Yeah, you have a point here. And it's sad for them. I'm still surprised new ways of dating have not already started to surface as an alternative to that circus/shit show (at least that's what it looks like to me, from the outside).

Maybe I should also say that even when I was young and single I was not much into the dating scene like it's most commonly understood (aka going out, spending money on fancy clothes and stuff like that just to impress as many people as possible). I was more the kind of dude wasting my time (and money) with books, spending time in book shops and in public libraries and with the girls I could meet there. And like me those girls were not obsessed with the brand of clothes we were wearing or the car I was driving.

Some testosterone is important for women’s health too! It isn’t exclusively a male hormone though men do naturally produce more.

Please have a frank and open discussion with a health professional. There is nothing to be embarrassed about and you deserve the full range of the human experience.

I sometimes say "wanna fuck about it?" And it normally works okay.

Aces exist, there is nothing wrong with not feeling sexual desire or attraction. If it doesn't upset her or effect her life in a way she doesn't like then she doesn't need medical intervention.

As someone who is demi and has lived many years at a time as essentially ace, it's frustrating to hear people consistently downplay asexuality as a physical ailment. No, some people are just like this, it's as valid an orientation as any other.

Wanting a higher libido and having zero libido is a problem. Encouraging a person to seek medical advice on an issue they have expressed is a problem is the responsible thing to do.

At no time did they state they were ace and at no point did I claim being ace is ‘invalid’ or a problem.

You are projecting your own frustrations onto the conversation when it isn’t about you.

I didn't see anything in her posts that implied she wanted a higher libido or that she saw her lack of sexual desire as an issue in her day to day life. I did see her say she might like intimate human connection but that's perfectly possible without sex. I think we might both be doing some projection, as yes I am sensitive to people who recommend seeing a doctor when someone describes what its like to be ace, but also you seem to assume having sex is a prerequisite to having an intimate relationship with someone.

It's not.

Lost my virginity when I was 38. I simply viewed (and still view) sex as the ultimate expression of love, and it took me 38 years to fall in love with someone. She was in the same situation, only a few years younger. We've been happily married for a long time, and we still view sex the same way.

you deserve the full range of the human experience.

Please remember that if someone is sex repulsed or doesn't feel sexual desire that this is a weird thing to say. There are so many things humans can experience, with varying degrees of joy and pleasure, sex is not in some special category of "required in order to be human". From my perspective if someone hasn't had a perfectly ripe mango they haven't had the full range of human experience, but some people don't like mangos.

Thanks to you and /u/[email protected] for the delightfully polite and slightly weird, but very uplifting and wholesome interaction!

I also have the inability to feel sexual pleasure. I have tried all different kinds of ways of masturbating and none of them have felt like anything

This doesn’t come across as her being happy with the situation.

I never once mentioned a relationship.

I see, I didn't interpret that paragraph that way

The older I get the less I think this stuff matters. I was driving myself insane in high school thinking I'd fallen behind my peers for not being sexually active. In hindsight I was too immature for a romantic relationship at that age and wanted one for the wrong reasons.
Lost my virginity the summer after school ended, in the holidays before university started, but despite being in a loose relationship, it was pretty forgettable. Couple drunken one night stands after that too, which again felt like going through the motions.
A year later, I ended up meeting my partner and everything about my sexuality just clicked. Sex with the right person is like a different activity altogether.

Now I'm in my 30s, I wonder if bad sex is worth having on the path to good sex. Maybe past experience takes away the pressure somewhat but then the right person will also make any hangups you've got evaporate. Sex has an inherently silliness as your body kind of gets possessed and you find yourself making animal type faces or noises - a lot of the intimacy comes from being comfortable enough around the other person to behave disinhibitedly without judgement.

By no means am I saying that people should wait till marriage or whatever! Only wanted to share my personal experiences. Maybe some of the regretful virgins in this thread haven't met someome who clicks with them yet.

Did you know that if you read the whole post before jumping to conclusions, you might gain information that counters your assumptions? They mentioned this being lifelong, not induced by medication.

Ooo ooo, I don't like mango! Fresh or otherwise!

Depends on if it's a surprise or not. But since surpise one sided intimacy usually racks up felony counts I wouldn't suggest it.

If you're having really good chemistry with someone, if you're having fun together you both start to feel a thing that makes you feel very, very comfortable with them. Laughing together becomes sitting together, becomes holding each other, becomes eye contact, becomes more and more quiet time, next thing you know you're tangled together and nature starts to take over. It's not always, or even usually verbal.

That's how some people do it, some people are more direct and just say "wanna go somewhere?" and they retreat somewhere private to either do the above, or go about getting intimate in their own way.

You can't go wrong talking. If you don't feel comfortable talking to the person you're with on even the most basic level, if you're at all unsure about enthusiastic consent, or what your partner really wants, you have to back up and either spend more time getting comfortable or admit you're not feeling that chemistry together and move along.

Nerves are normal, you should feel nervous but more like the way you feel nervous about to get on a roller coaster. It should be exciting so make sure you understand if your anxiety isn't crossed with your excitement responses. You shouldn't feel scared you should feel heightened and aware. Your partner should also feel this way, it's always okay to ask someone "Are you okay?" "Do you want to?" "Want to wait/go further?" and it's not at all embarrassing or awkward to check with your partner. Unless, again, you're with someone whom you're not actually comfortable being intimate with.

Everyone has different types of interaction and connection with each other, and various levels of comfortable intimacy with people. But generally, when you do hit it off with someone, it usually starts off with prolonged eye-contact, deeper and more engaged conversations and a back-and-forth with light flirting, even if it's just smiling and joking together.

That progresses to more physical contact, hand holding, sitting together/lap sitting, hair touching, usually followed by soft talk and close faces. This is where you can easily gauge your partner's interest, if they're reciprocating and seem equally enthusiastic you can quickly move to kissing and suggesting going somewhere more private where you can ask if they want to go somewhere to spend the night or if they rather take it slower. If you find yourself taking the lead, it's always good to give an "out" and suggest an alternative to going direct to sex. Cuddling, talking in private, watching a movie together, etc. You might feel nervous, but the person you're with might be even more nervous.

If you're with the right person, you will reassure each other and find a comfortable pace to progress. If you're already at this point of touching and kissing, it's not going to be a deal-breaker at this point to be talk clearly about what you want and to ask if they want the same thing, or to even admit you're nervous because you're attracted to them. If you're with the right person, it should feel fun, you should both start feeling nature take over as you want to get closer together.

As someone who is demi and married, it was a lot of hard work to find what I was looking for. It was not something I was able to achieve organically out meeting people via a hobby or something. The dating pool is shallow and small for aces, tiny if one is rural. I was determined and persistent because it was important to me, and it still took me about 6 years of consistent effort to find the right relationship for me. I do not blame anyone for just opting out of trying.

I wanted to be a wizard.

Not married yet