The great millennial garbage gyre
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Ha!
As a middle aged man you think its great for us? You think all the hot, sane, independent women in their 30s and 40s are strugging for options? If you're on there theres a 80% chance that you're no catch either.
Last time my dude showed me a bunch of profiles it was easily 50% "applications to be a stepdad" and 25% women with a checklist (6 foot tall, good living, own house, etc.) Like 6 foot tall athletic lawyers who own their own home are having trouble meeting women.
Social media is raising expectations to unrealistic levels. As if Hollywood wasn't bad enough for past generations.
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If that happend, it triggered me so hard. Its like the insanest thing ever. Why are you even on bumble then.
Why are you expecting conversations to be otherworldly?
How many conversations in real life with people you like start with something akin to "hey"? I'm gunna bet most but I suppose I could be wrong.
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I wouldn't want to meet other Lemmy users in person, let alone date them.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Being a Lemmy person isn't a great point of connection but it would be nice to see how they interact with other users in other Lemmy communities.
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I just got so sick of using the apps and their crappy interface. I can never remember if left is good, or right is good. Who designed that was a good idea?
The interface literally tells you as you do it which is which...
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Yeah at first it is. The algorithm learns about you over time and it gets a little better with regular use. It still has a bit of a blind spot around nerd/geek culture.
Literally fuck algorithms. Anything that has one is dead to me, if at all possible.
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Literally fuck algorithms. Anything that has one is dead to me, if at all possible.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Yes, they literally are fuck algorithms.
Not a fan of how corporations make them work myself but understanding a little about them can make things like this a little less frustrating.
I would argue that the existence of an algorithm isn't inherently evil, they just ruin things when they're designed to maximize profit.
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That's not really how that works.
I’d love for you to be right. Please elaborate.
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OkCupid used to actually work rather well at finding compatible people who were actually honest about what they were looking for.
Then it got bigger, got acquired, and the matching model of the whole industry was intentionally modified to be more monetizable, and to keep giving matches that are close, but not close enough to be truely long term compatible.
You aren't using the app/website anymore if it works and gets you a successful long term match.
You are using the app for a longer time if you keep getting close but just missing the mark.
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Do people not think their dating app is tracking... how many matches and text exchanges they have?
How much time elapses between you matching, chatting, leaving... and then going back to swiping?
And then multidimensional matrix comparing that to every other definable variable about you?
Including whether or not you say you're looking for something long term, or serious... but you actually keep cycling through people?
These algos, these things... they know exactly to what extent you lie to yourself and others, and they weaponize that to keep people in a sort of optimal (for the app, not you), constant disappointment loop.
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Everything digital is now way beyond 'if its free, you are the product'.
The model is now entirely attention, addiction based, and manipulating your emotions in as close to real time as possible is absolutely integral to all this.
People forget that over a decade ago, Zuckerberg said his dream was to be able to predict with high accuracy what any given Facebook user would post next.
Nearly a decade ago, Netflix CEO or some such stated 'our primary competitor is sleep'.
People largely do not realize the extent to which these corpo fucks have been running highly precise and targeted manipulation of every aspect of human behavior... all to drive goddamn ad revenue and market share, ie, entrench themselves as institutions the modern world is no longer imaginable without.
I'm just confused as to how there isn't a dating app that is better.
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Given who runs "online", that's kind of worrying.
who runs
With these knees? I’m known to promenade gingerly online.
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In my 50s and I don't bother anymore. It's just not worth the hassle. In my 30s I would have had to send out 100 messages to get 1 date. It's so much worse in my 50s.
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Pretty sure Tinder shadow banned me for some reason. I saw the same people constantly.
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It's an especially insidious type of monopoly to me because it deals with relationships, they can manipulate millions of people, affecting the creation of their families and kids.
Surprised that the religious right haven't put them in their sites.
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In my 50s and I don't bother anymore. It's just not worth the hassle. In my 30s I would have had to send out 100 messages to get 1 date. It's so much worse in my 50s.
If I ended up single again at my age, I don't think I would try again. Not due to difficulty, but just apathy. Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt. I'm my own human now, doing my own stuff.
