Does my friend's response rub anyone else the wrong way?

[shimitar@downonthestreet.eu]

Feels fake somehow don't know why.

Anyway, respect everybody's boundaries and let people live. Maybe you have been a little bit too excited to all this thing and its you that is rushing your friends who don't want to hurt your feelings.

I have been to plenty of nudist places and we had our couple (never swing) sex there as well. But either BOTH are ok with it, or its just not nice at all to keep pushing, which is what you seems to be doing.

Maybe I am wrong, after all I am only a random dude on the 'net who doesn't know you except from what you write, and I haven't even checked your profile or past posts.

[flicker@lemmy.dbzer0.com]

Oh and I'm not not a nudist because of prude things. I run chilly so if I don't have clothes on, it's because I'm uncomfortably hot. Just a quick of my biology- I come in two settings, blankets and hoodies, or soaked in sweat.

I'm not anemic anymore either so

[extrasvhx9he@lemmy.today]

Gonna try to answer this as neutral as I can but frankly speaking when they said "I do" they made a pact to respect each other's wishes and to establish whatever boundaries they deem is necessary to keep both themselves and each other happy amongst other things. Although some outsiders might have different opinions on what's right or wrong that doesn't mean that it implies to what they consider is right or wrong. If the husband said they didn't feel comfortable and the partner is respecting their partners feelings, not being forced to, it doesn't give another person outside the right to say that they are in the wrong since its their relationship. Unless you think she's being physical, mentally abused or manipulated which judging from the story is a no.

[bcsven@lemmy.ca]

A good relationship is when you communicate a want / need to your partner and then it is in their court to say if they can fulfil that. Sometimes people have hangups and good partners respect those quirks.

[shapesandstuff@feddit.org]

Kinda sounds like you might feel at home in the polyamory community.

Lots of people who aren't "in it" don't have that sort of energy

I have a hard time imagining telling my wife that "I'm not comfortable" with her doing something she wants to do unless it is something outright dangerous.

Its just a matter of boundaries and agreements really. Most mono couples have an implied set of rules rather than customising their relationship experience by doing the work to define boundaries together. Very much a societal thing i think.

Whether or not you were planning on swinging, that option is now in Wills head and he's afraid Janet might participate.

In the end it's just jealousy, but most people struggle with that emotion some times, no matter their relationship type.

[orcrist@lemm.ee]

This sounds like a situation where the two of them chatted about what was best for the two of them and came to a reasonable decision.

[southsamurai@sh.itjust.works]

Nah, it's one of those things where I know everyone has their own way of managing relationship decisions.

It isn't abusive, it isn't an out of line way of responding, and it's a reasonable boundary for a monogamous marriage. It may or may not be a boundary that everyone has, but it isn't unreasonable.

Now, me? I'm fine with the concept. Me and my wife sometimes travel without each other, and with friends of the "opposite" sex. To us it wouldn't be an issue. If we didn't trust each other, we wouldn't be married.

I might or might not be comfortable with where the resort is though. Some places just aren't reliably safe for any tourist, much less a naked female tourist, though I doubt a reputable resort is going to be any more unsafe than any hotel in that regard. Those places tend to have decent security.

But, nah, no red flags here. Just a married couple making a decision together.

[azzu@lemm.ee]

It doesn't rub me the wrong way because it's incredibly understandable. People are generally jealous, people have hangups with trust, people want to feel powerful.

Whatever the guy's reason is exactly, he is essentially not fine with what his wife wants to do, and even if she is completely fine with not doing something to alleviate her husband's uncomfortableness, the need to do so in the first place is simply sad. It would just be optimal if everyone could do whatever they want at all times.

I make it a point to figure out my issues (why am I uncomfortable with something?) and if it makes sense to get rid of it, to get rid of it. It'd be nice if everyone did that but people are often just not in a mental place to be able to do that.

So in the end, I do very much understand what you mean, however I don't really get upset by this. It's incredibly common to "restrict" your partner like this, I mean, monogamy itself is already a restriction. So like you said, you should just let people do what they do, and be happy that it's not like that for you.

[dan1101@lemm.ee]

I think this is a married couple deciding not to walk through a relationship minefield together and it seems very reasonable. Yeah maybe he could be more open-minded but it is very nice of her to not rock the boat.

[brygphilomena@lemmy.world]

Will already told you that wasn't something he was interested in. Janet showed mild interest. She'd be up for it. But it wasn't something that's a priority for her.

So when you sent over the events and she talked to her husband about it. He could have easily expressed that he wasn't comfortable with his wife walking around naked or having her walk around with other naked people. She doesn't care about doing it enough that it's worth making her husband uncomfortable.

It's not about him telling her she can't. It's about each of them respecting each other enough not to do things that make each other uncomfortable. They are mature enough to have a conversation about things, express their emotions to each other, and value each other's feelings.

[5in1k@lemm.ee]

No, it’s normal for people to not want their wife to go off without them and be naked with people.

[wewbull@feddit.uk]

Nah. You're the dick on this one.

There's a line in every relationship where doing something outside the relationship is disrespectful.

Most will agree that sex with other people is over the line. You have sex with someone else and you've betrayed the relationship. Even in open relationships it's common to say "only if I know about it". That's rarely "the line" though. That will be something before sex. It might be keeping secrets, or meeting people in date-like scenarios, or getting naked with others.

If they've talked and decided between them that nudity with others when apart is over their line, that's their choice and you have to respect that.