friend gives me weird looks because I’m neurodivergent: is this ableist or am i overreacting?
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my friend, since she found out I’m neurodivergent and hyperfixate, went from really liking me to pretending to like me.
she used to really value me, but now she doesn’t because i have autism and she doesn’t. idk how to feel, she rolls her eyes at me, gives me weird looks, and will just stare at me at times when i say something like “how was your day?” w/o responding.
i understand that she’s a sophomore who’s friends with my friend’s younger sibling, but it still sucks at any age.
this sucks, I'm sorry you're going through it. i tend to tell people I'm autistic if i feel like i might be misunderstood, hoping that it'll give them more understanding of me. but I'm learning that some people just don't know how to handle that information respectfully.
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my friend, since she found out I’m neurodivergent and hyperfixate, went from really liking me to pretending to like me.
she used to really value me, but now she doesn’t because i have autism and she doesn’t. idk how to feel, she rolls her eyes at me, gives me weird looks, and will just stare at me at times when i say something like “how was your day?” w/o responding.
i understand that she’s a sophomore who’s friends with my friend’s younger sibling, but it still sucks at any age.
Talk to her about it. Ask her why she is doing that and tell her how it makes you feel. Do you best to not get angry during that convo.
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my friend, since she found out I’m neurodivergent and hyperfixate, went from really liking me to pretending to like me.
she used to really value me, but now she doesn’t because i have autism and she doesn’t. idk how to feel, she rolls her eyes at me, gives me weird looks, and will just stare at me at times when i say something like “how was your day?” w/o responding.
i understand that she’s a sophomore who’s friends with my friend’s younger sibling, but it still sucks at any age.
How sure are you that she went from valuing you to not valuing you anymore?
I ask because I have autistic friends that struggle in social settings. They tend to over-examine and overthink minute details in social interactions and frequently come away feeling hated or disrespected when that's not the case
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How sure are you that she went from valuing you to not valuing you anymore?
I ask because I have autistic friends that struggle in social settings. They tend to over-examine and overthink minute details in social interactions and frequently come away feeling hated or disrespected when that's not the case
Might also have gone from "not noticing that she doesn't value you" to "noticing that she doesn't value you".
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my friend, since she found out I’m neurodivergent and hyperfixate, went from really liking me to pretending to like me.
she used to really value me, but now she doesn’t because i have autism and she doesn’t. idk how to feel, she rolls her eyes at me, gives me weird looks, and will just stare at me at times when i say something like “how was your day?” w/o responding.
i understand that she’s a sophomore who’s friends with my friend’s younger sibling, but it still sucks at any age.
I dunno, I'm hearing way too many feelings, not enough facts, and zero communication.
Going to go with my usual advice. Nobody is psychic. Have a conversation. Discuss your feelings and be specific about WHY you feel what you feel, and what specific examples you will cite in terms of actions or behaviors.
Then you can act accordingly. You'll either discover some kinda misunderstanding, or clear up some misconception, or perhaps just confirm that you are incompatible as friends for some reason or other.
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my friend, since she found out I’m neurodivergent and hyperfixate, went from really liking me to pretending to like me.
she used to really value me, but now she doesn’t because i have autism and she doesn’t. idk how to feel, she rolls her eyes at me, gives me weird looks, and will just stare at me at times when i say something like “how was your day?” w/o responding.
i understand that she’s a sophomore who’s friends with my friend’s younger sibling, but it still sucks at any age.
She sounds kind of autistic to me, struggling to process social cues and the like.
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my friend, since she found out I’m neurodivergent and hyperfixate, went from really liking me to pretending to like me.
she used to really value me, but now she doesn’t because i have autism and she doesn’t. idk how to feel, she rolls her eyes at me, gives me weird looks, and will just stare at me at times when i say something like “how was your day?” w/o responding.
i understand that she’s a sophomore who’s friends with my friend’s younger sibling, but it still sucks at any age.
Like other comments said, speak with her.
Question for you though, have you started comparing a lot of things to being neuro?
I have friends that did this when they found out. It’s great that you’ve found out something, but for them that doesn’t change a thing. For them you as a person are still the exact same (except if you’re heavily sedated , that might influence behaviour a lot).
Question is, do you want them to understand you or the concept.But again, go talk with her. If something is wrong in a relationship, there are always two at fault. Fault is going quite far, but often it’s not understanding or wanting to understand each other, misreading signals and who knows what.
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my friend, since she found out I’m neurodivergent and hyperfixate, went from really liking me to pretending to like me.
she used to really value me, but now she doesn’t because i have autism and she doesn’t. idk how to feel, she rolls her eyes at me, gives me weird looks, and will just stare at me at times when i say something like “how was your day?” w/o responding.
i understand that she’s a sophomore who’s friends with my friend’s younger sibling, but it still sucks at any age.
Cant say what already has been said.
Talk with your friend -
my friend, since she found out I’m neurodivergent and hyperfixate, went from really liking me to pretending to like me.
she used to really value me, but now she doesn’t because i have autism and she doesn’t. idk how to feel, she rolls her eyes at me, gives me weird looks, and will just stare at me at times when i say something like “how was your day?” w/o responding.
i understand that she’s a sophomore who’s friends with my friend’s younger sibling, but it still sucks at any age.
You could be projecting some. Hard to say. You seem to be making some very strong conclusions which is hard to know if they are correct. Explicit communication is best. But try to start from a more neutral position and don't assume your feelings/perceptions are accurate to how she feels.
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Like other comments said, speak with her.
Question for you though, have you started comparing a lot of things to being neuro?
I have friends that did this when they found out. It’s great that you’ve found out something, but for them that doesn’t change a thing. For them you as a person are still the exact same (except if you’re heavily sedated , that might influence behaviour a lot).
Question is, do you want them to understand you or the concept.But again, go talk with her. If something is wrong in a relationship, there are always two at fault. Fault is going quite far, but often it’s not understanding or wanting to understand each other, misreading signals and who knows what.
I made this mistake too when I figured out I had ADHD. I had a shiny new hammer to fix all my problems with, and EVERYTHING was a nail. And I really liked showing off my shiny new hammer to explain why I was trying to hammer all these nails.
People didn't like it very much. I was being obnoxious. I know I was. I knew it at the time too, but still couldn't stop myself.
Our culture right now does not favor talking about mental health in any capacity, and I think part of that comes from shame for some people ("on no, what if I'm similar and have it?"), and for other people its just a frustrating change in routine ("oh God am I going to have to listen to this every day from now on, and change how I do things to boot?") - it becomes extra burden in their eyes.
The trick is masking. It's always masking. It sucks that we have to mask, but masking unfortunately works. Don't talk about your issues, or if you do only do it once with any particular group of people.
On the flipside, it's still important to be yourself. Find a good group who you don't have to wear the mask around and spend as much time with them as you can, so you can deal with the times you do.
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