Was I SA'd?
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So, I am a 21 year old male but when I was a kid about 8 maybe 9 l had this friend from church also male, who is a couple years younger than me. One day were sitting somewhere and he mentioned something about wanting to touch my butt, and he tried to grab it. And then I think I was playing with something and dropped it so I reached down to pick it up and he smacked me like four times rapidly. He seemed to find it amusing. I thought it was kind of weird for a bit but eventually I forgot about it and we remained cool friends. He hasn't acted that way since and this was over a decade ago. I know his grandma said he used to have a problem with seizures as a kid. He still goes to the church but not as often because he works now. Like I said, I hadn't even thought about it until like a month ago when I read an article about a celebrity who had been sexually abused as a kid. And it triggered me for some reason and has been kind of bothering me. I just wanted to know if this was an assault or just inappropriate childhood behavior.
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So, I am a 21 year old male but when I was a kid about 8 maybe 9 l had this friend from church also male, who is a couple years younger than me. One day were sitting somewhere and he mentioned something about wanting to touch my butt, and he tried to grab it. And then I think I was playing with something and dropped it so I reached down to pick it up and he smacked me like four times rapidly. He seemed to find it amusing. I thought it was kind of weird for a bit but eventually I forgot about it and we remained cool friends. He hasn't acted that way since and this was over a decade ago. I know his grandma said he used to have a problem with seizures as a kid. He still goes to the church but not as often because he works now. Like I said, I hadn't even thought about it until like a month ago when I read an article about a celebrity who had been sexually abused as a kid. And it triggered me for some reason and has been kind of bothering me. I just wanted to know if this was an assault or just inappropriate childhood behavior.
That doesn’t sound like SA to me, but it’s less how others feel about it and more about how you feel about it.
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That doesn’t sound like SA to me, but it’s less how others feel about it and more about how you feel about it.
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I have been kinda dealing with OCD lately so my mind has been messing with me about it. Is it possible I’m making it bigger than what it is?
If you’ve been diagnosed with ocd then you should talk about this situation with your dr.
I’m not your dr, but if it were me in your situation I would categorize the event you described as regular assault and not SA. Additionally since it never happened again it was probably just a kid trying to figure something out in their own head. Maybe they saw a show where something similar happened for example.
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I have been kinda dealing with OCD lately so my mind has been messing with me about it. Is it possible I’m making it bigger than what it is?
If you're worried about it still, it wasn't nothing. Might not have risen to the legal definitions of SA, but the law isn't a good yardstick for that. Might be worth talking more about to see how you really feel about it.
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If you’ve been diagnosed with ocd then you should talk about this situation with your dr.
I’m not your dr, but if it were me in your situation I would categorize the event you described as regular assault and not SA. Additionally since it never happened again it was probably just a kid trying to figure something out in their own head. Maybe they saw a show where something similar happened for example.
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Claiming you have ocd becsuse of a few peculiar personality traits vs actually having it is two very different things.
I recommend you talk to a person that can help you out. If you have ocd then there are ways to make everything easier.
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Claiming you have ocd becsuse of a few peculiar personality traits vs actually having it is two very different things.
I recommend you talk to a person that can help you out. If you have ocd then there are ways to make everything easier.
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So, I am a 21 year old male but when I was a kid about 8 maybe 9 l had this friend from church also male, who is a couple years younger than me. One day were sitting somewhere and he mentioned something about wanting to touch my butt, and he tried to grab it. And then I think I was playing with something and dropped it so I reached down to pick it up and he smacked me like four times rapidly. He seemed to find it amusing. I thought it was kind of weird for a bit but eventually I forgot about it and we remained cool friends. He hasn't acted that way since and this was over a decade ago. I know his grandma said he used to have a problem with seizures as a kid. He still goes to the church but not as often because he works now. Like I said, I hadn't even thought about it until like a month ago when I read an article about a celebrity who had been sexually abused as a kid. And it triggered me for some reason and has been kind of bothering me. I just wanted to know if this was an assault or just inappropriate childhood behavior.
Well, it reads as just silly kid stuff. Kids do dumb shit because they're kids.
The important part is whether or not it was traumatic to you, not whether it was sexual, or abuse, or sexual abuse.
It doesn't seem like it did. It seems more like it was just weird and that was that, and that you're looking back on it as something more than it was then. This isn't to minimize your experiences, it's just saying that your phrasing and the question itself point towards it not being traumatic at the time.
Was it inappropriate? Yeah, but it's very likely nothing bad was meant by it. Even if it was sexual on his end, that doesn't mean he was intentionally breaking consent in a conscious way, or that kids making mistakes like that is inherently a bad thing overall. Something can be inappropriate, but not wrong because if someone lacks the capacity to understand that it's wrong, it just isn't the same thing as when they do, and choose to perform a hurtful act.
Me? I think I'd just let it go and not worry about it if possible. If it isn't possible, then it might mean there's issues with it that need resolution with external help, so the attempt to do so kinda serves as a self diagnosis. If you're able to easily put it aside, then it wasn't traumatic (or not enough to matter).
It may help you to know that that kind of thing is super common. Over on reddit, there was a sub called morbid questions, and I couldn't begin to tell you how often people would ask what you're asking, with the same or similar circumstances. Kids get dumb ideas, and lack the inhibition to not act on it. Kids can engage in sexual abuse, yes, but there is a difference between that and just doing something rude like slapping an ass. It's about intent, extent, and situation.
It may also help to know that, even if your friend did intend it as a sexual act, and did so knowing that it wasn't acceptable behavior, that you aren't obligated to feel any specific way about it. You don't have to feel the same as someone else might; you don't have to be okay with it because someone else is, you don't have to be upset because someone else is. Your experience is yours.
