We need to Talk
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Actual lizards would do a better job than a number of governments I can think of.
Lizards would stick to the great plan, damnit
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Lifts-Her-Tail
Certainly not, kind sir! I am here but to clean your chambers.Crantius Colto
Is that all you have come here for, little one? My chambers?Lifts-Her-Tail
I have no idea what it is you imply, master. I am but a poor Argonian maid.Crantius Colto
So you are, my dumpling. And a good one at that. Such strong legs and shapely tail.Lifts-Her-Tail
You embarrass me, sir!Crantius Colto
Fear not. You are safe here with me.Lifts-Her-Tail
I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not!Crantius Colto
Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear.Lifts-Her-Tail
But it is huge! It could take me all night!Crantius Colto
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.
Lifts-Her-Tail
My goodness, that’s quite a loaf! But how ever shall it fit my oven?Crantius Colto
This loaf isn’t ready for baking, my sweet. It has yet to rise.Lifts-Her-Tail
If only we could hurry that along. How would I accomplish such a task?Crantius Colto
Oh, my foolish little Argonian maid, you must use your hands.Lifts-Her-Tail
You wish me to kneed the loaf? Here?Crantius Colto
Of course.Lifts-Her-Tail
But what if the mistress catches me? Your loaf was meant to satisfy her appetite.Crantius Colto
Don’t fret, my delicate flower. I’ll satisfy the mistress’s cravings later.Lifts-Her-Tail
Very well, but I’m afraid my oven isn’t hot enough. It could take hours!Crantius Colto
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time. -
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It may be overused, but I swear any comedy bit that uses a well done "What?" always gets a laugh from me. A simple word, but says so much.
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Do lizard-people have hemipenes and cloacas?
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Lifts-Her-Tail
Certainly not, kind sir! I am here but to clean your chambers.Crantius Colto
Is that all you have come here for, little one? My chambers?Lifts-Her-Tail
I have no idea what it is you imply, master. I am but a poor Argonian maid.Crantius Colto
So you are, my dumpling. And a good one at that. Such strong legs and shapely tail.Lifts-Her-Tail
You embarrass me, sir!Crantius Colto
Fear not. You are safe here with me.Lifts-Her-Tail
I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not!Crantius Colto
Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear.Lifts-Her-Tail
But it is huge! It could take me all night!Crantius Colto
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.
Lifts-Her-Tail
My goodness, that’s quite a loaf! But how ever shall it fit my oven?Crantius Colto
This loaf isn’t ready for baking, my sweet. It has yet to rise.Lifts-Her-Tail
If only we could hurry that along. How would I accomplish such a task?Crantius Colto
Oh, my foolish little Argonian maid, you must use your hands.Lifts-Her-Tail
You wish me to kneed the loaf? Here?Crantius Colto
Of course.Lifts-Her-Tail
But what if the mistress catches me? Your loaf was meant to satisfy her appetite.Crantius Colto
Don’t fret, my delicate flower. I’ll satisfy the mistress’s cravings later.Lifts-Her-Tail
Very well, but I’m afraid my oven isn’t hot enough. It could take hours!Crantius Colto
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.dafug did I just read ??????????
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dafug did I just read ??????????
An excerpt from The Lusty Argonian Maid.
One of the finest pieces of literature to ever come from Bethesda Softworks.
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dafug did I just read ??????????
The Lusty Argonian Maid. Smut books found in the game Skyrim.
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I feel like life has taught me that this all has to be a simulation. It's too rediculous to be real.
I know it’s a fucking cartoon, but I sincerely believe we are NPCs (at least I am) in Roy: A Life Well Lived.
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The Lusty Argonian Maid. Smut books found in the game Skyrim.
Skyrim
That really changes the visuals now doesn’t it?
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My favorite will always be Colonel Jack O’Neill (with two L’s)
~There’s another Colonel O’Neil with only one L. He has no sense of humor at all.~
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The Lusty Argonian Maid. Smut books found in the game Skyrim.
It predates Skyrim. You have to interact with the author in Morrowind and shockingly the dude's a rapist
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Warm rocks for all!
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It predates Skyrim. You have to interact with the author in Morrowind and shockingly the dude's a rapist
Damn. I don’t remember that, but it’s been a long time since I’ve played Morrowind.
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I know it’s a fucking cartoon, but I sincerely believe we are NPCs (at least I am) in Roy: A Life Well Lived.
You're actually a piece of Morty.
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I'd read it
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As they say, the fight is over when you get them to laugh.
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Damn. I don’t remember that, but it’s been a long time since I’ve played Morrowind.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Yeah they're written by Crassius Curio (totally not self inserting themselves as Crantius Colto). Take a look at the dialogue section: https://en.m.uesp.net/wiki/Morrowind:Crassius_Curio
It's openly known in house Hlaalu, too. Other members warn you but turn their heads to it.
Edit to add: Argonians in Morrowind are mostly slaves. This guy is likely fantasizing about being a slave owner and taking advantage of an argonian slave
