how can I stop spiralling about my breakup?
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I pretend (in a non-grotesque sort of way) that the other person is "dead" to me and that I could "summon" them with a "seance" (text) but it'd be terribly unnatural and there'd be an awful price to pay.
Basically if I make my breakup Practical Magic, it helps somehow heh
Please, more details
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Exist in and feel those emotions, and then let them go as much as you can. As others have said, time will heal this wound. Don't run into the arms of someone else or try to numb this pain; it's important you feel it. Rushing into another relationship will only bury this pain by putting you in an unhealthy situation; numbing it will only lead to bad decisions and possible substance abuse. Let yourself feel this way, as horrible as it feels, and understand that it won't be forever.
You will be okay, and to be honest you will probably be more than okay. In a period that seems impossibly long now but laughably short at the end of this, you will become a better, stronger, and healthier person with a greater capacity to love and the wisdom of who better to give that love to. It is difficult, but you will survive. And then you will thrive. Love yourself and ride this out. You got this.
I wouldn’t rush into another relationship tbh.. I wouldn’t be able to.. would just hanging out with someone worsen things? I’m stressing because part of me still feels like I’m cheating and I’ve developed this guilty conscience after what happened between him and I. a guy wants to go on a walk with me in nature, I told him I’m going through this and he said take ur time and he gets it but part of me thinks maybe going out will take my mind off of it but another part of me thinks that maybe it will just make me miss him more.
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It feels awful to have someone completely change what they want out of life from under you. Know that he's probably been trending that way for a while, and it just took a while for him to bring it to words.
You're going to get angry with him soon, but what you're feeling right now is normal. You're dealing with grief, and there's stages. They're going to take months-years to work through. That's how this shit works.
There's no substitute for time.
Take how long you were together and roughly 1/3rd of that is your recovery time before you're going to have this as a distant, faded, annoying memory of a time before you were stronger and a more capable partner.
If you let yourself, you can use this as an opportunity to get stronger. I know it feels like the two of you were perfect for each other, and that you'll never find someone as special as him again, in all the ways that matter to you; and you're right, you won't, because you'll find someone that will be even more special and will really get you.
You just have to hang in there and give this some time to work through. Don't go rushing into another relationship imo, I've done that and it feels great in the moment, but all it does is delay your healing from this relationship even more. It will make your next breakup even worse, and then you're trapped in a cycle.
Take some time for yourself, give yourself a minimum of 6 months before you think about or start dating again. Nobody is emotionally ready for that out of the gate unless they're sociopaths.
You'll know when it's time. It'll feel right. I promise.
Until then, hang in there, and best of luck on the anger phase of this, that was a rough one for me and lasted longer than I care to admit before I learned to let it go.
I feel angry a bit now. I cried so much yesterday when I was out for my walk but now anger is here. Obviously I’m sad too but part of me is so mad that I spent 6 months now for something to not work or to be given up on so easily. It’s so upsetting. I hate that I did it but I reread me and his messages and seeing how much I tried to make things work, for two months, be trying to fix our relationship…pathetic. I got nothing bad. At one point he was just telling me that he felt like he was always telling me how special and beautiful I am and that I didn’t let it go through. What the fuck? But a few days ago he said he should’ve been more appreciative. He’s saying these now because he realizes now when we aren’t talking that I tried so hard and he didn’t care as much as I did.
That’s the part that hurts. The hardest pill to swallow for me is that. I have only known him since the end of November but I swear it feels like I’ve known him for years. This hurts me so much because I rarely feel like this with people. This urge inside me to text him is crazy. I hate that me and him didn’t talk about it in purpose, it makes my blood boil a little bit.
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Kinda, yeah. In a nice way but yeah.
Anyway, I need to go to bed now. The time where I miss her the most. Her not lying next to me is just a horrible feeling. But I think it helped me a little, talking with someone who goes through the same rn. You know that there always are people going through that, but at least I don't know anyone. Actually feeling that youre not alone is nice. So thank you for that.
