [email protected]
              wrote on last edited by
              #10

              Or maybe it's really a normal healthy kink that you could be exploring further.

              I'd advise you to go to Fetlife, look for munches near you, go there and get the vibe of the people. Go several times because vibes can change from week to week.

              You should be able to learn there that the people there aren't freaks but normal people. That what you're feeling is normal and that you're not the only one. And most importantly that you're not an ugly loser but also a normal person.

              Don't go there with the expectation of finding a sexual partner. These are supposed to be safe spaces where one can go to exchange feelings and knowledge. Also don't go there with the expectation that everyone will be talking about sex and BDSM and fetishes all the time. Often enough they talk about all kinds of things.

              If you're lucky your munch has some kind of way of onboarding new people. The organisers are the right people to talk to. They are usually very nice and not judgemental.

              1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • himedanshi@lemmy.caH [email protected]

                I have always felt that I'm a loser and very Inadequate. Because I'm 27 year old and I have never even been on a date and I got made fun of alot for my appearance throughout highschool. So I guess that why watching porn videos of hot women verbally humilating me and degrading is such a turn on for me.

                sinenomen@lemmynsfw.comS This user is from outside of this forum
                sinenomen@lemmynsfw.comS This user is from outside of this forum
                [email protected]
                wrote on last edited by
                #11

                Also, if you're really lucky you might discover that your fantasy isn't actually that exciting in real life.

                1 Reply Last reply
                0
                • himedanshi@lemmy.caH [email protected]

                  I really like watch porn videos of women saying very humilating and degrading things about me because I love feeling like I'm a loser, Inadequate and worthless.

                  But I don't want tell my future wife or girlfriend that I'm into this because it's so embarrassing. How do I get rid of this kink?

                  G This user is from outside of this forum
                  G This user is from outside of this forum
                  [email protected]
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #12

                  hold up.

                  you have a humiliation kink and you're afraid you're going to be too humiliated to let your partner know?

                  bruh, that's a level of simp I've never even thought of. you're like the simp god. lean into that shit and find you someone that will treat you like the piece of trash you know you are, because you deserve it.

                  S S 2 Replies Last reply
                  3
                  • himedanshi@lemmy.caH [email protected]

                    I really like watch porn videos of women saying very humilating and degrading things about me because I love feeling like I'm a loser, Inadequate and worthless.

                    But I don't want tell my future wife or girlfriend that I'm into this because it's so embarrassing. How do I get rid of this kink?

                    daggermoon@lemmy.worldD This user is from outside of this forum
                    daggermoon@lemmy.worldD This user is from outside of this forum
                    [email protected]
                    wrote on last edited by [email protected]
                    #13

                    Well, it depends. Is it at all appealing when you're not horny? Or is it only during horny you find it appealing. If the latter, stop watching it. If it's the former you can't, it's part of you and you're probably going to have to find a way to be okay with it. I'm kind of into it to an extent but I draw the line at things that actually hurt my self-esteem. It could also be it's only part of it you find appealing.

                    Edit: It could also just be a fantasy and you'd hate if you actually tried it irl. I think I know how you feel. It'll be okay regardless.

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    1
                    • himedanshi@lemmy.caH [email protected]

                      I really like watch porn videos of women saying very humilating and degrading things about me because I love feeling like I'm a loser, Inadequate and worthless.

                      But I don't want tell my future wife or girlfriend that I'm into this because it's so embarrassing. How do I get rid of this kink?

                      T This user is from outside of this forum
                      T This user is from outside of this forum
                      [email protected]
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #14

                      The more common the kink, the more porn of it there is. You'll be ok. Everyone wants a spanking sometime.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      1
                      • G [email protected]

                        hold up.

                        you have a humiliation kink and you're afraid you're going to be too humiliated to let your partner know?

                        bruh, that's a level of simp I've never even thought of. you're like the simp god. lean into that shit and find you someone that will treat you like the piece of trash you know you are, because you deserve it.

                        S This user is from outside of this forum
                        S This user is from outside of this forum
                        [email protected]
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #15

                        Why would you assume it to be appropriate to attempt humiliating someone, even as a joke, just because you happened to discover they were into consensual practice of the kink? Super fucking weird bro. Would you just tie a random person up without asking them if they mentioned they were into rope bondage?

                        G 1 Reply Last reply
                        3
                        • S [email protected]

                          Why would you assume it to be appropriate to attempt humiliating someone, even as a joke, just because you happened to discover they were into consensual practice of the kink? Super fucking weird bro. Would you just tie a random person up without asking them if they mentioned they were into rope bondage?

