[NSFW] Any recovering porn addicts willing to share inspirational stories?
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Being conscious of your reasons and motivations can make it a postive step
That's kind of the point why I made this thread. At this point the upsides are mostly hypothetical. I have good reason to believe there are positive changes down the road but I lack the evidence and that competes with a fatalistic view that I was "born this way" or that I've permanently damaged myself through decades of increasingly excessive porn use. I get that too much is too much, and there's obviously no downside to cutting back other than how difficult it is, but when the tough times hit it would be reassuring to know there's light at the end of the tunnel.
a fatalistic view that I was "born this way" or that I've permanently damaged myself through decades
Not an expert nor have I got my monkeys off my back but I would like to say watch out for this type of thinking. I have heard that addiction can be genetic but what is empowering is the opposite is true about how our minds can change once we have changed our situations. I'm referring to something called the elasticity of the mind. And I don't just mean metaphysically. This is a measured change in the brain. So if you are looking for positive affirmations to keep you going this is a difficult one to realize because you do not even yet know how different you can be. But just try to imagine how exciting that is? Good luck.
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I'd agree with the other poster that maybe setting moderation goals would be a really good first step. I guess it depends if you're aiming for less masturbation, less porn, or less specific types of porn. And it depends on what level you currently find problematic.
For some people the problems with the addictivness of porn are linked to the dopamine hits of modern Internet porn, searching for the perfect thing, changing to newer / different stuff frequently. The a first step might be to continue to use porn when you need to, but your only allowed a single fairly tame video that you've downloaded. Eventually it'll feel boring and you'll it's not really just porn your craving, it's the whole dopamine hunt.
It's why vapes work so well for many people in giving up smoking. Nicotine is physically addictive and hard to resists, but also just getting your nicotine without all the other fun parts of cigarettes quickly makes it feel less tempting. It's much easier to give up something meh than something you're obsessed with.
What I believe excessive porn use has done to me is that sex has become uninteresting even when it’s available, and I also have physical problems performing when I “force” myself to it. These bad experiences then further reinforce my negative associations with sex, which in turn makes me even less interested in trying the next time. I don’t feel that “mundane arousal” throughout the day - I don’t even know what it means to be horny without physical stimulation. I’ve always felt this way, but it has gotten worse over time (I’m in my mid-thirties now). I can’t know for sure whether it’s all due to porn or if porn just makes it worse, since my porn use preceded my first sexual experiences with another person. If it’s something I was born with, then there’s simply no fixing it even if I cut out porn entirely, but since I can’t know that, I don’t see any other way forward than to try and change the things I can change and see if there’s any improvement.
And I just want to highlight that when I say excessive porn use, I really mean it. I can literally waste 8 to 12 hours on it and then do the same again the next day. Even if I watched porn for an hour every single day it would still be a massive improvement (but I’m intending to do better than that).
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You just described addiction as a mental condition. People can use anything as an unhealthy coping mechanism. It sounds like you've probably correctly identified it as an addiction. Now you can treat it like one.
I think I’ve heard addiction described somewhere as a behavior you keep doing even when you stop getting the good feeling from it, so yes - I’d say it’s definitely an addiction/compulsion.
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I've pretty much hit rock bottom and come to the conclusion that I can't stay on my current trajectory. It's already cost me one, if not two, relationships, and I'm tired of dating on hard mode. I'm worried I might be too far gone, so it would be immensely helpful to hear from someone who's been in the same place and managed to turn things around.
I can manage a week or two with the power of self loathing but once the urges come back I'm really, and I mean really good at coming up with excuses.
I can't tell you anything uplifting but I found my father's extensive collection of all possible (legal) kinds of porn a few years back and it honestly scarred me a little. Like mostly not the fact that he watches it but the extremes he apparently takes it to. It was an absurd amount of disturbing material. Oh and some of it might have even been home-made. I didn't look too closely so I'm not entirely sure and I don't think I even want to know. I don't enjoy the thought of being raised by a sex freak. So if you have kids or plan on having them consider that this is what they might feel towards you one day if they ever find out.
