Would you enter a relationship with someone with genital herpes?
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Oh that makes sense, I kinda remember hearing about that before. I didn’t ask which kind she had and I’m not sure if there’s a significant difference. I must’ve glossed over that stuff, since I was more focused on figuring out the risk. I just remember learning in school that it was a cause for concern and she’s very insecure about it and she takes daily antivirals. I figured if you need medicine, it must be bad. I guess it could just be good old abstinence fear mongering propaganda. I’ll have to read more thoroughly.
It can be bad for some people. They take antivirals. Those aren’t without their own risks.
Life is not without risks. You could leave this opportunity on the table because of the risk and catch it from a one night stand who didn’t even know they had it. What then?
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It can be bad for some people. They take antivirals. Those aren’t without their own risks.
Life is not without risks. You could leave this opportunity on the table because of the risk and catch it from a one night stand who didn’t even know they had it. What then?
I ultimately don’t think I would’ve left it on the table. For better or for worse, I’m pretty stubborn and reckless when strong emotions are involved. I was kinda hoping people would say it’s fine, which seems to essentially be the case.
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Edit: Oh geez. I guess I might’ve just gotten worked up on just the stigma. Hell, I wonder if I gave it to her now. I’ve slept around way more than her.
Edit 2: I cut out the whole long story because I’m a bit embarrassed to have overthought it so much and I guess it’s not really relevant. I’ll leave the post up so maybe other anxious people can see the responses.
The spark notes version is: I loved a girl and let her go and when she came back, she and I worried about her having herpes.
This is one of those viral diseases that you're unable to avoid if you're going to have any kind of active sex life. Regular oral sex always carries the risk of transfer of "cold sores" (which pretty much everyone has, although some never really show any symptoms) to the genitals.
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I wouldn't give two shits about it. It's not a life threatening disease or anything even if you catch it, and hardly ever breaks out, especially when medicated. And if it does, it's gone after a week.
I'd probably not even bother with condoms if it's a long term commitment.
I mean, I would recommend condoms for other reasons.
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Edit: Oh geez. I guess I might’ve just gotten worked up on just the stigma. Hell, I wonder if I gave it to her now. I’ve slept around way more than her.
Edit 2: I cut out the whole long story because I’m a bit embarrassed to have overthought it so much and I guess it’s not really relevant. I’ll leave the post up so maybe other anxious people can see the responses.
The spark notes version is: I loved a girl and let her go and when she came back, she and I worried about her having herpes.
Wow, that is quite the story. I have struggled with this question and how I would feel on either side of the equation. As a person who grew up in the conservative 90s who became a more balanced and freethinking person, I still have what might be an irrationally strong fear of STDs. This fear combined with religious conditioning around relationships kind of fucked up high school and early college for me. I was supposed to be boning the entire cheer leading team and I was learning about how angry Jesus was at my impure fantasies. My late 20s and 30s have been a lot better, but I still have a really hard time gaging risks and deciding how I feel about them so I tend to err on the side of being overly careful and miss a lot potentially great experiences with people. I think getting tested with a new partner is always wise.
One of the other commenters said "a lifetime of pills and difficult conversations". That's one of the scary places my mind might go to, but you could still reframe it as "I'm going to have get better at communicating needs and boundaries in my relationships, especially early on". That sounds less scary and more fulfilling. I still would like to avoid getting infected.
On a positive note, the fact that she was upfront and honest about it is a good sign. I'd tread carefully but if I really meshed well with the person abd saw a medium/long term future for us, I would probably try to figure something out to make myself more comfortable in the short term, like asking her to confirm she took her meds and using protection. If she cares about you and you make it about your feelings and not blaming her.
Lastly, none of us are perfect and you might have a few oddities she doesn't find particularly pleasant. Rejecting her for something that she can't change could make her feel like she's "not good enough" or "damaged" and even if you guys don't shaboink I wouldn't want a friend or crush to feel that way. That's the shit her ex did. I think it would be better to tell her how you feel about her (positive) and express that your apprehensive about the herpes thing.
Sorry for the wall of text. Thought about it a lot thanks to church school.
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Edit: Oh geez. I guess I might’ve just gotten worked up on just the stigma. Hell, I wonder if I gave it to her now. I’ve slept around way more than her.
Edit 2: I cut out the whole long story because I’m a bit embarrassed to have overthought it so much and I guess it’s not really relevant. I’ll leave the post up so maybe other anxious people can see the responses.
The spark notes version is: I loved a girl and let her go and when she came back, she and I worried about her having herpes.
Yeah, who gives a fuck? more people have it than don't.
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This is one of those viral diseases that you're unable to avoid if you're going to have any kind of active sex life. Regular oral sex always carries the risk of transfer of "cold sores" (which pretty much everyone has, although some never really show any symptoms) to the genitals.
Above someone posted a stat that only 13% have genital herpes though
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Yeah, who gives a fuck? more people have it than don't.
Above someone posted a stat that only 13% have genital herpes
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Edit: Oh geez. I guess I might’ve just gotten worked up on just the stigma. Hell, I wonder if I gave it to her now. I’ve slept around way more than her.
