When I Realize I'm A Grownup
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I was 26 before I realised that I could have as much bacon as I wanted whenever I wanted.
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...one morning when i was in college, my roommate and i realised we were grown-ups, so we went to the grocery store, bought two tubs of frosting, came back to our apartment, sat down with spoons-in-hand, and watched an afternoon of arthur c. clarke's myterious world on the sci-fi channel...
(ugh; never again)
...i learned the same lesson chewing a jumbo-pack of fruit stripe all-at-once four years later...
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I was in college and loved Arby's beef and Cheddars. Ordered 5 at the drive through, ate them all within 20 minutes. Oof. I still remember how heavy they were.
...i spent a summer internship working at an office where arby's curly fries were the only vegetarian food within walking distance; haven't been able to stomach them since...
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Shortly after moving out on my own I realized I could just buy broccoli and steam it and eat it whenever I want. Keep in mind I LOOOOOVED steamed broccoli; especially with lemon juice and butter.
I have binged on candy and felt awful afterwards but never in my life have I felt as miserable as I did the night after I ate a whole head of broccoli. The trapped gas in my abdomen literally made me wish I was dead.
…and my dumb ass had to do this twice before before I made the connection…
...that's mostly due to it being undercooked (or cooked-just-right in my opinion), which i learned the hard way after binging on a giant bag and fearing i needed to rush to the hospital until an absurdly-long-winded bout of flatulence relieved the pressure...
...if you overcook your broccoli it doesn't have the same effect...
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Choosing to by a psycho is definitely a choice.
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I was 26 before I realised that I could have as much bacon as I wanted whenever I wanted.
Tell that to your arteries at 35.
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Doesn’t matter. The fourth will put it right.
And the fifth brings you back to upset tummy.
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If your body reacts this way from eating too many sweets once, then your problem started weeks before.
The human body needs way less nutrients than people generally assume.
If I ate something like this, I'd feel awful in a matter of minutes, probably about 30. Oh, it would taste awesome until then.
I'm not diabetic, but hypoglycemia sucks balls. I can't even eat a fucking banana unless I've just had a meal.
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The best part about eating kit kats wrong is the look of disgust on everyone's faces as you do.
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Working too hard can give you a heart attackackackackackack…
He's trading in his Chevy for a Kitititit-Katatatat
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The best part about eating kit kats wrong is the look of disgust on everyone's faces as you do.
There's no right way to eat a kit kat. Fuck nestle.
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Tell that to your arteries at 35.
They say bring on the crestor lined bacon
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Shortly after moving out on my own I realized I could just buy broccoli and steam it and eat it whenever I want. Keep in mind I LOOOOOVED steamed broccoli; especially with lemon juice and butter.
I have binged on candy and felt awful afterwards but never in my life have I felt as miserable as I did the night after I ate a whole head of broccoli. The trapped gas in my abdomen literally made me wish I was dead.
…and my dumb ass had to do this twice before before I made the connection…
Dude, you know what's worse than trapped gas from broccoli? Trapped broccoli. Be careful.
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I think there's actually five, haha
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I was in college and loved Arby's beef and Cheddars. Ordered 5 at the drive through, ate them all within 20 minutes. Oof. I still remember how heavy they were.
What weighs more, 5 Arby's beef and cheddar or 5 pounds of Tungsten? The 5 Arby's beef and cheddar, because you also gotta carry the weight of what you did to those Arby's workers
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I never even thought that i would call someone this, but you have forced me to. YOU BARBARIC!
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Tell that to your arteries at 35.
40 and still doing great!
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There's no right way to eat a kit kat. Fuck nestle.
My friends sure seem to think there is.
