The great millennial garbage gyre
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It’s also kind of shitty to make all extracurricular activities into dating events imo
You are telling me im not allowed to date. I personally hate going out to social events alone, its nerve racking, it makes my skin crawl. The ONLY reason I would consider it is because the alternative is I will never meet new people, and thus I will have a dating pool of 0 people. You don't go out to social groups like some sort of creep hitting on every person, you go out to find people you enjoy spending time with, and maybe some of them are also people you consider pursuing romantically.
People should have a space away from that pressure.
Id argue that a social group is not and should never be that place, and that if you think it should be you should reflect on what responsibility a person has for their own emotions.
As someone who is overly worried about making myself an outcast for ever admitting my intentions with someone, but who knows this is just a fabrication of my own fear of rejection, it really upsets me to hear someone effectively confirming my own neurotic fabricated mindset. But again, this is my emotion, and is my own responsibility.
Honestly for me the best way to meet single is to have married friends who can play matchmaker
While this might work for you, id warn against externalizing the responsibility of finding you a date, because if they stop doing it, you stop dating.
I mean the flip side of what you are saying is that people aren't allowed to have a social life free from romantic pursuit. Yes, it's a thin line to walk but you are only seeing the view from a person with limited romantic opportunities, not the person who is tired of every social interaction being hijacked by dude number 67897 "out to find people you enjoy spending time with, and maybe some of them are also people you consider pursuing romantically."
Like I totally get your perspective here. Doing things, and then... Organic relationship with no pressure. That's ideal. The problem is that horny dudes hold this ideal in their head, and then use it to justify blowing up every coed activity in existence. You might think, "ok, if she says no, I'll drop it" but the counterpoint is that this ritual becomes a chore for the other side of the fence. You are socially awkward, now imagine that any time you socialize in a group you have to awkwardly defend against someone's iterative advances. And that this happens so often, it begins to color the way you interact with every acquaintance.
Yes, meeting people in group settings often leads to dates. But going into those settings with the intention to find a date is a recipe for problems. This is a subtle, but important distinction which seems lost on a lot of people.
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Didn't answer what you're basing it on though.
if you use these apps as a woman you'd know
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Same with my male friends. I also met my wife on an app. This might be more of a you experience thing.
I also met my wife on an app.
ok so you're one of those lucky few
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Given who runs "online", that's kind of worrying.
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Survivorship bias.
I am putting it out there for him. It's all circumstance and luck.
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Sometimes the no kids thing, can be a huge red flag, a lot of the incel / women hating types put no kids. There's a lot of them out there and they're really extreme, you might be limiting your dating pool by wanting someone who doesn't have kids but then if you're into never having kids, that's a different thing, entirely.
first thing I tell my gf's is I dont is don't want kids. one was of agreement and now we have been together 10 years and got all sorts of money to spend to travel and pursue expensive dreams. Plus what if I had a ugly child I'd have to hug it? (just kidding)
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I'm a man and I need a bro to explain me
why are men attracted to younger women?
I'm interested in women my age ± like 5 years ish.
when I was a teen I was into teens, in my 20s I was into girls in their 20s...
the idea of dating a 20 years old as a 36 year old man seems gross and annoying.
I may not want kids but I still want to be called daddy
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How do young people meet new people these days? I met my husband while at work. Became official via Facebook status.
I got out of the game right before tinder became a thing. I'm just as lost as you
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I am putting it out there for him. It's all circumstance and luck.
I read this first as "it's all circumcision and luck". lmao
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Increasingly, they aren't.
"that's the neat part! they don't!"
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This is something only chronically online people say. Most people form almost all of their relationships offline. This is still extremely true of platonic relationships.
Where are you meeting these people, magic real life wizard?
wrote last edited by [email protected]Of the 5 I currently have in my roster, 2 came from online, 2 were friends of friends, 1 I introduced myself to at a rock climbing crag.