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Well, it reads as just silly kid stuff. Kids do dumb shit because they're kids.
The important part is whether or not it was traumatic to you, not whether it was sexual, or abuse, or sexual abuse.
It doesn't seem like it did. It seems more like it was just weird and that was that, and that you're looking back on it as something more than it was then. This isn't to minimize your experiences, it's just saying that your phrasing and the question itself point towards it not being traumatic at the time.
Was it inappropriate? Yeah, but it's very likely nothing bad was meant by it. Even if it was sexual on his end, that doesn't mean he was intentionally breaking consent in a conscious way, or that kids making mistakes like that is inherently a bad thing overall. Something can be inappropriate, but not wrong because if someone lacks the capacity to understand that it's wrong, it just isn't the same thing as when they do, and choose to perform a hurtful act.
Me? I think I'd just let it go and not worry about it if possible. If it isn't possible, then it might mean there's issues with it that need resolution with external help, so the attempt to do so kinda serves as a self diagnosis. If you're able to easily put it aside, then it wasn't traumatic (or not enough to matter).
It may help you to know that that kind of thing is super common. Over on reddit, there was a sub called morbid questions, and I couldn't begin to tell you how often people would ask what you're asking, with the same or similar circumstances. Kids get dumb ideas, and lack the inhibition to not act on it. Kids can engage in sexual abuse, yes, but there is a difference between that and just doing something rude like slapping an ass. It's about intent, extent, and situation.
It may also help to know that, even if your friend did intend it as a sexual act, and did so knowing that it wasn't acceptable behavior, that you aren't obligated to feel any specific way about it. You don't have to feel the same as someone else might; you don't have to be okay with it because someone else is, you don't have to be upset because someone else is. Your experience is yours.
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I have been kinda dealing with OCD lately so my mind has been messing with me about it. Is it possible I’m making it bigger than what it is?
Is it not probably more concerning that whatever demons you're fighting is making you, a 21yo adult, go as back as 2011 to find random things to get bummed about?
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So, I am a 21 year old male but when I was a kid about 8 maybe 9 l had this friend from church also male, who is a couple years younger than me. One day were sitting somewhere and he mentioned something about wanting to touch my butt, and he tried to grab it. And then I think I was playing with something and dropped it so I reached down to pick it up and he smacked me like four times rapidly. He seemed to find it amusing. I thought it was kind of weird for a bit but eventually I forgot about it and we remained cool friends. He hasn't acted that way since and this was over a decade ago. I know his grandma said he used to have a problem with seizures as a kid. He still goes to the church but not as often because he works now. Like I said, I hadn't even thought about it until like a month ago when I read an article about a celebrity who had been sexually abused as a kid. And it triggered me for some reason and has been kind of bothering me. I just wanted to know if this was an assault or just inappropriate childhood behavior.
You should probably think about why that question matters for you. it is important for you to process whatever you need to. For example, it might be the case that separating your friends actions and intentions from your experience is helpful to you. It might be reasonable to say he didn't intend to and the actions weren't but your experience was. We experience what we believe and not "reality" and so if you believed it do be sa then you experience what you experienced. I don't know what you actually experienced, so please don't just take this. think about why you care and if you have the answer.
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So, I am a 21 year old male but when I was a kid about 8 maybe 9 l had this friend from church also male, who is a couple years younger than me. One day were sitting somewhere and he mentioned something about wanting to touch my butt, and he tried to grab it. And then I think I was playing with something and dropped it so I reached down to pick it up and he smacked me like four times rapidly. He seemed to find it amusing. I thought it was kind of weird for a bit but eventually I forgot about it and we remained cool friends. He hasn't acted that way since and this was over a decade ago. I know his grandma said he used to have a problem with seizures as a kid. He still goes to the church but not as often because he works now. Like I said, I hadn't even thought about it until like a month ago when I read an article about a celebrity who had been sexually abused as a kid. And it triggered me for some reason and has been kind of bothering me. I just wanted to know if this was an assault or just inappropriate childhood behavior.
I'm not going to answer your question directly - others have done that already.
I will say that, as an older man, my brain has thrown up random things from my childhood multiple time, so the same may happen for you. I'm no psychologist, and I'm also late-diagnosed autistic, but it seems that the brain can lock away memories from that period because it didn't know how to process them. Then, much later in life, it'll dig one up, dust it off, and put it at the forefront of your mind and say, "Go on then, you're all grown up and know so much now, what about this then?"
This has happened to me at times of trauma (like I didn't have enough to deal with at that time already - and may be the same for you with your OCD), but also at times of peace. I had a traumatic childhood which I won't go into, but it's provided a rich seam of suppressed and painful memories to randomly spit out and obsess over throughout my life.
I think my point in writing this is... Just to say that you're not alone in having random thoughts from your past take over, and that overall I don't think it means much that it's come back to mind.
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I have been kinda dealing with OCD lately so my mind has been messing with me about it. Is it possible I’m making it bigger than what it is?
With OCD it is best to acknowledge the thought and let it flow out unjudged, otherwise it takes power. What you described sounds pretty much like kid silliness. If it was an ongoing behaviour, then yeah maybe that kid liked touching peoples butts. Either way who knows right, and the "whys" don't matter, just that you are OK now.
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With OCD it is best to acknowledge the thought and let it flow out unjudged, otherwise it takes power. What you described sounds pretty much like kid silliness. If it was an ongoing behaviour, then yeah maybe that kid liked touching peoples butts. Either way who knows right, and the "whys" don't matter, just that you are OK now.
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