[NSFW] Any recovering porn addicts willing to share inspirational stories?
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I've pretty much hit rock bottom and come to the conclusion that I can't stay on my current trajectory. It's already cost me one, if not two, relationships, and I'm tired of dating on hard mode. I'm worried I might be too far gone, so it would be immensely helpful to hear from someone who's been in the same place and managed to turn things around.
I can manage a week or two with the power of self loathing but once the urges come back I'm really, and I mean really good at coming up with excuses.
Many people don't understand that porn is a super stimuli and our brains can be rewired to prefer it over normal sex. They will also argue it is propaganda to suggest such a thing - primarily because of the stigma around sex in a puritan society like ours.
I'm no saint here and don't have an easy button for you. All I can suggest is go as long as you can without porn, then masturbate to your imagination. The longest streak I've managed to avoid porn did this. It may not work for you, but its worth a try.
I realized I had similar issues you mentioned and found online communities that don't discriminate like rebootnation. Another good reminder that this can happen to anyone is the YouTube series by Terry fucking Crews: dirty little secret. If he had a problem with porn, anyone can.
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Yeah, I quit and relapsed and that brings us to present day. I can only really get off to femdom porn but the vast majority of femdom porn is gross and terrible. I love dominant women but I fucking hate the porn. I guess it wasn't all for nothing, I'm not as bad as I was. I'm not a no-fap idiot either. Masturbation is great! I think porn is fine as long as you don't fucking hate what you're watching, you practice self control, and It isn't replacing genuine human connection. Sadly, not an option for me, at least right now.
Yeah, I have nothing against masturbation, it's the porn that's the issue for me. I have no desire for sex and I struggle to find normal women attractive. Sex is such an essential part of romantic relationships that I have to work this out if I ever want to succeed in one. I'm not sure I can moderate it. I just have to try and quit it entirely and hopefully there comes a day that I don't even miss it.
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Sometimes 8 - 12 hours a day, multiple days in a row. I have no interest in sex at all and yes, that obviously affects my relationships as well as other duties.
Sorry to say, but I think you know already, but at this point it sounds like classic addiction behaviour. Similar to alcoholism, gambling, gaming addiction...
I suggest you look up resources on how to beat addiction in general. And don't forget, anyone can fall into a trap like this, you are not weak for having a relapse, you are strong for trying again.
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I've pretty much hit rock bottom and come to the conclusion that I can't stay on my current trajectory. It's already cost me one, if not two, relationships, and I'm tired of dating on hard mode. I'm worried I might be too far gone, so it would be immensely helpful to hear from someone who's been in the same place and managed to turn things around.
I can manage a week or two with the power of self loathing but once the urges come back I'm really, and I mean really good at coming up with excuses.
I second the opinions for therapy.
I've struggled with porn addiction in the past, and I would say I still have to police myself to some degree.
However, after getting some therapy, I'm a lot better about not letting it affect my sex life.
I watch porn, but try to prioritize productive activities that build my relationship. If I watch porn instead of doing that some days, I don't beat myself up over it. I just observe how it makes me feel, how it makes everyone around me feel (if I take too long getting ready in the morning, for instance).
I cannot stress enough how badly beating yourself up for relapsing keeps you in a negative cycle. It's really awesome that you've identified an area of your life that you'd like to improve, but you don't get there by focusing on what you don't like.
Also read into urge surfing! It's pretty simple. You just wait out your urges. It can be hard to do. But pretty much all urges follow the pattern of increasing in intensity until they reach a peak, then decreasing. So if you can wait through the peak of the urge, it will decrease.
My therapist specialized in addiction therapy, and they also gave me the advice to observe my feelings through every part of the day without judgement. So if you do beat up the bishop one day, try to stave off the shame and just observe. It really helps.
Instead of feeling bad for masturbating, I've noticed I get lethargic after I masturbate and that it can affect my perceptions of people depending on the content. This makes me want to forgo the activity much more than negative feelings. I'm aware of the actual consequences, I'm just not giving myself anxiety over it. This allows me to understand where I can fit the activity into the day if I choose to, as well as weigh the actual value and consequences of the action. And if the consequences aren't worth it after you've observed them, you'll have the knowledge and agency to shut down those urges and break free. Best of luck.
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I can't tell you anything uplifting but I found my father's extensive collection of all possible (legal) kinds of porn a few years back and it honestly scarred me a little. Like mostly not the fact that he watches it but the extremes he apparently takes it to. It was an absurd amount of disturbing material. Oh and some of it might have even been home-made. I didn't look too closely so I'm not entirely sure and I don't think I even want to know. I don't enjoy the thought of being raised by a sex freak. So if you have kids or plan on having them consider that this is what they might feel towards you one day if they ever find out.
Did it affect your relationship with him?
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Did it affect your relationship with him?
Yes it absolutely did to the point where I don't think I'd want to talk about women with him ever. We do speak but rarely and mostly about superficial stuff altough that's mostly for unrelated reasons. He's not a bad guy but still not exactly a good dad.