We can do it. Even for me it's difficult to believe, but we will get over it. Eventually.On a completely unrelated note, I need to vent about something. I just need to tell someone what happened to me. I just returned from a long trip. I had my bicycle locked at the train station for 3 days. When I came back, my wheels were stolen. Whyyyy? I had to walk home now. And I need my bicycle tomorrow. I need it all the time. That's the first time that something was stolen from me. It feels so bad. Why do people do that. That made me lose all faith in society rn. Whyyyy
Yes! Vent vent vent! Vent to me, message me. I’m here. Whichever jackass took ur wheels will get karma. U know how I think of these situations… like “god let that happen because maybe if I had been able to ride my bike something bad could’ve happened”.. kind of like traffic too… god protecting us from a crash that could’ve happened.. but still I’d be mad. Are you able to get a rope or bigger lock and lock then around your wheels in the future. I’ve never heard of someone stealing bike tires, that’s so lame
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I know I keep posting over and over but I’m in so much pain and I have no one or nowhere to go to when I am sad. I’m trying to channel everything internally without being such a burden and annoyance to people. I keep asking myself “why didn’t he fight for me and his relationship?” “Why am I so easy to be given up on?” “Was I even special to him?” … I cannot stop crying. I feel hopeless right now. When we stopped talking for a couple days and I reached out for closure, he said not speaking for those three days makes him realize he should’ve been more appreciative of me and how hard I tried and all those things. But if he was saying those things then why not turn it around?
I sound like a hopeless romantic but I can’t wrap my head around anything anymore… the closure somehow made it worse I guess. I told him I forgive him for anything he thinks he did wrong. He appreciated that. I miss him so much. I miss our memories, I miss his face. Something deep down inside of me feels like I’m going to see his face again but I know that’s false reality. We never even got to talk to each other about these things in person. I just want to cry in his arms.hate to post a fb link, couldn't for the life of me get it to work otherwise
time will heal.
one day you will remember the good times instead of the bad.
that day will come.
meanwhile, best of luck
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hate to post a fb link, couldn't for the life of me get it to work otherwise
time will heal.
one day you will remember the good times instead of the bad.
that day will come.
meanwhile, best of luck
I know time will heal but fuck… that video is pretty emotional, wonder what she is/went through. i just hate how heavy my heart feels, i hate always being in pain and being sad. I just want it all to end.
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I just dealing with something akin of that. I have her at my left right now choosing photos of a Paris trip I was not in. Want to tell me your story I tell you mine? Sometimes talking about it makes it heal at least a little.
;/ im sorry to hear that. and yea, DM it! please.
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You sound very young so I'll answer as if I was talking to my younger self,who was in the same situation (multiple times.) The answer to your question is simply "time." How much time is in large part up to you. My advice is to cut contact with this person, or at the worst, keep contact extremely minimal (if possible.) Probably best to just forget about him, really. Next, take a few months and just chill. Play some video games or watch movies. Reach out to some friends you haven't seen in a while. Or reach out to friends you see a lot. Get exercise. Just kick back and kinda exist for a while. Then think about getting back into the dating game. Maybe see if there's someone single you see often that interests you. Or do phone app dating or whatever.
My point is you're literally going to be fine and there is no reason to believe otherwise. Later in life you literally will not give a single fucking shit about this person or this time in your life. It will be a distant memory. And it will also serve as a learning experience for you, to take to future relationships. Experience like this is HUGE. Most people date multiple people seriously before finding their spouse or long term partner. All those people dealt with the same thing you are.
Hey, yeah im going to be turning 22 in august. I hate always feeling in pain, the heavy heart. I only have known him since the end of november but it felt like i had known in for AGES. this is whats hurting me so much. i was able to pour so much and open up about so much of my darkest and most vulnerable things that I never share with anyone. i dont have much friends, i mean i have 2 friends but idk ;| there is one guy who wants to see me and go out for hiking and stuff but i feel guilty, i am also scared that It will make me miss him more. but i need a distraction but im scared of a rebound happening.
