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  3. She won’t talk to me, what do I do?

She won’t talk to me, what do I do?

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  • voytek709@lemmy.caV This user is from outside of this forum
    voytek709@lemmy.caV This user is from outside of this forum
    [email protected]
    wrote on last edited by
    #1

    So I (18NB) started dating this really nice girl (17F) who I’ve known at my school for a while.

    I told everyone I know about her, I like her, she likes me. However, I’m still not completely over Karl (even though he’s been kind of an ass TBH since he started being friends with his ex.)

    I told her if I couldn’t move on, I would have to break up with her and couldn’t go out with her if I had a crush on someone else.

    I’m aware I told her about all these things, like going to a restaurant, having fun at the arcade, kissing her, etc, but now I’m having second thoughts and I guess she’s upset.

    ricoperu@lemmy.blahaj.zoneR bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.deB zak@lemmy.worldZ S A 6 Replies Last reply
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    • voytek709@lemmy.caV [email protected]

      So I (18NB) started dating this really nice girl (17F) who I’ve known at my school for a while.

      I told everyone I know about her, I like her, she likes me. However, I’m still not completely over Karl (even though he’s been kind of an ass TBH since he started being friends with his ex.)

      I told her if I couldn’t move on, I would have to break up with her and couldn’t go out with her if I had a crush on someone else.

      I’m aware I told her about all these things, like going to a restaurant, having fun at the arcade, kissing her, etc, but now I’m having second thoughts and I guess she’s upset.

      ricoperu@lemmy.blahaj.zoneR This user is from outside of this forum
      ricoperu@lemmy.blahaj.zoneR This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote on last edited by
      #2

      oh shit… i’d say give her some time, she’s upset because you like someone else, i’d assume. also, i’d be upset too if my gf was romantic to me, then said she was breaking up because she liked someone else.

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      • voytek709@lemmy.caV [email protected]

        So I (18NB) started dating this really nice girl (17F) who I’ve known at my school for a while.

        I told everyone I know about her, I like her, she likes me. However, I’m still not completely over Karl (even though he’s been kind of an ass TBH since he started being friends with his ex.)

        I told her if I couldn’t move on, I would have to break up with her and couldn’t go out with her if I had a crush on someone else.

        I’m aware I told her about all these things, like going to a restaurant, having fun at the arcade, kissing her, etc, but now I’m having second thoughts and I guess she’s upset.

        bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.deB This user is from outside of this forum
        bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.deB This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote on last edited by
        #3

        Don't worry about still having feelings for your ex. That's normal. You used to like him after all. And even if your relationship did not work out he is still mostly the same person. But what you miss are his good parts and the good times you had with him.

        This is normal and nothing to worry about. Accept these feelings for what they are. Nothing is wrong with having them. It doesn't mean that you like your girlfriend any less.

        voytek709@lemmy.caV 1 Reply Last reply
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        • voytek709@lemmy.caV [email protected]

          So I (18NB) started dating this really nice girl (17F) who I’ve known at my school for a while.

          I told everyone I know about her, I like her, she likes me. However, I’m still not completely over Karl (even though he’s been kind of an ass TBH since he started being friends with his ex.)

          I told her if I couldn’t move on, I would have to break up with her and couldn’t go out with her if I had a crush on someone else.

          I’m aware I told her about all these things, like going to a restaurant, having fun at the arcade, kissing her, etc, but now I’m having second thoughts and I guess she’s upset.

          zak@lemmy.worldZ This user is from outside of this forum
          zak@lemmy.worldZ This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote on last edited by
          #4

          I'm seeing a little of what I'd describe as toxic monogamy in this question. That's not to imply a monogamous relationship isn't right for you; it's what most people want, so just statistically, it's probably what you and your girlfriend want.

          What I mean by toxic is that the belief that it's unacceptable to be friends with an ex or that you can't be in a relationship if your feelings for a former partner aren't completely gone can poison relationships. People are usually more complicated than that, and while both of those things sometimes lead to problems, they don't have to. Talking to your partner about their feelings surrounding the issue and agreeing on boundaries that are acceptable to both of you will prevent a lot of problems. That brings us to...

          she asked me about our relationship and I told her to stop talking about it

          I don't usually like to speak in absolutes when it comes to human interactions because different people are different. I'll make an exception here though. This was the wrong answer if you want to have a relationship with her.