Edit 2: I cut out the whole long story because I’m a bit embarrassed to have overthought it so much and I guess it’s not really relevant. I’ll leave the post up so maybe other anxious people can see the responses.
The spark notes version is: I loved a girl and let her go and when she came back, she and I worried about her having herpes.
I mean it wouldn't be my first choice. If I found out early enough it might be enough of a push factor not to pursue them.
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Wow, that is quite the story. I have struggled with this question and how I would feel on either side of the equation. As a person who grew up in the conservative 90s who became a more balanced and freethinking person, I still have what might be an irrationally strong fear of STDs. This fear combined with religious conditioning around relationships kind of fucked up high school and early college for me. I was supposed to be boning the entire cheer leading team and I was learning about how angry Jesus was at my impure fantasies. My late 20s and 30s have been a lot better, but I still have a really hard time gaging risks and deciding how I feel about them so I tend to err on the side of being overly careful and miss a lot potentially great experiences with people. I think getting tested with a new partner is always wise.
One of the other commenters said "a lifetime of pills and difficult conversations". That's one of the scary places my mind might go to, but you could still reframe it as "I'm going to have get better at communicating needs and boundaries in my relationships, especially early on". That sounds less scary and more fulfilling. I still would like to avoid getting infected.
On a positive note, the fact that she was upfront and honest about it is a good sign. I'd tread carefully but if I really meshed well with the person abd saw a medium/long term future for us, I would probably try to figure something out to make myself more comfortable in the short term, like asking her to confirm she took her meds and using protection. If she cares about you and you make it about your feelings and not blaming her.
Lastly, none of us are perfect and you might have a few oddities she doesn't find particularly pleasant. Rejecting her for something that she can't change could make her feel like she's "not good enough" or "damaged" and even if you guys don't shaboink I wouldn't want a friend or crush to feel that way. That's the shit her ex did. I think it would be better to tell her how you feel about her (positive) and express that your apprehensive about the herpes thing.
Sorry for the wall of text. Thought about it a lot thanks to church school.
wrote last edited by [email protected]You, her, and I seem to have pretty similar backgrounds. Although my church was more about “love thy neighbor” than penitence and punishment.
Upon further, clearer headed reading, it seems like it’s actually not as big a deal as we were raised to believe.
As far as her intentions go, I’m not really concerned about that much. I don’t turn anyone away, that’s just not who I am. I was just anxious writing this and a bit of my paranoia spilled out. I have no real reason to doubt her intentions, just trauma from people I should’ve doubted more.
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Above someone posted a stat that only 13% have genital herpes though
AFAIK that's not the same thing as "herpes on their genitalia" though. There are two kinds of the virus, type 1 and type 2. However, type 1 can infect the genital area and type 2 can (although it's not as common) infect the throat.
Receiving oral sex from someone with type 1 ("cold sores") can give you herpes on your genitalia. It's still type 1 though, and is thus not referred to as "genital herpes" since that's the name given to type 2. Since many herpes infections are asymptomatic a lot of people don't even know they're infected.
Confusing, yes.
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AFAIK that's not the same thing as "herpes on their genitalia" though. There are two kinds of the virus, type 1 and type 2. However, type 1 can infect the genital area and type 2 can (although it's not as common) infect the throat.
Receiving oral sex from someone with type 1 ("cold sores") can give you herpes on your genitalia. It's still type 1 though, and is thus not referred to as "genital herpes" since that's the name given to type 2. Since many herpes infections are asymptomatic a lot of people don't even know they're infected.
Confusing, yes.
The question was specifically about genital herpes though so I guess type 2
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Edit: Oh geez. I guess I might’ve just gotten worked up on just the stigma. Hell, I wonder if I gave it to her now. I’ve slept around way more than her.
Edit 2: I cut out the whole long story because I’m a bit embarrassed to have overthought it so much and I guess it’s not really relevant. I’ll leave the post up so maybe other anxious people can see the responses.
The spark notes version is: I loved a girl and let her go and when she came back, she and I worried about her having herpes.
Not because of them, no. If disclosed up front and actively working to keep from sharing them I'd be OK with it.
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Above someone posted a stat that only 13% have genital herpes
Wikipedia says 60-95% of adults
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Wikipedia says 60-95% of adults
Are we reading the same article?
In 2015, about 846 million people (12% of the world population) had genital herpes.
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Are we reading the same article?
In 2015, about 846 million people (12% of the world population) had genital herpes.
Oh, I was looking at the page for Herpes in general. My bad. Have a look at that if you're interested.
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I mean, I would recommend condoms for other reasons.
I got a vasectomy, so in a committed relationship, I don't care.
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Oh, I was looking at the page for Herpes in general. My bad. Have a look at that if you're interested.
I think the thread overall has a lot of people talking about herpes in general instead of specifically genital herpes. I wonder if OP edited the title or what
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Doesn’t like everyone and their cat have herpes?
Not the genital one
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I think the thread overall has a lot of people talking about herpes in general instead of specifically genital herpes. I wonder if OP edited the title or what
Same answer for me still. Most people who have it are asymptomatic.
