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  3. Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

    It is the Golden Age of humanity. Robots serve, CRISPR cures, and war is unnecessary. Earth becomes a paradise--pure perfection. And so we turn our eyes to the stars. The human race spreads throughout the galaxy. We encounter alien species and subsequently, in our magnanimity, conquer them. We are unity. Every life-form will submit to the peace of our administration: or they will perish.

    D This user is from outside of this forum
    D This user is from outside of this forum
    [email protected]
    wrote on last edited by
    #109

    Had me in the first half. Nice hack. Why rewrite reality when you can just send one person to the mirror universe?

    1 Reply Last reply
    0
    • S [email protected]

      I'd like to be the sole owner of all global patents required for an effective, sustainable, eco-friendly solution to removing and recycling microplastics from earth's environment.

      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote on last edited by
      #110

      It's official: you are now the sole owner of all eco-friendly and sustainable microplastic patents. There are only a few that are effective, and they are all set to expire in an hour:

      1 Reply Last reply
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      • W [email protected]

        The ability to restart parts of my life from a save file, starting from like 16.

        W This user is from outside of this forum
        W This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote on last edited by
        #111

        Read Peter F Hamilton's Void saga.

        W 1 Reply Last reply
        1
        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
          This post did not contain any content.
          A This user is from outside of this forum
          A This user is from outside of this forum
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          wrote on last edited by
          #112

          To see all Oaken Tower players have their computer mice overheat when playing that game. To the point where an hour of playing it would make their mice unusable.

          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
          0
          • W [email protected]

            Read Peter F Hamilton's Void saga.

            W This user is from outside of this forum
            W This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote on last edited by
            #113

            Literally would not have the time for that on an average day. Will see if I can get Vuzix glasses 2 so I can covertly read it at work.

            W 1 Reply Last reply
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            • samus12345@sh.itjust.worksS [email protected]

              The Combine off Earth. I want the Combine off Earth!

              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
              [email protected]
              wrote on last edited by
              #114

              Half-Life 3 Confirmed:

              samus12345@sh.itjust.worksS 1 Reply Last reply
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              • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                This post did not contain any content.
                A This user is from outside of this forum
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                wrote on last edited by
                #115

                Popcorn Shrimp rain, please.

                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
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                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                  This post did not contain any content.
                  fattony@lemmy.worldF This user is from outside of this forum
                  fattony@lemmy.worldF This user is from outside of this forum
                  [email protected]
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #116

                  Well I have never had a girlfriend before. And I would really like to have one. So, how about that?

                  balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
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                  • W [email protected]

                    The ability to restart parts of my life from a save file, starting from like 16.

                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                    [email protected]
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #117

                    The first time you activate your power, you are unknowingly stuck in a time loop. Each time you reactivate the power, the loop gets shorter from the point in time you restarted. Basically the movie Groundhog Day but the time loop partially depends on you:

                    dasus@lemmy.worldD W 2 Replies Last reply
                    0
                    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                      You are now the proud owner of a fully-functional/powered industrial replicator (as seen in Star Trek). The replicator requires a massive energy input which is supplied by its own matter-antimatter reactors. There are numerous built-in safety and ethical protocols, including an inability to replicate functional weapons. The government has detected that you have this technology, and would like to ask you a few questions:

                      B This user is from outside of this forum
                      B This user is from outside of this forum
                      [email protected]
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #118

                      As long as the replicator works, I'd call that a win and sort out the rest in a classic Star Trek hairbrained way.

                      1 Reply Last reply
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                      • B [email protected]

                        I would like sanity to be part of our country again. Too big an ask?

                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                        [email protected]
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #119

                        Sanity is a part of the country again but does not prevail against opposing forces:

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                        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                          In a flash, everyone's prime directive is empathy. Our modern systems of government based on greed and sex drive crumble away. In its place rises the Feelings Bureaucracy; a dictatorial government in which social offenses, inflicted on the unified society of empathic feelers, is punished severely. The fastest way to deal with bad actors to ensure they do not make others feel bad is to execute them. In response, the world develops a culture of putting another's needs before one's own, or else:

                          G This user is from outside of this forum
                          G This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #120

                          Sounds like what chuds think the world is already like

                          1 Reply Last reply
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                          • R [email protected]

                            A bagel.

                            No. Wait.

                            Two bagels.

                            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #121

                            The next time that you eat at a restaurant and are entirely full, two fresh artisanal bagels are delivered to your table: they're complementary.

                            R 1 Reply Last reply
                            1
                            • F [email protected]

                              Can you get me the Chalupa Supreme combo with 1 steak and 1 chicken?

                              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                              [email protected]
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #122

                              Granted, but it was previously discarded. Still edible though:

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                              • hupf@feddit.orgH [email protected]

                                [email protected]

                                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                [email protected]
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #123

                                Oh I am absolutely loving this community. Happy cake day btw

                                1 Reply Last reply
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                                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                  The next time that you eat at a restaurant and are entirely full, two fresh artisanal bagels are delivered to your table: they're complementary.

                                  R This user is from outside of this forum
                                  R This user is from outside of this forum
                                  [email protected]
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #124

                                  Do you want one? I couldn't possibly eat two...

                                  balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                                  1
                                  • W [email protected]

                                    The ability to restart parts of my life from a save file, starting from like 16.

                                    dasus@lemmy.worldD This user is from outside of this forum
                                    dasus@lemmy.worldD This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #125

                                    16? Why limit yourself? Why not go back to like two years old and shock everyone with your maturity?

                                    W 1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                      The first time you activate your power, you are unknowingly stuck in a time loop. Each time you reactivate the power, the loop gets shorter from the point in time you restarted. Basically the movie Groundhog Day but the time loop partially depends on you:

                                      dasus@lemmy.worldD This user is from outside of this forum
                                      dasus@lemmy.worldD This user is from outside of this forum
                                      [email protected]
                                      wrote on last edited by [email protected]
                                      #126

                                      The image made me think of this one weird "song" I used to listen to somewhat when I used to do nitrous oxide, years ago.

                                      https://youtu.be/6AuQPqJPSKE

                                      Preview doesn't seem to be working, but it's the same illustration.

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • A [email protected]

                                        To see all Oaken Tower players have their computer mice overheat when playing that game. To the point where an hour of playing it would make their mice unusable.

                                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                        [email protected]
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #127

                                        You have a video of this happening that you may see on your computer at any time. They look really frustrated, but it doesn't happen in real life:

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        1
                                        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                          You got it. Post apocalyptic scenario ends all forms of investment and monetary exchange. We go back to the barter system:

                                          W This user is from outside of this forum
                                          W This user is from outside of this forum
                                          [email protected]
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #128

                                          Is that still from Life After People?

                                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
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