I also seek out partners at my job, at the climbing gym, at various meetups like for acroyoga or fire spinning or pickup ultimate Frisbee, at social bars or concerts or festivals, or just when I'm walking around in the park near my house. Importantly, I'm not just going up to every attractive woman I see and saying "nice tits, wanna bang?" - even though this is my truth in my heart of hearts. Instead what I do is show up, have fun, meet people, joke around, and just be a normal person. But then if someone is cute, I'll do a little eyebrow wiggle or some shit during a break in the conversation, and if she eyebrow wiggles back, I escalate - like by tickling the back of her elbow or telling her that she's, like, literally the worst why am I even talking to her. And then at the end of the night I say "hey, I think you're cute - wanna hang out alone sometime and maybe do some smoochin'?" And then she says yes or no, I give her a high five either way, and I'm on my merry way.
Edit: I'll point out that the number of partners I have from online is mostly because I have a good profile, so getting matches is pretty easy for me. Most people don't have as high of a sex drive as me, and so won't want to put in the effort. Going through social networks (real life social networks) or social hobbies is far more likely to net you compatible partners, since the choices you make in these arenas are likely to attract people with similar values and dispositions.
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How do young people meet new people these days? I met my husband while at work. Became official via Facebook status.
Here's the great part; you don't! (I am American and only going outside for vital activities anymore)
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Millennial here. Have recently dabbled with the apps. Honestly the guys I was shown were not objectively bad looking. Many of them were pretty attractive. But not my type at all. My interests were books and video games and nerdy sweetness…and it kept recommending me muscle gym divorced military dads. So I gave up.
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As a single (Maybe neurodivergent?) 30 year old male, what other option I have?
Same. Suicide is the only thing left, but I do not have the courage.
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Same with my male friends. I also met my wife on an app. This might be more of a you experience thing.
Same with my guy friends as well. I met my wife on a dating app, and a couple of my friends did as well.
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Millennial here. Have recently dabbled with the apps. Honestly the guys I was shown were not objectively bad looking. Many of them were pretty attractive. But not my type at all. My interests were books and video games and nerdy sweetness…and it kept recommending me muscle gym divorced military dads. So I gave up.
I don't blame you. The algorithm is gonna force you to look at what people your demographic like despite whatever input you give it. At least it seems this way with how algorithms in general seem to work on social media. The amount of dick pill ads I get is way to high.
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Ha!
As a middle aged man you think its great for us? You think all the hot, sane, independent women in their 30s and 40s are strugging for options? If you're on there theres a 80% chance that you're no catch either.
Last time my dude showed me a bunch of profiles it was easily 50% "applications to be a stepdad" and 25% women with a checklist (6 foot tall, good living, own house, etc.) Like 6 foot tall athletic lawyers who own their own home are having trouble meeting women.
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i get that, I also want hook-ups, but I don't see the attraction of someone 18 years younger than me.
I mean, people in their 20s are incredibly un-chill and very not sure who they are. Dating someone like that sounds kinda awful.
I am on your team with this.
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Make a lemmy community for dating.
I wouldn't want to meet other Lemmy users in person, let alone date them.
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I'm always surprised to hear people unimpressed with others on dating apps. A couple of my friends have shared their "feeds" and I was struck by how many good-looking people are out there. But they would swipe away from just the smallest turn-offs becoming deal breakers. Like if I saw these people in real life, I would think of them as average looking at worst, many being remarkably attractive. This is in the 20s to mid 30s range like the tweet. I definitely understand deciding you're incompatible based on politics or religion or culture but most of the time it would be for minor quirks. It felt like they were spoiled for choice in my eyes.
But then again, they're in serious long term relationships with conventionally attractive and supportive partners now so maybe being picky pays off. At the time, their reluctance to settle was a very frustrating experience for them.
There's definitely a lot of people who overestimate what they bring to a relationship, and I think women are more prone to it than men because they're typically the ones being pursued.
