my (18f) sister (13f) is convinced i don’t care about her.
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Try to so something somewhat special. Maybe somewhere quiet, then you can listen to her more easily, right?
Special is anything that you don't usually do.
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Pay attention to her "bids for connection". When she asks something, even if it is something simple, such as a request to look at a meme on the phone, try to accept the bid and do look at her meme.
Also, why not just ask her? "Hey sis, I see that you are unhappy with the way I treat you. I am sorry, I will try to do better. Can you tell me what it is that you want me to do more?"
Seems like she really likes you but she is not feeling love from you. She wants that.
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Kids want attention, whether it's negative or positive they want it.
Try to give her some undivided attention each day.
Tell her what you think about things but don't nag.
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Shes going through puberty. She's gonna be pretty looney for a while. Just buy her something nice, watch a movie with her she likes, give her a hug and be prepared for nothing to change because her hormones are driving her nuts.
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There was this really great podcast (whose name escapes me now) about a therapist who deals with serial killers, and some come from rich background and some come from poor backgrounds, and some were beaten by their carers and some weren't beaten at all. No particular trigger or remorse for why they did what they did, just a vague sense of curiosity
One thing a lot of them did have in common though is neglect. You could have a kid who is completely pampered from the moment they're born, but if they never receive any love or meaningful attention, any visible sign that they're not just a visitor in their own world, then that continual act of neglect is greater than any kind of physical abuse they might get.
So, um, yeah... your post just, uh, yeah. Yep.
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lol what a fucking stupid thing to say
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hahaha glad someone liked it
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While you're pop psyching over there ya might want to look up 'parentification'
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thank you so much
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I did, how does that apply here?
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I don't get the overstimulated. Do you have a particular condition?
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autism and my dissociation causes me to be unable to talk when im too stimulated
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your comment is heavily intimating that the 18 year old would be responsible if the 13 year old turned out to be damaged from neglect That duty does not fall on siblings. it falls on parents. By shifting that responsibility you are attempting to make the sibling the parent in this dynamic.
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Work on building capacity in yourself to engage. You may be less naturally skillful at interacting, but everyone can improve. You're not that much older than her either.
Be kind, open, and honest with her. Ask open ended questions. Make time. -
This is going to sound cold and impersonal, the opposite of what you want, but have you considered having a script to use when you are overstimulated. It could be as short as a catchphrase like saying "hell yeah sister" to everything she says or something more in depth. That way you have something to say even if you don't have something to say.
