Let's play this game again
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Global warming solved.
All the fires caused by these giant convex lenses won't be much good for the amount of carbon in the atmosphere though.
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You can captivate the attention of any child. You're a comedian or magician that would absolutely kill it at any children's birthday party. You would be a fantastic teacher as you can hold the wrapped attention of even the most tiktok-corrupted teen.
Except, there's just one small problem...
They could make a killing off making videos on YouTube or something like Khan Academy. Just never show him from below the waist.....
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Time stops so you can walk there and appear as if you teleport.
But you still age relatively to the time it took you to get there.
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Shoot butts out my laser
Your laser shoots cigarette butts. Homeless people love you now.
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But it's borderline and every doctor feels the junkyard pastiche of coping mechanisms you've developed over the years is good enough (it's not) and so they refuse to prescribe medication to help you
There's medication that helps autism?
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The universe doesn't distinguish between "intended effects" and "side effects".
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Ah yes, the spironolactone problem. Your potassium sparing diuretic has the side effect of reducing your testosterone levels, while my testosterone blocker has the side effect of making me crave salt and have to pee all the time. And someone else is having a bad time with their blood pressure meds
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That sounds like a bonus power.
Get them to do my bidding and they don't even know about it.
And you can get all the personal space and down time you need as no one can ever get clingy or stalkerish towards you. This would be an amazing power.
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i can delete one square meter wnywhere in the world and it just deletes the matter that was there
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Can create perfectly round and transparent ice cubes out of thin air.
but there made out of isopropal alcohal so you cant use them without dying
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I am ironman
but you physically have a iron defficancy so when you try to fly you just pass out
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Not having to sleep. You can just be awake 24/7 without the usual cognitive decline or feelings of being tired.
everyone in a 1 kilometer radius takes your sleepyiness so if you dont sleep for 6 weeks everyone around you juat dies from sleep depervation
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Be able to transform into animals
but you can never transform back to a human
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ability to make people say/do what you want them to
they take it in the wrong way so if you ask someone for 100 dollars they give you 100 doll hairs
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Teleportation.
it just makes a clone of you to whereever you wanted to teleport
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i can delete one square meter wnywhere in the world and it just deletes the matter that was there
as you specified a square meter and not cubic meter, you only delete an infinitly thin plane of matter, rendering your superpower useless
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but there made out of isopropal alcohal so you cant use them without dying
IPA has a freezing point of -128F/-89C. Those bad boys in some sort of stainless steel insert = a fucking coooold drink
Or you use them in a cooler, where everything is sealed anyway and your drinks will get cold super quick + it'll clean off the cans too
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I can now shoot fresh spaghetti from my fingertips. Each fingertip shoots a continuous spaghetti noodle at an alarming rate with a range of about 4 feet. My thumbs will shoot a delicious meat sauce at a comparable rate and range.
You are now patented and contractually obliged to end world hunger and provide clean energy for the rest of your existence, while all world governments try to clone you.
If you are successfully cloned, your consciousness is discovered to be a biproduct of your unique physiology and you are no longer treated as a human or individual. Billions of yous are produced and now classed as biological machines, used to power and feed the earth and all off world ships and collonies.
Yous have now lived for countless billenia, been traded as a commodity across the galaxies and been used to liberate and control countless civilisations. Your originating species evolved past you eons ago now and you haven't seen a posthuman since the stars began to dim, but the yous will never be allowed to end or die because the yous are the most valuable beings in the universe.
Yous are an owned property, not to be considered an individual or a person. Yous make spaghetti, that is your purpose.
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The ability to the cat
wrote on last edited by [email protected]ദ്ദി（• ˕ •マ.ᐟ
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Unfortunately I am already perfection, and unfortunately the side effect is living amongst the humans and seeing them for what they are, unable to help them in meaningful ways.
You get downvoted because lemmy thinks this is arrogant.
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Every single (non-human) animal is friendly to me.
Every single human animal hates your guts
