How do you approach a group of people with romantic intent for only one?
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There is only one solution to this problem, and you are going to hate it: small talk.
When you approach a group of people, start by asking, "May I join you?" Then, tell someone you like something about their hat or you know something about the logo on their shirt. Do you know who's playing on the screen? How are they doing this season? I'm not a sports fan either. What are you drinking? Is that brewery around here? I heard they use twice the hops. A buncha bullshit like that. Doesn't matter. Be friendly and talk about bullshit. Call it being a tactical introvert if that makes you feel better.
If you don't know one of them, ask their name. Repeat it back to them. "Good to meet you, X". You might forget. That's fine or even good. Ask them again. They probably forgot yours too. I use this as an opportunity to make a joke "You forgot my name!" "You forgot mine too!" "At least I cared enough to ask!". People care that you try. Especially if they have a difficult to pronounce name or aren't from your country. Don't give up like everyone else.
Join whatever actual conversation they are having or ask what they are talking about. Listen. Drop a one liner. Make small contributions. When presented the opportunity, ask the person you are interested in a question related to, tangent to, or even better about their contribution to the conversation. It is at this point where conversations split naturally anyway. Switch seats or go somewhere else to keep talking 1 on 1.
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Are you hitting up on someone at a pub/bar? Just initiate conversation and focus on the person you want. You can exchange details with both and then follow up with your interest. And if you like both and A doesn't engage, you now have B too.
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Eh this feels manipulative and they might notice that. Feels like pick-up artist shit because you arent actually interested in the conversation or the other people and you're just faking it because your already established intention is to talk to one person specifically, for romantic/sexual reasons
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Nah. AFAIK pickup "artists" try to manipulate negatives like low self-esteem and jealousy. While some understanding of human psychology is helpful for those learning how to improve their social skills, this is barely even that. The comment is like the absolute basics of talking to strangers.
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Maybe for you, but I don't appreciate when people lead me on like that, especially intentionally.
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How would you suggest someone approach strangers? Not at all? Come right in and express physical attraction? Most people like to have some low-stakes interaction (small talk) to gauge the "vibes". Any party is free at any point to decline to continue.
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I believe in direct communication, as opposed to playing games. Maybe that's why I don't go to a lot of parties or bars etc. it's hard to talk when there's so much going on. I have a lot of sensitivity to sensory overwhelm so that doesn't help. I don't believe in "small talk" as you're using it here, I.e. to mean talking for the sake of talking and not about what you actually want to talk about. You're right that it's low stakes but it's basically a mini lie, and I also value vulnerability and emotional honesty very highly.
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It's good that you know what you desire and value. It might help you to understand that many (most?) people do not consider small talk to be dishonest in any way. Think of it like this: I see someone who sparks my interest and I want to get to know them better. Let's say I walk straight up to them and say "I saw you and you sparked my interest, and I'd like to get to know you better." OK, well what comes next? How do you get to know someone (total stranger) better? It's going to involve talking about random stuff until (hopefully) you both end up feeling comfortable with each other. The other thing is about that first part ("I saw you/wanna get to know you") is heavily implied by you walking over and saying hello.
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If there's a group of two and one is of interest then you should approach a bouncer and have the person of no interest removed.
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Let's say I walk straight up to them and say "I saw you and you sparked my interest, and I'd like to get to know you better."
Except that's not what we're talking about, this piece of advice specifically advises that you hide your intentions.
OK, well what comes next? How do you get to know someone (total stranger) better? It's going to involve talking about random stuff until (hopefully) you both end up feeling comfortable with each other.
I don't know about you but I don't talk about "random stuff", I talk about things that are important to me and that I actually want to talk about, because that will actually tell me if i feel comfortable with someone and I want to get to know them better.
The other thing is about that first part ("I saw you/wanna get to know you") is heavily implied by you walking over and saying hello.
Actually it's not, because in the situation we're actually talking about you're approaching a group of people and pretending to be interested in what they're talking about until you get "an in" with the person you're actually interested in. That's lying.
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You see it as lying. Most people do not. What you are interested in may seem "random" to the other person and vice versa. You have to start somewhere in order to find that common interest. As the main comment said, you can look for clues like maybe they're wearing the T-shirt of a band you also like. I agree that you should not be pretending or feigning interest. You should be trying to genuinely find areas of common interest.
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I do not claim to know what "most people" think and I don't believe that you have that knowledge either. If you would like to challenge that belief please come with receipts this time, instead of making broad generalizing statements that may seem true to you, when clearly you are biased (not that I'm not, but that's why I'm not saying shit about what "most people" think).
I agree that you should not be pretending or feigning interest. You should be trying to genuinely find areas of common interest.
How is that at all compatible with the original advice given, which in your own words is the "absolute basics" of approaching and talking to strangers? This is bad advice in my mind and you haven't said anything to the contrary that is convincing.
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OK. You are coming off as someone who wants to argue. Let's forget we ever encountered one another.
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What if they break the furniture, and furnish more weapons to take down their sole oppressor? Does the insurance cover that?
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I never said anything about romance. Read it again.
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Talk to all of them but at some point start to focus more attention on the one you like. Bonus points if you show interest based on something they said, not just how they look. Find a common interest or something.
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Read the title of the post
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This is the way.
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If something is broadly applicable doesn't that mean it can apply to several specific situations?