It would definitely suck to be single again, and I'd mourn what I lost, but there's more to life
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Here's the great part; you don't! (I am American and only going outside for vital activities anymore)
Same. And you can't meet women (according to women) at any of those vital places. The general consensus seems to be don't ask them out at the store, the gym, a restaurant, whether they're working there or customers, any hobbies where they just want to be able to live their lifr without being hit on etc. To add, the only things I actually do still leave the house for? Walking on trails where they'd rather run into a bear than a guy on his way to a secluded spot near the creek with a joint and a book, so that seems like a bad way to meet people too now, and where I may have once talked to fellow trail walkers now I just keep to myself there too. I could still go to a bar, but like, I don't want to, and the last few women I met were pretty bad alcoholics whereas I just drink a little bit sometimes. And even if a woman did approach me at one of those vital places or on the trail, I wouldn't act on the hints because I'm absolutely positive they're just being nice and they're not into me, without them directly stating their intent using clear language.
It's great!
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I’ve been curious if a government-run dating app could do better - if its goal is to achieve genuine engagement, not cycles of frustration that boost subscription rates.
This is one of many subjects where capitalist concern ruins the product (and that’s not even something I say as often as others on Lenny)
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In my 50s and I don't bother anymore. It's just not worth the hassle. In my 30s I would have had to send out 100 messages to get 1 date. It's so much worse in my 50s.
keep going, i heard hospice dates are going up in the last few years /s
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Sometimes the no kids thing, can be a huge red flag, a lot of the incel / women hating types put no kids. There's a lot of them out there and they're really extreme, you might be limiting your dating pool by wanting someone who doesn't have kids but then if you're into never having kids, that's a different thing, entirely.
wrote last edited by [email protected]I never wanted to have kids, so that makes me an incel? We've lost the plot here, that's fucking crazy, only women are allowed to be childfree now? And also I have heard if a guy likes children it's also a red flag? So I'm either a child molester or an incel? I'll take incel I guess, interesting "would you rather."
I think you might just be wrong on this one, it's entirely possible that men too don't feel like bringing a kid into *gestures vaguely at everything.*
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Ha!
As a middle aged man you think its great for us? You think all the hot, sane, independent women in their 30s and 40s are strugging for options? If you're on there theres a 80% chance that you're no catch either.
Last time my dude showed me a bunch of profiles it was easily 50% "applications to be a stepdad" and 25% women with a checklist (6 foot tall, good living, own house, etc.) Like 6 foot tall athletic lawyers who own their own home are having trouble meeting women.
You think all the hot, sane, independent women in their 30s and 40s are strugging for options?
You'd be surprised..... My wife is in a professional dance company full of single ladies ranging in age from 20s to late 30's. Most of them are on the struggle bus when it comes to finding a decent partner who isn't a lazy bum or a rampant misogynist.
Tbh most of the dudes in long term relationships with the dancers are just regular everyday dudes. Imo the bar is pretty low nowadays considering that like 1/3 of dudes have been brain poisoned by Joe Rogan/Jordan Peterson.
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You also had decent profiles where you could write more texts about you. That could give you an idea of who that person is. There is a difference between "Tea or Coffee? - Tea." and "Tea or Coffee? - I like green teas but also some black teas like assam. I sometimes bake scones to eat with the tea."
A lit of modern apps don't even give you the option to show your personality more.I met my husband on Plenty of Fish 7/8 years ago.
This baffles me, they don't let you type your own content to show your personality? How are you supposed to get a feel for someone then? -
38 year old man here: you're gonna be alone whether your dick's in a woman or not. If you want companionship get a golden retriever and if you want your dick serviced be advised the Japanese do some pretty interesting things with silicone rubber these days.
My husband is 38, we're eachothers best friend. Feeling alone even in company is a sign of depression, which we both have, and both have had, since we were children.
I'm glad to be there for him on his off days, and he's there for me in mine. That's what it's about no? He doesn't see me as a "dick servicer" though, so maybe that's the difference.
I'm sorry you so feel alone no matter what though, must be difficult getting through some days
