Middle Aged Folks with no social group: How do you do it?

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I'm 42 (TransFemme). I work from home. Have precisely zero close friends and not even any real surface level friends that don't live 4+ hours away. Acquaintances at best and none I can comfortably call upon when shit goes sideways. I have no family. They all have either passed or, like my original friend group, disowned me about a decade ago when I came out and transitioned. So no one to put on an "In case of emergency" contact form.

Work holds no meaning other than a paycheck. I don't really feel a desire to improve a billionaire's bank statement with my hard work.

It feels like I'm just going through the motions. Biding my time until the inevitable. I know I can't be the only one. Heck some of y'all may even be flourishing after similar situations. For me? Everyday feels more lonely than the last.

How do y'all do it?

(No this isn't an unalive myself cry for help. Yes I am in regular therapy. I just don't have any other avenue for asking such things besides publicly here and some other socials)

EDIT to add: I live in very rural US and unfortunately moving is not an option for me at this time or anytime soon.

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You need a hobby that forces you out of the house and interacting with new people. That's how you'll form new friendships and fill your time with things you enjoy.

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I don't know, cousin. Like my spouse and I are in the same situation: We've got each other but no other close friends. In our case because we got married younger and had kids younger than anyone else and they stopped hanging out with us.

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This is a big part of it. I'm 50, and still skateboard a couple times a week. Sure, they aren't close friends, but the people I hang out with at the parks give me all the personal interaction I need.

Granted, I am a bit of a hermit by nature.

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I’m essentially in the same boat as you but I’m in my mid-30s and in Los Angeles. I don’t connect with people here anymore (now that I’m done partying and doing drugs all the time like I was in my 20s). It’s rough.

I tend to take some programming courses online as well as a Mandarin course with a tutor in China. Lately I’ve been looking for good places to study.

I border on loneliness quite often but I legitimately don’t really care for most people so I live with it.

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Honestly, I’m just enjoying the solitude. I’m 54 and, after decades in Scientology, I was essentially driven out of my city when I left. I decided to move to Europe, and that’s where I am now.

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Volunteer work is also a good option.

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This is it OP, you need to get out of your comfort zone and mix it up with the people. Choose going to the gym instead of working out at home, choose reading at the cafe instead of at home, take classes, join groups, go to the farmers market, festivals, wherever

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Reading out is nice and all but it's purposely solitary and any considerate person will not approach you while reading. Interaction with other people should be the focus of the activity. Getting outside the comfort zone is the idea though.

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This right here. I met a lot of cool people after joining a couple groups related to my hobby.

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Tap your old networks, you would surprised that others are in the same boat as you and willing to chat.. Something online together.

Sure most will blow you off but you only need a few to respond in kind.

It is easier than making new friends. Society and age don't enable new friends ship formation as matter of policy

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I have a dog. she counts on me, and I count on her. all other humans are meh..whatever. I know I can't depend on anyone so I don't bother. I've stopped trying because it does nothing but upset me constantly, so I've just closed the doors and opened the windows a crack for some air but otherwise..I don't even bother with humanity.

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I wouldn't say it was unusual to have fewer friends as you age. Plenty of people seem happy spending time by themselves or with their partner.

That said, I've noticed in my 30s that some friends who've coupled up (some with new families tbf), are pulling out of more social plans or generally seeming less interested in hanging out. I think they are making a mistake there: friends are way easier to make in your 20s/30s and you need to tend to friendships to keep them alive.

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I’m married and share a lot of your feelings. Never really had friends, super introverted and anxiety runs my life sometimes. I’ve been struggling with mental health for over 3 decades and it can feel exhausting sometimes. Life feels like a roller coaster at times that I just want off of.

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I was in the same boat 8 or so years ago, when I first started transitioning, and what I did was find local groups for things I liked on Meetup.com and joined them. I also started attending conversions for things I liked too, if your area hosts any.

At a local anime convention, I met a gaming group which I liked and joined and would eventually meet my current partner in. I had also joined a local board gaming group which is where I met one of my closest friends who was also in a similar alone situation and we ended up bonding because of that and our shared interests.

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If there is volunteer work available to you and you are able bodied enough to participate then that is a great avenue for making friends with the side effect of improving your community. There is also political organizing but you mentioned you are very rural so this is probably unavailable to you. Being around others, not just to hangout, but to accomplish a shared goal is a great way to become friends without feeling out of place or forced. Hobbies that get you out of the house and require active participation between people are also great for this.

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I feel you.

I have a group chat with a few friends from high school, and we get together once or twice a year, but other than them, it's just my wife and I hanging out at home. We're both introverted and love being together, but we both get bored of doing the same stuff all the time.

We are also in a very rural location, so there aren't a lot of options to get out and do something, without it being a major ordeal.

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I am in your friends position… between a rough pregnancy and being overwhelmed with being a new parent, I dropped off the social radar for almost two full years. Reconnecting was a bit weird, but totally doable.

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This is a good suggestion. I'm 59 and like OP moved to a very rural area of the USA. Other than my wife, I had no social outlet at all. Meetup.com failed me though, because I'm in a profoundly rural area. There was literally nothing of interest to me within 50 miles on the site. On the other hand, my quest did lead me to a gaming lounge about 1/2 an hour from home and a group of people to get together and play RPGs and board games with.

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A few years ago I had a falling out with the people I once considered to be my closest friends. It fucked me up pretty bad, I'm still not over it.

But last year I started leaving the house again. I'd been playing Riichi Mahjong online for years, and one day I just had the bright idea to check if there was any kind of local club near me to play in-person. There was, should've looked into this sooner.

I've met some pretty cool people through this game, and I'm starting to put myself back together at least a little. I can't say my mental health is totally healed, but I'm a little better than where I used to be.

Whatever interests you have, look into any kinds of local hobby groups or activities you can get involved with.

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Middle Aged Folks with no social group: How do you do it?