          It's still the wrong answer, and that's where you left things. If you don't want it to end there, your best chance is to tell her you know that was a mistake, apologize, and offer to talk about your relationship as much as she wants to.

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          • bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.deB [email protected]

            Don't worry about still having feelings for your ex. That's normal. You used to like him after all. And even if your relationship did not work out he is still mostly the same person. But what you miss are his good parts and the good times you had with him.

            This is normal and nothing to worry about. Accept these feelings for what they are. Nothing is wrong with having them. It doesn't mean that you like your girlfriend any less.

            voytek709@lemmy.caV This user is from outside of this forum
            voytek709@lemmy.caV This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote on last edited by
            #5

            I forgot to say, Karl is a crush, not an ex. I liked him but he started being a jerk after befriending his ex who hates me

            bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.deB 1 Reply Last reply
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            • voytek709@lemmy.caV [email protected]

              So I (18NB) started dating this really nice girl (17F) who I’ve known at my school for a while.

              I told everyone I know about her, I like her, she likes me. However, I’m still not completely over Karl (even though he’s been kind of an ass TBH since he started being friends with his ex.)

              I told her if I couldn’t move on, I would have to break up with her and couldn’t go out with her if I had a crush on someone else.

              I’m aware I told her about all these things, like going to a restaurant, having fun at the arcade, kissing her, etc, but now I’m having second thoughts and I guess she’s upset.

              S This user is from outside of this forum
              S This user is from outside of this forum
              [email protected]
              wrote on last edited by
              #6

              Try to work on learning how to communicate effectively. I used to say the wrong thing a lot. I thought I was being open and honest, but really, I just put my foot in my mouth.

              There's no guidebook to do this well. You just learn by wanting to do it better and time allowing you to learn from your mistakes.

              I wish you the best!

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              • voytek709@lemmy.caV [email protected]

                So I (18NB) started dating this really nice girl (17F) who I’ve known at my school for a while.

                I told everyone I know about her, I like her, she likes me. However, I’m still not completely over Karl (even though he’s been kind of an ass TBH since he started being friends with his ex.)

                I told her if I couldn’t move on, I would have to break up with her and couldn’t go out with her if I had a crush on someone else.

                I’m aware I told her about all these things, like going to a restaurant, having fun at the arcade, kissing her, etc, but now I’m having second thoughts and I guess she’s upset.

                A This user is from outside of this forum
                A This user is from outside of this forum
                [email protected]
                wrote on last edited by
                #7

                Your conflicted feeling show that you started a new relationship before you were emotionally ready to, the best thing you can do is leave her alone 100% no romantic overtones at all. Until you get your head clear. It may take you months on months for that to happen,

                Otherwise you are about to damage someone. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to not be there.

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                • voytek709@lemmy.caV [email protected]

                  I forgot to say, Karl is a crush, not an ex. I liked him but he started being a jerk after befriending his ex who hates me

                  bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.deB This user is from outside of this forum
                  bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.deB This user is from outside of this forum
                  [email protected]
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #8

                  Everything I said still applies. Feelings are feelings. You cannot choose how you feel. What matters is if you act on them.

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                  • voytek709@lemmy.caV [email protected]

                    So I (18NB) started dating this really nice girl (17F) who I’ve known at my school for a while.

                    I told everyone I know about her, I like her, she likes me. However, I’m still not completely over Karl (even though he’s been kind of an ass TBH since he started being friends with his ex.)

                    I told her if I couldn’t move on, I would have to break up with her and couldn’t go out with her if I had a crush on someone else.

                    I’m aware I told her about all these things, like going to a restaurant, having fun at the arcade, kissing her, etc, but now I’m having second thoughts and I guess she’s upset.

                    ? Offline
                    ? Offline
                    Guest
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #9

                    wiem, że mówisz po polsku, więc powiem kilka rzeczy.

                    po pierwsze, czy karl jest dla ciebie odpowiedni? jest winni, jeśli jest dla ciebie niegrzeczny, nawet jeśli jego były miał na niego wpływ.

                    po drugie, absolutnie możesz się z nią umówić, ale nie używaj jej do przezwyciężenia swoich romantycznych uczuć do karla.

                    po trzecie, mam nadzieję, że wszystko pójdzie dobrze 🙂

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