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What I believe excessive porn use has done to me is that sex has become uninteresting even when it’s available, and I also have physical problems performing when I “force” myself to it. These bad experiences then further reinforce my negative associations with sex, which in turn makes me even less interested in trying the next time. I don’t feel that “mundane arousal” throughout the day - I don’t even know what it means to be horny without physical stimulation. I’ve always felt this way, but it has gotten worse over time (I’m in my mid-thirties now). I can’t know for sure whether it’s all due to porn or if porn just makes it worse, since my porn use preceded my first sexual experiences with another person. If it’s something I was born with, then there’s simply no fixing it even if I cut out porn entirely, but since I can’t know that, I don’t see any other way forward than to try and change the things I can change and see if there’s any improvement.
And I just want to highlight that when I say excessive porn use, I really mean it. I can literally waste 8 to 12 hours on it and then do the same again the next day. Even if I watched porn for an hour every single day it would still be a massive improvement (but I’m intending to do better than that).
My favorite work on the subject: https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2011/02/hes_just_not_that_into_anyone.html
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I don't disagree but that simply doesn't feel like a realistic option for me. It's either way too expensive or too hard to get into.
As I said, it's not easy. You can look up self therapy in the meantime but if you want to change and feel better, you gotta take the steps and that may be putting yourself on a list for free help.
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I've pretty much hit rock bottom and come to the conclusion that I can't stay on my current trajectory. It's already cost me one, if not two, relationships, and I'm tired of dating on hard mode. I'm worried I might be too far gone, so it would be immensely helpful to hear from someone who's been in the same place and managed to turn things around.
I can manage a week or two with the power of self loathing but once the urges come back I'm really, and I mean really good at coming up with excuses.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Im not going to be the best at this advice as I recovered after getting into a relationship.
I can give you some advice and it would be try a simple fast. During the day eat nothing and let that be your craving until night comes and then eat something simple. Bread, rice, etc. Appreciate the simple things.
Most people have too much sugar - which gives you a dopamine release. Constant dopamine release makes your receptors less sensative to dopamine. Higher baseline means you usually will struggle to actually feel pleasure, hence forming this porn dependence. For a moment you can enjoy things as nutting is meant for reproductive goals, aka the main purpose of the animal nature. So it gives a way higher dopamine release.
Once you do cut off porn you can enjoy going out and the simple sight of someone pretty will make you have a pleasant moment. People don't care if you admire them with your eyes as long as you don't fixate. Porn itself is unrealistic and if you want to be honest with yourself as I was - the only way to get a similar real world experience is to be the cuck - as you seem to want a relationship. I'm not into that as I am very territorial with those I love.
That's what porn is, you are just a spectator and not being intimate. Someone else is doing all the actual work and you at no point have to actually understand your sex partner. No commitment and laziness to boot.
Before I discovered the trick of fasting I was already doing exercise. Started with walking wherever I could, to quote a work of art, "She said to me, 'If you would love me as a man, then live as a man. Travel as a man.'" We are not the machines that facilitate our lives, but the strength to endure and grow. My left foot would lock up while laying down and hurt like a bitch, because of how unused they were - it would hurt for a week or two after. Since then I never have this issue and have found nee things to improve in my body, I stretch more and more, I strength train sometimes, and cardio is a necessity.
Put it all together.
You like hot people go out to the beach or zoo or anywhere and you'll see them enjoying life. You've seen naked people before so you can fill in the blanks if that's what you really care about. What's left to the imagination is often much more enticing. It's easier to have someone else do the work, than to actually take the time and learn how to enjoy someone else's body - for they have needs and wants you must serve.
Do you want to sit by and let life fly past you or do you wish to have agency in this world? All this advice is not to deal with porn but to stop you from sitting in the stagnation of sheol.
I have lost 110 pounds since 2023. Slow down life and have presence where you are. Enjoy the flowers you walk by, curiousity for the insects you spot, and admire the brilliance of human ingenuity. See more where you saw nothing. Indulge the world, and in turn the world will indulge you.
