Everyone has different types of interaction and connection with each other, and various levels of comfortable intimacy with people. But generally, when you do hit it off with someone, it usually starts off with prolonged eye-contact, deeper and more engaged conversations and a back-and-forth with light flirting, even if it's just smiling and joking together.

That progresses to more physical contact, hand holding, sitting together/lap sitting, hair touching, usually followed by soft talk and close faces. This is where you can easily gauge your partner's interest, if they're reciprocating and seem equally enthusiastic you can quickly move to kissing and suggesting going somewhere more private where you can ask if they want to go somewhere to spend the night or if they rather take it slower. If you find yourself taking the lead, it's always good to give an "out" and suggest an alternative to going direct to sex. Cuddling, talking in private, watching a movie together, etc. You might feel nervous, but the person you're with might be even more nervous.

If you're with the right person, you will reassure each other and find a comfortable pace to progress. If you're already at this point of touching and kissing, it's not going to be a deal-breaker at this point to be talk clearly about what you want and to ask if they want the same thing, or to even admit you're nervous because you're attracted to them. If you're with the right person, it should feel fun, you should both start feeling nature take over as you want to get closer together.

As someone who is demi and married, it was a lot of hard work to find what I was looking for. It was not something I was able to achieve organically out meeting people via a hobby or something. The dating pool is shallow and small for aces, tiny if one is rural. I was determined and persistent because it was important to me, and it still took me about 6 years of consistent effort to find the right relationship for me. I do not blame anyone for just opting out of trying.

I wanted to be a wizard.

Not married yet

I know right, it's so much easier to source virgin blood yourself!

Have you tried talking to a therapist about this, maybe it's just the way you are but it could also be something that could be fixed with medication and therapy

sex is not in some special category of "required in order to be human"

Thanks for this. It's just such an innate biological urge in 99% of people that not experiencing it actually has often made me feel like I'm not a human. It's as basic as getting hungry when you need food or being thirsty when you need water. Idk. I appreciate the words is all, as feeling "not human" has been such a nearly lifelong struggle with this.

I will say though...when people talk about how amazing "mangoes" are, it does make me feel a bit left out even regardless of the "being human" aspect. The way people describe orgasms....it's like they have access to some form of heroin and I don't lol. I have a bit of FOMO wanting to be able to have an experience with such extreme pleasure.

You know I have on occasion thought of something like that. Thing is I don't have any sexual trauma or anything like that. So idk.

I definitely started having mental health issues around puberty...but I mean it's common enough for most pre/teens to experience mental turmoil during that time. So you'd think it wouldn't preclude developing sexually.

I'm just beginning therapy now for some unrelated, more severe issues, but maybe I will eventually bring that up if I can sort out the more pressing things first.

Well...while I said there is nothing wrong with my hormones, I do have quite a bit of excess facial and body hair in a male pattern. So I think I likely have higher than normal testosterone in addition to the normal female hormones causing everything beyond the hair to be "regular". So I don't know that that's the issue either.

There can be any number of pathologies involved like hormone levels etc. It doesn't necessarily have to do anything with trauma. But it's good that you are talking to a professional now, maybe once other things are sorted you could be free to look into this as well, best of luck