Am I a bad person?

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I don’t usually ever talk about things like this, especially to strangers but….

I’m 21. And from like age 8-20 I had a problem with stealing. And it was not because I necessarily needed to but I would usually just take candy from stores. Only time I took something I actually needed were some batteries and a phone charger but nothing beyond just that. I also took money from my classmates lockers and I even once almost took someone’s iPod, but I was so afraid that I ended up giving it back the next day. But what’s even worse is the fact that I have taken some of my brother’s birthday/Christmas money that he keeps in a stash. Rough estimate at least $250. And yes I do feel horrible about it all. And I wish I could go back and time and have never done it to begin with. Fast forward to now I have successfully fought off the urge to shoplift because I know how bad it can be for your career if you get caught. I’m currently a full time college student so I don’t work. My dad gives me a certain amount of spending money every week to kind of help me with it. And no I haven’t told him because we do have a good relationship and he’s one of the closest people to me. And I have been putting a bit of it back in my brother’s stash as restitution. I appreciate any advice. Feel free to call me a pos as well.

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if you are really worried about it have a session with a mental health professional. Kleptomania is a type of OCD and can and should be treated

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I heard about kleptomania but I don’t have the desire to steal as much as I did when I was a kid.

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I mean, you already know it’s not a good thing, and you already know the “moral” reasons and the practical reasons why.

Colleges will often provide counseling, psychological, and psychiatric services for free or cheap. They’re not going to turn you in, they’re going to try to help you work past these urges that harm yourself & others.

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Obviously shitty, but you seem to understand that and are working to stop. Nobody was permanently or seriously harmed, and you're working on making reparations to the person that you harmed the most, even if they don't know it.

Sounds like you were a shitty kid that didn't know better, and that you've gained some forethought. Sucks that it mostly came from fear of consequences for yourself instead of empathy to others, but it also seems like you're on the right path.

It's okay to grow and to learn how to be a better person. Keep going. Seconding the other commenter that suggested therapy - even if not directly about this.

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Stealing as a compulsion is a psychological issue it's nothing to feel bad about as you have no control over it, just a) do the best you can to NOT do that and b) as a college student, you should have assistance available to you to help out. It might be worth talking to a counsellor about it or see of the school offers psych services.

Failing that, in the US, under Obamacare, you're covered under your parents health insurance until you turn 26, it would be worth seeing what services are available there.

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There isn’t anything inherently wrong with stealing if you need to, but in our society, you’ve done some things that are socially unacceptable. However, you can’t change the past so don’t worry about it. People do dumb shit when they’re young. You can only change your behavior to better yourself and your neighbors in the future. Be better tomorrow than you were today.

“What is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?”

Paarthurnax

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Feel free to call me a pos

this feels like a trap

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Doesn't hurt to talk to someone about it, maybe you've aged out of it, maybe it's slowly manifesting itself in a different way, there are professionals that can tell the difference.

Nobody is going to hold a young adult accountable for minor things they did as a child, especially not a psychiatrist. It's better to get checked when you have the awareness that something night not have been right, because when things are very wrong you won't have the desire to get checked.

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Seek a therapist. Some universities offer their students counseling for free if you can't afford it.

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There are no good and bad people. People are just people, with all the complexity that involves.

But if you feel this concern then it's probably a sign to talk to a mental health professional.

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Fundamentally, your question is “does it make me a bad person if I have done bad things?”, which is so complicated that people make entire philosophies and religions out of the answers to that, haha.

My view: you can be a good person who has done bad things, if you change your behavior and try to make amends. That doesn’t mean everyone has to accept or forgive you, but it’s a necessary part of being a good person.

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I would be careful with this. My university says it can use anything I say in counseling against me in a lawsuit.

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I get why you would feel like a bad person. You stole and that's easily considered wrong. Feeling bad about that is natural.

I think you are allowed room for mistakes. And if something is a habit it is good to be kind to yourself. Cleaning up a long held bad habit can take longer than we expect.

My advice is that sometimes we realize we want to live differently, and that's awesome. You obviously want to give back and be kind to people. You are also very young and impulse control is a bitch. It doesn't finish developing till late 20s.

You'll make more mistakes in the future. You'll realize you've hurt people and that's okay, that's life. Just keep adjusting and don't be too hard on yourself.

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Robin Hood is a thief.
You're not a bad person.
I get it. I have enough money and sometimes I have the urge to steal. It would be terrible to get caught because I have an exemplary function at work, to my children, in my surroundings...
You have to consider whether it's worth it.
The fact that you ask the question is a good thing.

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I appreciate this so much. You are very kind

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I used to steal a lot when I was a teen, mostly for the thrill. We grow and we mature and we change. It sounds like you're becoming a better person and also watching out for your future. That's commendable.

I agree with another user who suggested therapy. I've been in therapy most of my life (with some gaps) starting when I was the teen who was constantly getting arrested and causing trouble. It switched from a thing I was forced to do and became a thing that I do to help realize my goals in adulthood. Example: figured out why I was still angry about a thing from years ago and successfully put it behind me in a recent session.

Maybe you don't need to speak to someone. That's fine, too. Your brain is still developing. If you succeed in not stealing any more and you pay back your brother perhaps it's all fine. But again, I think there's value in understanding the compulsion if you still feel it but aren't acting on it.

You're not a shitty person. If you go back to stealing, you'll be something of a shitty person. But if it's a phase you've outgrown and you try to make it right, that's called being young and stupid. We all go through it to some degree in our own ways. Focus on your future and on being a good person each day. It's fine.

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I would be careful of talking to professionals under the current administration. Good people sometimes do bad things, bad people sometimes do good things. Under any other administration prior, I would have agreed with seeking professional help. Now not so much. But you can overcome this. It's not necessarily going to be easy, but you can.

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You gotta talk to a psych and get diagnosed

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You are a very good person, because you are reflective of your past, conscious of your actions, and have morals that gave you the guilt that you feel. You're alright little one.

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Am I a bad person?