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Hey, yeah im going to be turning 22 in august. I hate always feeling in pain, the heavy heart. I only have known him since the end of november but it felt like i had known in for AGES. this is whats hurting me so much. i was able to pour so much and open up about so much of my darkest and most vulnerable things that I never share with anyone. i dont have much friends, i mean i have 2 friends but idk ;| there is one guy who wants to see me and go out for hiking and stuff but i feel guilty, i am also scared that It will make me miss him more. but i need a distraction but im scared of a rebound happening.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Everything you're describing is completely normal. Please believe me when I say that I was put through HELL with past relationships in my youth. 2 of the girls cheated on me, one of which I was absolutely madly in love with. One relationship was just absolutely toxic in every way. But you know what? I don't regret the relationships at all because they tought me valuable lessons that I still use in my current relationship. I'm married now and I love my wife. It's a great marriage. Things turned out fine. You're gonna be totally fine! Just get out there and try to meet new people. Do whatever you can to meet new friends and potential partners. You're gonna be totally fine.
Make sure you give yourself the opportunity to move on though. If you're not ready for a rebound then DON'T date right now. That's why I suggested taking at least a few months to be single. After my last relationship peior to my current one, I took 6-8 months off from dating. It was the best decision I ever made. I had to do a lot of self improvement and personal growth before I was ready to date again. I had to take care of my mental health. I had to take care of ME.
Make an effort to see the 2 friends you mentioned. Join some clubs maybe. Just do whatever you can to improve the situation. You're so young! Enjoy yourself. Really, if there was one piece of advice I could give my younger self, it boils down to "you're young. Stfu and enjoy your youth. Relationships at your age aren't the most important thing. Self development and experiences are way more important."
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Everything you're describing is completely normal. Please believe me when I say that I was put through HELL with past relationships in my youth. 2 of the girls cheated on me, one of which I was absolutely madly in love with. One relationship was just absolutely toxic in every way. But you know what? I don't regret the relationships at all because they tought me valuable lessons that I still use in my current relationship. I'm married now and I love my wife. It's a great marriage. Things turned out fine. You're gonna be totally fine! Just get out there and try to meet new people. Do whatever you can to meet new friends and potential partners. You're gonna be totally fine.
Make sure you give yourself the opportunity to move on though. If you're not ready for a rebound then DON'T date right now. That's why I suggested taking at least a few months to be single. After my last relationship peior to my current one, I took 6-8 months off from dating. It was the best decision I ever made. I had to do a lot of self improvement and personal growth before I was ready to date again. I had to take care of my mental health. I had to take care of ME.
Make an effort to see the 2 friends you mentioned. Join some clubs maybe. Just do whatever you can to improve the situation. You're so young! Enjoy yourself. Really, if there was one piece of advice I could give my younger self, it boils down to "you're young. Stfu and enjoy your youth. Relationships at your age aren't the most important thing. Self development and experiences are way more important."
Yeah you’re right. I know being in pain for this is normal and it will be okay. I just hate the process
I miss him a lot but I also know that’s normal.. it saddens me how much I tried to make things work for all my efforts to be overlooked and unappreciated. I’m sorry u got cheated on 
and I’m happy you are in a happy marriage with someone good for you 🤍I’m not looking for a new person to date but I just feel bad seeing another guy, even as just friends. I feel like I’m cheating. I know it sounds dumb but I just have this annoying guilty conscience… I’m scared. Last relationship I had was basically 3 years but after that I got so broken and I had sexual relationships with people and just found comfort and wantedness in sex. It made me numbed out. I don’t want it to happen again and I don’t think it will but I am craving physical intimacy as well. I sound like a hoe or something but idk. I also don’t want to use anyone for comfort or to dump my emotions on. I’m seeing my best friend tomorrow but idk, I don’t feel that emotionally connected with them like how I did with him obviously. -
Yes! Vent vent vent! Vent to me, message me. I’m here. Whichever jackass took ur wheels will get karma. U know how I think of these situations… like “god let that happen because maybe if I had been able to ride my bike something bad could’ve happened”.. kind of like traffic too… god protecting us from a crash that could’ve happened.. but still I’d be mad. Are you able to get a rope or bigger lock and lock then around your wheels in the future. I’ve never heard of someone stealing bike tires, that’s so lame
Yeah that's what I'm thinking too. For now, I'll have to use my old bicycle again and I'd be really surprised if someone were to steal them as they are much worse lol. It just sucks. rip 300€
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I know time will heal but fuck… that video is pretty emotional, wonder what she is/went through. i just hate how heavy my heart feels, i hate always being in pain and being sad. I just want it all to end.
