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Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • aceshigh@lemmy.worldA [email protected]

    lol I can’t believe grown ass adults believe this shit. I’m surprised most people dont start questioning this after they learn about Santa clause.

    P This user is from outside of this forum
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    wrote last edited by
    #87

    I know... A while ago I was having a conversation with a Christian co-worker who was obviously working up to some kind of "witnessing" (as someone who grew up in an Evangelical Church, I know when it's coming).

    I told her that I know all about it, and I will never believe it. Before she could tell me I was angry at god, I told her that it isn't possible and it wouldn't make sense because it would be like "being mad at Santa Claus."

    I think she was seriously taken aback. Like it blew her mind haha

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    • M [email protected]

      That's what you believe. So do i.

      G This user is from outside of this forum
      G This user is from outside of this forum
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      wrote last edited by
      #88

      That's the logical conclusion based on neuroscience finding that souls don't exist.

      squirrelanna@lemmynsfw.comS 1 Reply Last reply
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      • B [email protected]

        Undercook, no heaven. Overcook, undercook.

        moseschrute@lemmy.worldM This user is from outside of this forum
        moseschrute@lemmy.worldM This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote last edited by
        #89

        Straight to hell

        1 Reply Last reply
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        • G [email protected]

          That's the logical conclusion based on neuroscience finding that souls don't exist.

          squirrelanna@lemmynsfw.comS This user is from outside of this forum
          squirrelanna@lemmynsfw.comS This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote last edited by
          #90

          Pardon, what? Not saying you're wrong but this sounds like something that can't be proved. I would love a source if you don't mind!

          G 1 Reply Last reply
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          • ssupii@sopuli.xyzS [email protected]
            This post did not contain any content.
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            wrote last edited by
            #91

            Short people will not go to heaven.

            Well, obviously. They can't reach.

            S 1 Reply Last reply
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            • kolanaki@pawb.socialK [email protected]

              If drinking alcohol prohibits you from going to heaven, all the church goers who practice communion are fucked.

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              L This user is from outside of this forum
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              wrote last edited by
              #92

              Well, it's supposed to transmogrify into (human) flesh and blood once it gets in your mouth.

              Alcohol might be a no-no, but cannibalism is apparently a-ok. 🤷‍♂️

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              • L [email protected]

                Short people will not go to heaven.

                Well, obviously. They can't reach.

                S This user is from outside of this forum
                S This user is from outside of this forum
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                wrote last edited by
                #93

                Short people got no reason to live

                W 1 Reply Last reply
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                • burgersc12@mander.xyzB [email protected]

                  Overcook chicken? Believe it or not, also no heaven

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                  wrote last edited by
                  #94

                  Did you ever pet a dog the wrong direction and make their hair all scrunchified? Also no heaven.

                  F 1 Reply Last reply
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                  • S [email protected]

                    Short people got no reason to live

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                    wrote last edited by
                    #95

                    For those missing the fairly obscure reference

                    B 1 Reply Last reply
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                    • squirrelanna@lemmynsfw.comS [email protected]

                      Pardon, what? Not saying you're wrong but this sounds like something that can't be proved. I would love a source if you don't mind!

                      G This user is from outside of this forum
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                      wrote last edited by
                      #96

                      Here is one example.

                      1 Reply Last reply
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                      • G [email protected]

                        Nobody will go to heaven because heaven is not real.

                        P This user is from outside of this forum
                        P This user is from outside of this forum
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                        wrote last edited by
                        #97

                        how can you tell someone anonymous online is an atheist?

                        they'll let you know

                        G 1 Reply Last reply
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                        • K [email protected]

                          But Epstein was on Santa's list.

                          P This user is from outside of this forum
                          P This user is from outside of this forum
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                          wrote last edited by
                          #98

                          well if anyone deserved a lump of coal

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                          • K [email protected]

                            When I got my first tattoo 30 years ago, my then mother-in-law said I'd be in prison soon enough. So far I've managed to be a good citizen (it seems following the law is easy), but I've got a plan for this to prove her right. When I'm about to go bye bye , I'm going to strip naked and run around on live TV, probably at a sporting event. That will at least get me arrested, and if I resist arrest and generally be annoying, I'm might go to prison to let the state pay for all the medical things associated with my demise. These tattoos are a bad influence. Hell awaits.

                            heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH This user is from outside of this forum
                            heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote last edited by
                            #99

                            my mom said i'd go to prison if i got an electric bike and she's right. the local prison has a bike shop as part of their programs and i bought my bike there

                            1 Reply Last reply
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                            • G [email protected]

                              Nobody will go to heaven because heaven is not real.

                              heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH This user is from outside of this forum
                              heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH This user is from outside of this forum
                              [email protected]
                              wrote last edited by
                              #100

                              heaven does too exist they sell pies in oregon. my wife wouldn't let me visit when we drove by last time but i was hungry

                              G 1 Reply Last reply
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                              • W [email protected]

                                For those missing the fairly obscure reference

                                B This user is from outside of this forum
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                                wrote last edited by
                                #101

                                Not OP, but I didn't realize it was obscure lol

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                                • M [email protected]

                                  Removed tattoos, just like lost limbs, will return when you enter Heaven.

                                  heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH This user is from outside of this forum
                                  heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH This user is from outside of this forum
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                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #102

                                  my wife is happier without her lost organs just like i'm happier without my lost ones. please no.

                                  1 Reply Last reply
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                                  • mojofrododojo@lemmy.worldM [email protected]

                                    it's gonna be interesting when AI's start fighting each other. Think religious wars are nasty? Wait until agentic AI starts driving automated trucks into 'enemy' data centers....

                                    heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH This user is from outside of this forum
                                    heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #103

                                    electricity usage'll go down

                                    mojofrododojo@lemmy.worldM 1 Reply Last reply
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                                    • Y [email protected]

                                      Someone said that hell probably really is the place to be. Heaven has mega rules to get in, and everyone else just crashes at Satan's place.

                                      The torture for the true sinners probably happens, but at the hands of the normal people who didnt make it to heaven. Be honest with yourself, would you pass up the opportunity to ram a hot poker up Hitlers arse?

                                      heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH This user is from outside of this forum
                                      heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH This user is from outside of this forum
                                      [email protected]
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #104

                                      i mean yeah. that's so gauche. i'm gonna dunk him in the bee tank

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                                      • M [email protected]

                                        Removed tattoos, just like lost limbs, will return when you enter Heaven.

                                        P This user is from outside of this forum
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                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #105

                                        Ah, so when entering heaven, I'll get mind back?

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                                        • B [email protected]

                                          I asked if we could go to hell without tattoos:

                                          heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH This user is from outside of this forum
                                          heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH This user is from outside of this forum
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                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #106

                                          in my belief system artwork is a gift and you should carefully adorn yourself. there's like two of us tho

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