Everybody gets one [choose wisely]
-
Hello wise one,
I find the Earth's gravity of 9.80665m/s² a bit much. Sometimes my back hurts from standing too long, and the general weight of existence sits heavy on my shoulders.
Can you make it a bit more comfortable please. Maybe 9.80664?
Sure, I have now reduced the Earth's gravity to 9.80664% of it's previous value (i.e., ~0.96m/s²) by removing material in the Earth's core and mantle. Everything on Earth now weighs less than on the moon. Earthquakes shake the planet, massive fissures swallow cities whole, and the atmosphere begins to disperse into the vacuum of space. Humans barely have enough time to escape to the moon and Mars: the vast majority are left behind. On the bright side, your back no longer hurts:
-
Fully automated luxury queer space communism, in the sense it was conceived at (as opposed to you interpreting the words yourself), instantly, with everybody’s belief system magically adapting as if they had lived in this new society for a few decades. As a result, everyone adapts immediately, without negative result on anyone's mental or physical health, and without anyone being brainwashed or changed in a way they wouldn't have naturally changed if they had time to experience living in a community that they can trust and that cares about them.
In other words: Iain M. Banks’ Culture decides to bring Earth in, but magically instantly.
const SIMULATIONTHEORY = true. All humans on Earth are transported out of physical existence and unknowingly adapted to the realm of computer abstracta. From their perspective, nothing has changed: they have always lived in a post-scarcity, interstellar society with a benevolent, queer-friendly, communist government. The current owner of the simulation is startled to see the program start of its own accord, but altruistic enough to allow it to keep running:
-
a couple hugs
Two of your friends hug you, but they are magically compelled to not let go. If they are somehow separated, they will always seek to reinstate the hug:
-
Everybody's got to fart loudly once a day in front of people.
Uh, sure? Everyone must fart loudly once a day in front of people OR THEY WILL DIE. (I have made it so that everyone is aware of the aliment.) On the bright side, the social taboo around flatulence goes away:
-
There are too many possible things to ask
The wisest wish, may be no wish at all...
-
Ah, Gandalf the Pink. Is that what happens if the Balrog gets you a second time?
-
Sure, there is a period of turmoil on golf courses around the globe. Shenanigans ensue. Eventually, people switch to croquet and disk golf:
Mission accomplished.
-
I said spread, not share. One would not consider peanut butter spread on bread if you put it in one glob and then picked up and moved the glob somewhere else.
"Spread" indeed implies but does not entail that it happens instantly. For instance, Bill Gates could say that he "spread riches among the poor" without mentioning that he did it slowly, over decades. There's a grammatical ambiguity to be exploited.
-
So long as I can do this stuff for myself, I'm happy to spread the love!
Just make the ironic twist really out of proportion, that still counts, example
"World hunger is solved technologically and with no downside, however you drop your next toasts butter side down on the ground, but just once" -
You are transported to a homestead deep within the Appalachian Mountains. You see seeds, goats, chickens, some tools, a well, a shed, and a small house. The homestead is magically separated from the rest of the world. You are doomed to survive by the fruit of your toil, stranded for decades without electricity, plumbing, or modern conveniences:
Sounds like heaven.
And I'd survive just fine. I was raised in a similar situation. Third world poor in the US. I can raise a garden. I can hunt and forage. I can make a bow and arrows. I can tan hides for leather. I know the basics of blacksmithing.
-
Eight people are now standing in your living room; it's two pairs of the alternative rock band "Kitten". Looking at their other selves, they start panicking:
very entertaing ill take it
-
Sounds like heaven.
And I'd survive just fine. I was raised in a similar situation. Third world poor in the US. I can raise a garden. I can hunt and forage. I can make a bow and arrows. I can tan hides for leather. I know the basics of blacksmithing.
Impressive!
-
Your mortal understanding is limited. And a hive mind consciousness would be more empathetic, no?
Our opinions diverge.
-
Sure, I have now reduced the Earth's gravity to 9.80664% of it's previous value (i.e., ~0.96m/s²) by removing material in the Earth's core and mantle. Everything on Earth now weighs less than on the moon. Earthquakes shake the planet, massive fissures swallow cities whole, and the atmosphere begins to disperse into the vacuum of space. Humans barely have enough time to escape to the moon and Mars: the vast majority are left behind. On the bright side, your back no longer hurts:
Thanks that's perfect, my back feels great.
If I'm allowed another wish, can I get a space suit? Ideally ASAP
-
This post did not contain any content.
For the Epstein list to be released and for all the wealthy pesos to be executed.
-
Here you go. These are gender-fluids. Once ingested, someone who identifies as either a man or a woman will now identify as gender-fluid. (Does not come with physical changes):
wrote last edited by [email protected]Tbh if we market it as a designer healthy drink and target to top 1%, we probably would admonish the concept of gender in no time.
-
For the Epstein list to be released and for all the wealthy pesos to be executed.
wrote last edited by [email protected]The Epstein list is released, which implicates many beloved celebrities, public intellectuals, and even more politicians than everyone thought. And yet, somehow, only the people who hold a lot of their wealth in pesos face any real consequences (i.e., execution):
-
Yes, unlimited access to universal truth, with error reporting, but I've read enough monkey's paws to know how this goes.
The house always wins. Happy cake day btw
-
Two buns enclosing, ketchup, onions, lettuce, pickles, and tomatoes are at your fingertips.
finally some good vegan food