For context at how rock bottom I was; I hosted my own porn serverfor myself. 8tb of JAV as they have the best metadata systems through the codes, as well as hentai since sites like MyAnimeList treat them as anime. 4tb of amateur and western videos combined with comics/doujins/pics. I would nut only clear liquid and is why I started the change. I want kids and I feared I was infertile, then I realized how would a fat slob catch up to his own kids?
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I don't disagree but that simply doesn't feel like a realistic option for me. It's either way too expensive or too hard to get into.
My other half had a very good experience with TalkSpace, which accepts our insurance.
Unless you're in the Republican medicaid-obamacare gap, you should have insurance and they should have at least some mental health coverage. And if you are or they don't, a professional stranger via an online service is definitely something you should look into.
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I've pretty much hit rock bottom and come to the conclusion that I can't stay on my current trajectory. It's already cost me one, if not two, relationships, and I'm tired of dating on hard mode. I'm worried I might be too far gone, so it would be immensely helpful to hear from someone who's been in the same place and managed to turn things around.
I can manage a week or two with the power of self loathing but once the urges come back I'm really, and I mean really good at coming up with excuses.
I don't have this relationship with porn but have been addicted to other things. I have found some success in this method:
I tell myself "ok, I can do bad habit in three hours, and I promise myself I won't feel bad if I do." and then in three hours, if I can, I just tell myself the same thing over again, and put it off for three more hours. If I buckle, I don't kick the shit out of myself, and I've found that I can make it a whole day if I bargain with myself based on time. If I'm going to do bad habit in three hours, I can think about other things until the three hours is up. And no matter what, setting a small goal (just three measly hours, what's that to me if I can do bad habit as much as I want when it's done?) and accomplishing it gives me a different form of reward.
Idk, it doesn't always work, but when I was trying to fast for health/personal care it really helped me not eat until my "shift" was up.
It doesn't have to be three hours, it could be 30 minutes, or "when I'm done doing other activity" or something similar. Small goals that are possible to attain.
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I've pretty much hit rock bottom and come to the conclusion that I can't stay on my current trajectory. It's already cost me one, if not two, relationships, and I'm tired of dating on hard mode. I'm worried I might be too far gone, so it would be immensely helpful to hear from someone who's been in the same place and managed to turn things around.
I can manage a week or two with the power of self loathing but once the urges come back I'm really, and I mean really good at coming up with excuses.
As people have said you need to change from a negative reason of self-loathing to the positives. Performing better in bed, sleeping better, just generally being less depressed, removing unrealistic expectations in bed, not contributing to exploitation are just some of the benefits.
Just set it as a challenge to yourself to go a month without (how nnn started) and set your own punishment and reward (not porn or sex related) for success or failure. On success (or failure), try again.
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I've pretty much hit rock bottom and come to the conclusion that I can't stay on my current trajectory. It's already cost me one, if not two, relationships, and I'm tired of dating on hard mode. I'm worried I might be too far gone, so it would be immensely helpful to hear from someone who's been in the same place and managed to turn things around.
I can manage a week or two with the power of self loathing but once the urges come back I'm really, and I mean really good at coming up with excuses.
How much are you jerking it? How has it affected your relationships? Are you jerking it to the point you’re not having sex with your gf? Is it interfering with other activities or responsibilities? Were you happy in those relationships to begin with?
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I've pretty much hit rock bottom and come to the conclusion that I can't stay on my current trajectory. It's already cost me one, if not two, relationships, and I'm tired of dating on hard mode. I'm worried I might be too far gone, so it would be immensely helpful to hear from someone who's been in the same place and managed to turn things around.
I can manage a week or two with the power of self loathing but once the urges come back I'm really, and I mean really good at coming up with excuses.
I don't understand this anti-porn propaganda. Sounds like those relationships of yours just had jealousy issues. What we do with our own bodies is our business. Find you a partner who respects your bodily needs.
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My other half had a very good experience with TalkSpace, which accepts our insurance.
Unless you're in the Republican medicaid-obamacare gap, you should have insurance and they should have at least some mental health coverage. And if you are or they don't, a professional stranger via an online service is definitely something you should look into.