but you haven't always been in pain.
to appreciate the good times you have to have gone through the worst times.believe me, this too shall pass. and you will be stronger and better off for it.
there is no easy way out. just know that complete strangers online have gone through what you are going through, and have your back (as evident in the comments).
and you too, will persevere. and come out on top.
hugs from an internet stranger
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Yeah you’re right. I know being in pain for this is normal and it will be okay. I just hate the process
I miss him a lot but I also know that’s normal.. it saddens me how much I tried to make things work for all my efforts to be overlooked and unappreciated. I’m sorry u got cheated on and I’m happy you are in a happy marriage with someone good for you 🤍I’m not looking for a new person to date but I just feel bad seeing another guy, even as just friends. I feel like I’m cheating. I know it sounds dumb but I just have this annoying guilty conscience… I’m scared. Last relationship I had was basically 3 years but after that I got so broken and I had sexual relationships with people and just found comfort and wantedness in sex. It made me numbed out. I don’t want it to happen again and I don’t think it will but I am craving physical intimacy as well. I sound like a hoe or something but idk. I also don’t want to use anyone for comfort or to dump my emotions on. I’m seeing my best friend tomorrow but idk, I don’t feel that emotionally connected with them like how I did with him obviously.wrote on last edited by [email protected]I feel like I’m cheating. I know it sounds dumb but I just have this annoying guilty conscience… I’m scared.
You're obviously not cheating considering you're not in a relationship with your ex. I think you know that you're not. I will repeat though - take time to be single. You'll know when you're ready to date because you won't feel guilt or shame. You'll just be ready.
I’m sorry u got cheated on
It makes for funny stories tbh. My wife 's friends think my crazy ex-gf stories are ridiculous. They're not just straight forward cheating stories. They have twists and turns.
I sound like a hoe or something but idk.
No you don't. That's a pretty normal thing people do. I did that too. I had my sleeping around phase. I'm not gonna tell young people not to have lots of sex. I think that's something that can be fun when you're young, if it's done respectfully and safely. I guess older people can do it too but it's probably not as fun lol.
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I feel like I’m cheating. I know it sounds dumb but I just have this annoying guilty conscience… I’m scared.
You're obviously not cheating considering you're not in a relationship with your ex. I think you know that you're not. I will repeat though - take time to be single. You'll know when you're ready to date because you won't feel guilt or shame. You'll just be ready.
I’m sorry u got cheated on
It makes for funny stories tbh. My wife 's friends think my crazy ex-gf stories are ridiculous. They're not just straight forward cheating stories. They have twists and turns.
I sound like a hoe or something but idk.
No you don't. That's a pretty normal thing people do. I did that too. I had my sleeping around phase. I'm not gonna tell young people not to have lots of sex. I think that's something that can be fun when you're young, if it's done respectfully and safely. I guess older people can do it too but it's probably not as fun lol.
Yeah, I mean I know I’m not but my brain wants me to think that I am. And thanks for not being judgemental.
