So proud!
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So when my ex-husband first went to vet tech school they, at some point, learned about menstruation. He proceeded to explain to me, a middle aged woman, how periods work, lol.
So your ex-husband was an asshole. Cool story, but the world is full of condescending assholes of all kinds and polite people of all kinds.
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"Mansplaining" is describing something sexist. It describes a real phenomenon that is necessarily gendered.
It's not sexist for the same reason terms like "anti-semitism" or "gay bashing" aren't prejudiced. They're descriptive of a real thing that happens.
Terminology like this can help women navigate problems that men don't have. If you don't see the value in it, maybe that's because you've never experienced that problem.
I don't know...my wife wifesplains things to me...assuming I'm a toddler and I'm not loading the dishwasher optimally; despite me knowing how to run computational fluid dynamics software and being aware of water flow optimiztion.
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My partner has taught/trained me to ask "would you like to hear more?" before I info-dump on him.
Example:
Me: "at work today I've been playing around with configuration settings for Primo VE, specifically the search scopes... Um... would you like to hear more?"Response: "I'm glad you have an interesting problem at work and no, no thank you."
The problem with this, and it's a serious one, is that gives them the opportunity to say no.
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In her mind she views the man as being condescending. In her mind she believes she knows better. So she's using the term correctly.
Now to be clear, I'm not saying it is mansplaining. Nor am I saying the man shouldn't be doing it in that scenario.
That's my point. It's being used far too liberally. I'm not saying they don't feel justified in using it, I'm saying that the standard being applied is far too low, and it shuts down legitimate communication. It has the built in defense of delegitimizing any attempts at clarification, because obviously the mansplainer is just mansplaining how he isn't mansplaining.
To go back to my analogy:
Would you likewise agree that a man would be justified in accusing a woman, with an accurate and valid complaint, of womancomplaining simply because he felt she was exaggerating? And couldn't he then go on to deflect any clarification she offers as further womancomplaining?
I'm not saying these people don't feel like they're using their terms correctly, I'm saying that it shuts down communication and accelerates the weaponization of accusation. It contributes to the gender divide, and has certainly helped to nudge men towards man-o-sphere radicalization.
I don't mean to address any of your points with this reply, I just want to point out that men regularly accuse women of "womancomplaining" or "being too emotional" or "being hysterical." A lot of women were lobotomised because of this kind of thing.
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In her mind she views the man as being condescending. In her mind she believes she knows better. So she's using the term correctly.
Now to be clear, I'm not saying it is mansplaining. Nor am I saying the man shouldn't be doing it in that scenario.
That's my point. It's being used far too liberally. I'm not saying they don't feel justified in using it, I'm saying that the standard being applied is far too low, and it shuts down legitimate communication. It has the built in defense of delegitimizing any attempts at clarification, because obviously the mansplainer is just mansplaining how he isn't mansplaining.
To go back to my analogy:
Would you likewise agree that a man would be justified in accusing a woman, with an accurate and valid complaint, of womancomplaining simply because he felt she was exaggerating? And couldn't he then go on to deflect any clarification she offers as further womancomplaining?
I'm not saying these people don't feel like they're using their terms correctly, I'm saying that it shuts down communication and accelerates the weaponization of accusation. It contributes to the gender divide, and has certainly helped to nudge men towards man-o-sphere radicalization.
You say that's your point but,
Would you likewise agree that a man would be justified in accusing a woman, with an accurate and valid complaint, of womancomplaining simply because he felt she was exaggerating?
I've made it extremely clear, multiple times that I am not commenting on whether I believe anything to actually be mansplaining. By your definition of how people should use your hypothetical example term, the person in your example would be using it correctly.
I haven't been discussing whether I think it's a good term or bad term, that's a different and unrelated topic, I am only talking about whether people "use it differently" now than they used to.
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Right, so a man talking to a woman in the same field shouldn't explain what is basic in their field. That is mansplaining. Mansplaining is contextual.
Basic to who, the man or the woman? How does one know what another deems basic? What appears basic to you is not likely to be so for me, and the converse of this is also likely true.