My insurance (US) doesn't have any mental health coverage and I am not under Medicaid/Medicare/Obamacare. Seems to be common enough. I have an HSA bank account, but it gets rapidly depleted from something like that.
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I don't understand this anti-porn propaganda. Sounds like those relationships of yours just had jealousy issues. What we do with our own bodies is our business. Find you a partner who respects your bodily needs.
Please read my other replies. This has absolutely nothing to do with jealousity or anti-porn attitudes.
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How much are you jerking it? How has it affected your relationships? Are you jerking it to the point you’re not having sex with your gf? Is it interfering with other activities or responsibilities? Were you happy in those relationships to begin with?
Sometimes 8 - 12 hours a day, multiple days in a row. I have no interest in sex at all and yes, that obviously affects my relationships as well as other duties.
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I don't have this relationship with porn but have been addicted to other things. I have found some success in this method:
I tell myself "ok, I can do bad habit in three hours, and I promise myself I won't feel bad if I do." and then in three hours, if I can, I just tell myself the same thing over again, and put it off for three more hours. If I buckle, I don't kick the shit out of myself, and I've found that I can make it a whole day if I bargain with myself based on time. If I'm going to do bad habit in three hours, I can think about other things until the three hours is up. And no matter what, setting a small goal (just three measly hours, what's that to me if I can do bad habit as much as I want when it's done?) and accomplishing it gives me a different form of reward.
Idk, it doesn't always work, but when I was trying to fast for health/personal care it really helped me not eat until my "shift" was up.
It doesn't have to be three hours, it could be 30 minutes, or "when I'm done doing other activity" or something similar. Small goals that are possible to attain.
Interesting approach. I hadn't considered this one before. Thanks!
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My other half had a very good experience with TalkSpace, which accepts our insurance.
Unless you're in the Republican medicaid-obamacare gap, you should have insurance and they should have at least some mental health coverage. And if you are or they don't, a professional stranger via an online service is definitely something you should look into.
I'm not from the US. My health insurance doesn't cover therapy and the one covered by our "free" healthcare is excremely difficult to get into.
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I've pretty much hit rock bottom and come to the conclusion that I can't stay on my current trajectory. It's already cost me one, if not two, relationships, and I'm tired of dating on hard mode. I'm worried I might be too far gone, so it would be immensely helpful to hear from someone who's been in the same place and managed to turn things around.
I can manage a week or two with the power of self loathing but once the urges come back I'm really, and I mean really good at coming up with excuses.
I used to be addicted but have managed to quit porn entirely. This isn’t something that can be taught though. You can’t solve an addiction when it’s only a piece of a puzzle where the other pieces keep bringing it back.
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Being conscious of your reasons and motivations can make it a postive step
That's kind of the point why I made this thread. At this point the upsides are mostly hypothetical. I have good reason to believe there are positive changes down the road but I lack the evidence and that competes with a fatalistic view that I was "born this way" or that I've permanently damaged myself through decades of increasingly excessive porn use. I get that too much is too much, and there's obviously no downside to cutting back other than how difficult it is, but when the tough times hit it would be reassuring to know there's light at the end of the tunnel.
You're struggling with moderating dopamine seeking activities. Porn is the specific one, but carelessness can easily lead to others being the target.
Any activity you can't regulate will have a deleterious effect on your life. So my question is what do you want to do with that time and effort?
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The porn-seeking is your maladaptive mood-regulator.
So if you want to change your behaviors or the way you feel about them, you need to change the way you think and feel inside.
Which means stop focusing on the behavior, and start focusing on the underlying feelings which provoke the behavior. I do strongly suggest therapy, because it's an emotional thing that's happening which leads to your useage.
Yeah, depression and loneliness are two classic culprits. Even if OP went cold turkey and kept it up, without dealing with the root cause they're prone to abusing something else instead like video games, religion addiction, exercise addiction, or maybe even substances. And I know some people will say religion and exercise aren't that bad to get addicted to, but much like porn and video games, the dose can make the poison. This is lemmy so I assume people understand how harmful people can be when they're too into their religion. I have a relative who has to go to the gym to avoid panic attacks, and physical overexertion can lead to serious injury.
