Does divorce in middle age make sense?
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
If the feeling is mutual, I think there is no point in staying married. Maybe you can keep in touch, if you want to. Distance can sometimes change a relationship for the better. No need to cut her out of your life completely if you don't want to
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
Just divorce and move on. There’s no point in your marriage any longer. You have already divorced in a way that isn’t legally recognized.
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Yea if he's allowed other women on the side, he could have his cake and eat it.
Go out and date other people and try it out, see if that's what you're looking for, you don't have to jump into a divorce if it's not stopping you from going out and doing what you want.
If you don't want to live together anymore etc. then yea get a divorce
he could have his cake and eat it.
That's not how marriage works. She baiting him... and she will use it to smear him.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
Get out!
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Yeah divorce first then date others or expect to get destroyed in court
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
In my view, the choice is about whether you are better off with her or alone, including the financial implications of divorce.
While there may be "other fish in the sea", that is a poor basis for deciding whether a marriage is worth saving, and it will likely bite you in the divorce if it comes up.
Keep in mind that you will have to reconstruct your relationships with your family and friends along the way... which will likely be easier if at first you don't have a new partner.
Good luck!
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
The argument that you shouldn't get divorced as after a certain age is as absurd as the argument that an acrimonious couple should stay together "for the children" (when too often staying together just causes more trauma to the children).
There's no wrong age to divorce, because couples can drift apart at any time. And in fact, when they retire and end up spending more time together is often a point when the chances of divorce increase a lot.
The only caution I'll say is about finances. Make sure getting a divorce doesn't catastrophically screw up your finances. But if you can split from your wife and be able to live comfortably then it sounds like divorce is a good option for you.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
wrote last edited by [email protected]My friend, do what makes you happy -- especially so when not at the expense of someone else. Your family's input is somewhat irrelevant in this case. It only matters whether you think you'll feel more free thereafter.
Divorce is perfectly fine no matter what age you are. Rid yourself of these archaic religious tropes and you'll feel so liberated.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
I'd get a divorce.
It is natural that people change in their lives and it sounds like you two changed into very different people.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
Meaning no offense to any of the posters here, but these mostly feel like classic Ask Metafilter DTMF replies.
I hope OP finds a solution, but we are just internet people making guesses about a big life decision without enough context.