Better said that mansplaining is a post-hoc label applied to an event with a presumption of intent on the speaking party made. One can liken it to "are you looking at me pal?", but more socially acceptable.
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So your ex-husband was an asshole. Cool story, but the world is full of condescending assholes of all kinds and polite people of all kinds.
Right, just an example of the behavior of note in action. Correct, he was also a condescending asshole. I think those are prerequisites.
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Dropping this gem here:
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So taking up unnecessary public space is something particular to men? Do all men do this, or just only men?
Or are we gendering bad behavior to win internet points?
Trans woman who pays a bit more attention to mannerisms than most people, both in men and women.
- Yes, it's a real thing
- It's at least 90% men, and I'm being generous
- It's not most men that do it (especially in the sillier ways)
- Size matters not
Picture a teenager in black sweatpants and a hoodie, on his own in a bus. That's the most common I think. It's generally men who try to project an image of strong masculinity or coolness. They don't really do it with other people because it's silly. It might be an unconscious thing, idk. It still looks stupid. It's mostly men because it's a masculinity thing.
It's great if you don't do it, and I wouldn't be surprised at all if you didn't. But there very much is a type of guy who does it. And there is no common type of woman for that specific behavior.
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It doesn't help that women are just more polite and more likely to let you finish talking even when they know everything lol
I was agreeing with you sooo heavily until this last paragraph. This is a biased generalization of women, and arguably an implied contrast to men.
Maybe it's just the people I know? Could even just be the upbringing in a formerly soviet nation, it used to be pretty socially conservative in many ways here. Younger people are starting to break out of that pattern luckily. All I know is, in my generation and older ones, on average, guys tend to be more loud and in your face, more likely to interrupt you while talking.
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I'm not mansplaining I'm tism info dumping. If you want to patronize me go for it. I'll keep going
I for one would love to be called a clever little guy after infodumping š„°
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Bit of a difference between "mansplaining" and the other terms in that the other terms mention the target of the action, leaving the actor ambiguous. Anyone could be anti-semitic or bash gay people. Mansplaining is a term specifically coined to say that only men can perform condescending infodumps. What's worse, nowadays it's often used just for men explaining things they're not sure if the other person knows. Some of us are also neurodivergent and have trouble picking up even fairly obvious social cues. I know it's a problem for me with ADHD and I know there's also "tism infodumps". Both disorders affect women too (and ADHD in women is underdiagnosed), but I've never heard "womansplaining" used as a term, nor do I think it would be appropriate. It'd be a hella sexist term.
I'm sure there's quite a few men out there who legitimately are so condescending, they feel they have to explain basic things to "dumb women". But I'm willing to bet most cases of "mansplaining" are some guy being an idiot and missing hints from the other party in the conversation, as well as just misjudging what is common knowledge and what isn't.
It doesn't help that women are just more polite and more likely to let you finish talking even when they know everything lol
But Iām willing to bet most cases of āmansplainingā are some guy being an idiot and missing hints from the other party in the conversation, as well as just misjudging what is common knowledge and what isnāt.
If you're a man, who are you to invalidate the experiences of women like that?
If someone overuses the term and accuses someone of mansplaining when that's not what they're doing, by all means call it out. I've been unfairly accused of mansplaining before. But that had nothing to do with the word itself and everything to do with the person who said it. Not having access to that word wouldn't have made them more reasonable.
Meanwhile the word describes an experience that you have never had, and you're sitting here saying that most of the people who have had it actually haven't. That's kind of fucked up, dude. Take a step back.
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I don't mean to address any of your points with this reply, I just want to point out that men regularly accuse women of "womancomplaining" or "being too emotional" or "being hysterical." A lot of women were lobotomised because of this kind of thing.
Yes, and it's a bad thing. That's my point.
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There was no "she" in my story.
Edit: and we just had a test of the system. I got home bubbling about updating Anubis and the new config options, then asked "would you like to hear more?" and he was like "sounds like you had a good day, no thank you" then flopped face-first onto the couch.
I was just alegorizing an unbalanced relationship, not trying to describe yours.
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Trans woman who pays a bit more attention to mannerisms than most people, both in men and women.
