I wanted to be a wizard.

I'm a decade younger, but I'm sure I'll still be a virgin at 40 and beyond.

I have had a lifelong lack of libido (so it has not been caused by any sort of medications or anything). I also have the inability to feel sexual pleasure. I have tried all different kinds of ways of masturbating and none of them have felt like anything. May as well just be touching my forearm. Puberty was confusing as fuck as I couldn't relate to any of my peers in this way. So I've always felt pretty broken.

I don't really like other people touching me, especially strangers. I have tried kissing a couple of times before and I didn't understand how I was supposed to do it like physically...how you're supposed to move your mouth/facial muscles or whatever. It just tasted like spit and was wet and wasn't pleasant.

Mostly I'm fine with it, but sometimes I get a bit sad that I'll never be able to have a deep lifelong, human connection with someone, raise kids, etc.

I get that I can try to find connections within the asexual community, but it's incredibly small and hard to find someone in my same age in my same geographical area.

Oh also I have intense social anxiety which doesn't help.

you deserve the full range of the human experience.

Please remember that if someone is sex repulsed or doesn't feel sexual desire that this is a weird thing to say. There are so many things humans can experience, with varying degrees of joy and pleasure, sex is not in some special category of "required in order to be human". From my perspective if someone hasn't had a perfectly ripe mango they haven't had the full range of human experience, but some people don't like mangos.

Have you tried talking to a therapist about this, maybe it's just the way you are but it could also be something that could be fixed with medication and therapy

Some testosterone is important for women’s health too! It isn’t exclusively a male hormone though men do naturally produce more.

Please have a frank and open discussion with a health professional. There is nothing to be embarrassed about and you deserve the full range of the human experience.

You know I have on occasion thought of something like that. Thing is I don't have any sexual trauma or anything like that. So idk.

I definitely started having mental health issues around puberty...but I mean it's common enough for most pre/teens to experience mental turmoil during that time. So you'd think it wouldn't preclude developing sexually.

I'm just beginning therapy now for some unrelated, more severe issues, but maybe I will eventually bring that up if I can sort out the more pressing things first.