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but you haven't always been in pain.
to appreciate the good times you have to have gone through the worst times.believe me, this too shall pass. and you will be stronger and better off for it.
there is no easy way out. just know that complete strangers online have gone through what you are going through, and have your back (as evident in the comments).
and you too, will persevere. and come out on top.
hugs from an internet stranger
I guess not always yeah. But it’s always lingering and every time it gets “better” it kinda plummets again. But I know this will pass and better things will come. It feels nice to talk to everyone on here 🩷
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I wouldn’t rush into another relationship tbh.. I wouldn’t be able to.. would just hanging out with someone worsen things? I’m stressing because part of me still feels like I’m cheating and I’ve developed this guilty conscience after what happened between him and I. a guy wants to go on a walk with me in nature, I told him I’m going through this and he said take ur time and he gets it but part of me thinks maybe going out will take my mind off of it but another part of me thinks that maybe it will just make me miss him more.
Definitely hang out with people and try to have fun, it'll help take your mind off things and begin to remind you who you are outside of the relationship.
But I'm curious why going on a walk with a friend in nature would be cheating? Hanging out alone with someone of the gender(s) you're attracted to isn't cheating. While everyone has different definitions of cheating I think most would agree that violating your partner's boundaries around sexual, emotional, or romantic intimacy is usually what constitutes cheating; hanging out with a friend in a purely platonic way isn't cheating and if your partner made you think so that's a bit of a red flag in my opinion.
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Definitely hang out with people and try to have fun, it'll help take your mind off things and begin to remind you who you are outside of the relationship.
But I'm curious why going on a walk with a friend in nature would be cheating? Hanging out alone with someone of the gender(s) you're attracted to isn't cheating. While everyone has different definitions of cheating I think most would agree that violating your partner's boundaries around sexual, emotional, or romantic intimacy is usually what constitutes cheating; hanging out with a friend in a purely platonic way isn't cheating and if your partner made you think so that's a bit of a red flag in my opinion.
can I send u a dm?
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I feel angry a bit now. I cried so much yesterday when I was out for my walk but now anger is here. Obviously I’m sad too but part of me is so mad that I spent 6 months now for something to not work or to be given up on so easily. It’s so upsetting. I hate that I did it but I reread me and his messages and seeing how much I tried to make things work, for two months, be trying to fix our relationship…pathetic. I got nothing bad. At one point he was just telling me that he felt like he was always telling me how special and beautiful I am and that I didn’t let it go through. What the fuck? But a few days ago he said he should’ve been more appreciative. He’s saying these now because he realizes now when we aren’t talking that I tried so hard and he didn’t care as much as I did.
That’s the part that hurts. The hardest pill to swallow for me is that. I have only known him since the end of November but I swear it feels like I’ve known him for years. This hurts me so much because I rarely feel like this with people. This urge inside me to text him is crazy. I hate that me and him didn’t talk about it in purpose, it makes my blood boil a little bit.
Hang in there. Keep giving it more time, this is good progress you're making already on figuring your emotions and feelings out.
Ignore anyone telling you you're "young" or whatever. Heartbreak is heartbreak, there's no winning or losing, it all just sucks.
Your heartache is just as valid as someone who's been together for 50 years.
This is how we learn, unfortunately. This is an important milestone in a lot of people's relationships, and those who aren't going through what you're going through aren't better, they're just going to have a sharper learning curve later in life when/if they do get a bad breakup. They won't know how to process it.
Think of this like a vaccine. The earlier in life you can work through this, the better prepared you'll be for future relationships.
You'll also be able to use this experience to help others, like your friends, when they're in a similar situation. Try and remember what it feels like and how miserable you feel, and don't become detached or lofty when you see others suffering like you are now. Remember how much it hurt, and understand that's what they're going through as well.
Regarding the guy: Don't reconnect, don't get back, block, etc. This is a situation where you could easily rubber band back and forth, and I've been there too. It's beyond miserable. It's a relationship that's neither enjoyable, fulfilling, or downright awful, but somewhere in between. And it'll last forever if you let it. Don't fall into that trap just because you want to feel good and reconnect and take the easy way out of this suffering. I promise, it won't last, and then the next time around will be worse, and you'll end up gaslighting each other, hating each other, but both being too afraid and unable to escape the toxicity.