- Yes, it's a real thing
- It's at least 90% men, and I'm being generous
- It's not most men that do it (especially in the sillier ways)
- Size matters not
Picture a teenager in black sweatpants and a hoodie, on his own in a bus. That's the most common I think. It's generally men who try to project an image of strong masculinity or coolness. They don't really do it with other people because it's silly. It might be an unconscious thing, idk. It still looks stupid. It's mostly men because it's a masculinity thing.
It's great if you don't do it, and I wouldn't be surprised at all if you didn't. But there very much is a type of guy who does it. And there is no common type of woman for that specific behavior.
Doesnāt match my experience but I appreciate you sharing your perspective.
Sadly, my experience is that post-covid everyone is always rude and selfish and oblivious to others. People seem to love standing three-across on sidewalks or in doorways for a LONG time.
I just came from Costco where EVERYONE leaves their carts perpendicular across aisles regardless of their genital configuration or gender presentation.
Iām beginning to enjoy ramming them out of the way.
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One side of the issue: A woman annoyed because men talk down to her, comes up with a solution.
The other side: ?
The middle: ??
The other side: not trying to be annoying, just sharing knowledge or trying to engage in conversation. People just want to connect and maybe try to impress the other side.
The middle: don't take everything as an affront to you.
I have profound knowledge in my field of expertise, with more than twenty years of experience, and still have people talking down to me and trying to explain things that I'm an expert at. I just let them talk. Talk about something you already know helps fix the knowledge in your brain and you never know when you can learn something new even on a subject you think you know everything about.
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I had a woman at a car service counter take in my car once. She was dressed nicely and clean so of course I assumed she only did paperwork.
I treated her like a human. Explained my car symptoms and where I think the problem is. (Car electric went nuts and lost power steering when i hit a puddle.)
Holy crap she knew her stuff. I mentioned it felt like the alternator wasnt performing right and undervolting, but since it's only when driving threw a puddle it had to be a component siezing and pulling on the accessory belt. She agreed that's a good place to start and ran through all the bits in that system as well as thier diagnostic steps planned.
I figured she knew about cars but it felt like she was a full on mechanic and was the manager dressed up.
Treating people with basic humanity should be the bare minimum, but sadly it's a foregone conclusion.
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Measles use your macrophages as a taxi to your lymph nodes so they can attack the immune system and the memory cells which are responsible for the immune reaction against everything you already encountered in your life - after an measles infection you count as immune suppressed for about an year, and people who caught the measles lose all or most immunities imparted by prior infection or vaccination. Studies have indicated that up to 90% of child mortality in 3rd world countries have a connection to a prior measles infection, even if the child survived the measles themselves. That makes the current measles outbreaks that started occurring in the last years pretty scary; in london there are only about 60-70% of all people vaccinated, which is not enough for a herd immunity that protects people who cannot get vaccinated.
I hope it was interesting! I love talking about such stuff, was sitting here with a smile while typing, thanks for listening
That's pretty crazy, didn't know much about measles. I'm appropriately terrified of what's to come with all these outbreaks...
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But Iām willing to bet most cases of āmansplainingā are some guy being an idiot and missing hints from the other party in the conversation, as well as just misjudging what is common knowledge and what isnāt.
If you're a man, who are you to invalidate the experiences of women like that?
If someone overuses the term and accuses someone of mansplaining when that's not what they're doing, by all means call it out. I've been unfairly accused of mansplaining before. But that had nothing to do with the word itself and everything to do with the person who said it. Not having access to that word wouldn't have made them more reasonable.
Meanwhile the word describes an experience that you have never had, and you're sitting here saying that most of the people who have had it actually haven't. That's kind of fucked up, dude. Take a step back.
The term literally is sexist because it implies it's only bad when men do it. These days it's used to describe any time a man explains anything. It's lost any meaning it may have had originally.
White knightism is sexism in its own right too, because it brings to the table the assumption that women are weaker and need protection, thus not equal to men,
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I don't know...my wife wifesplains things to me...assuming I'm a toddler and I'm not loading the dishwasher optimally; despite me knowing how to run computational fluid dynamics software and being aware of water flow optimiztion.
That must be really frustrating.