                          G This user is from outside of this forum
                          G This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #16

                          Jesus Christ, get over yourself.

                          you want an answer to your question then ask yourself this, did I honestly assume my feeble attempt to chastise a complete degenerate on the internet would result in my expected outcome?

                          S 1 Reply Last reply
                          0
                          • G [email protected]

                            Jesus Christ, get over yourself.

                            you want an answer to your question then ask yourself this, did I honestly assume my feeble attempt to chastise a complete degenerate on the internet would result in my expected outcome?

                            S This user is from outside of this forum
                            S This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #17

                            By calling it "[your] expected outcome" I believe you've answered your own question there.

                            Consent is important, dickweed. Cry about it.

                            G 1 Reply Last reply
                            4
                            • S [email protected]

                              By calling it "[your] expected outcome" I believe you've answered your own question there.

                              Consent is important, dickweed. Cry about it.

                              G This user is from outside of this forum
                              G This user is from outside of this forum
                              [email protected]
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #18

                              I'm not the one whinging on about it like a bitch, am I?

                              zos_kia@lemmynsfw.comZ 1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • himedanshi@lemmy.caH [email protected]

                                I really like watch porn videos of women saying very humilating and degrading things about me because I love feeling like I'm a loser, Inadequate and worthless.

                                But I don't want tell my future wife or girlfriend that I'm into this because it's so embarrassing. How do I get rid of this kink?

                                hanrahan@slrpnk.netH This user is from outside of this forum
                                hanrahan@slrpnk.netH This user is from outside of this forum
                                [email protected]
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #19

                                Find a Domme into as well be with her and be happy ?

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                3
                                • G [email protected]

                                  I'm not the one whinging on about it like a bitch, am I?

                                  zos_kia@lemmynsfw.comZ This user is from outside of this forum
                                  zos_kia@lemmynsfw.comZ This user is from outside of this forum
                                  [email protected]
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #20

                                  OP asked for advice, not horny role play. You leaning into their kink is icky at best.

                                  G 1 Reply Last reply
                                  3
                                  • zos_kia@lemmynsfw.comZ [email protected]

                                    OP asked for advice, not horny role play. You leaning into their kink is icky at best.

                                    G This user is from outside of this forum
                                    G This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #21

                                    and you getting icked out by a response that wasn't even directed at you is pathetic and screams "snowflake", what's your point?

                                    I gave op advice. I told them to find themselves someone who would accept them for who they are. why are you getting so butthurt over a stupid comment on the internet? are you some kind of righteous white knight that feels an injustice has occurred and now you feel a strong sense of responsibility to put me in my place?

                                    zos_kia@lemmynsfw.comZ 1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • G [email protected]

                                      and you getting icked out by a response that wasn't even directed at you is pathetic and screams "snowflake", what's your point?

                                      I gave op advice. I told them to find themselves someone who would accept them for who they are. why are you getting so butthurt over a stupid comment on the internet? are you some kind of righteous white knight that feels an injustice has occurred and now you feel a strong sense of responsibility to put me in my place?

                                      zos_kia@lemmynsfw.comZ This user is from outside of this forum
                                      zos_kia@lemmynsfw.comZ This user is from outside of this forum
                                      [email protected]
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #22

                                      Nah the thing you're trying to describe is just basic social awareness.

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      1
                                      • G [email protected]

                                        hold up.

                                        you have a humiliation kink and you're afraid you're going to be too humiliated to let your partner know?

                                        bruh, that's a level of simp I've never even thought of. you're like the simp god. lean into that shit and find you someone that will treat you like the piece of trash you know you are, because you deserve it.

                                        S This user is from outside of this forum
                                        S This user is from outside of this forum
                                        [email protected]
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #23

                                        I agree with Scranulum, this definitely isn't an appropriate response. They're asking for help and advice and you're throwing it in their face and making a joke of it.

                                        G 1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • S [email protected]

                                          I agree with Scranulum, this definitely isn't an appropriate response. They're asking for help and advice and you're throwing it in their face and making a joke of it.

                                          G This user is from outside of this forum
                                          G This user is from outside of this forum
                                          [email protected]
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #24

                                          so instead of ignoring it and providing your own opinion you take attention away from OP and chastise me in an attempt to "teach me a lesson".

                                          yeah, that makes sense.

                                          I gave my opinion. you clearly don't like it. that's fine with me. I don't care much for your opinions either.

                                          S 1 Reply Last reply
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