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  3. Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • kolanaki@pawb.socialK [email protected]

    I wanna be my fursona.

    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
    [email protected]
    wrote last edited by
    #210

    You and your fursona are now one. Big hit in the furry community; everyone is visibly scared. You also have the dietary restrictions that your fursona has:

    1 Reply Last reply
    1
    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

      Granted, but all of your farts are now noticeably audible. You can no longer fart quietly:

      D This user is from outside of this forum
      D This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote last edited by
      #211

      You say butt hair, I say fart suppressor.

      1 Reply Last reply
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      • T [email protected]

        Could you dissapear all the facisim thats popping up everywhere? That would be super.

        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote last edited by [email protected]
        #212

        The fascism is now undetectable to the vast majority but still happening behind the scenes:

        1 Reply Last reply
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        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

          You astral project successfully, but the astral realm is filled with horrors beyond your comprehension. They note your presence...

          afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA This user is from outside of this forum
          afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote last edited by
          #213

          I wave my boney hand and say the keyphrase to activate the contingency combined miracle wish spell scroll, binding all outsiders in a kilometer radius; "Hiya, who wants to play Pathfinder? I call DM"

          1 Reply Last reply
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          • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

            Everyone can now shape-shift into a perfect copy of any other person that they've seen. Society collapses due to lack of trust. (You said everyone can "now" and "this has always been". Hence, rewriting history was a second wish.)

            ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
            ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote last edited by
            #214

            It looks like society may have healed after realizing we all wanted to be the same girl.

            1 Reply Last reply
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            • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

              The printers at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing run wild printing money; the Federal Reserve distributes the money across the country. Hyperinflation like the United States has never seen drives the prices of goods and services up 90%. The $100 tacos now cost $1000. You may still choose to purchase them, however:

              ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
              ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
              [email protected]
              wrote last edited by
              #215

              90% of $100 is $90. So the tacos are $190, or $1.90 each. Still a solid deal.

              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
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              • cilethesane@lemmy.caC [email protected]

                Could you spread all the empathy across everyone evenly, and then increase it by about 10%?

                ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                [email protected]
                wrote last edited by
                #216

                Realistically, this just means draining the 1-2 people with empathy (Jane Goodall and... that's probably it?) and spreading it across 8 billion people.

                cilethesane@lemmy.caC 1 Reply Last reply
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                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                  This post did not contain any content.
                  B This user is from outside of this forum
                  B This user is from outside of this forum
                  [email protected]
                  wrote last edited by
                  #217

                  Some spaghetti please!

                  T balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 2 Replies Last reply
                  1
                  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                    All the empathy in the world (+10%) is spread "evenly" to one person at a time, randomly, every minute of the day:

                    cilethesane@lemmy.caC This user is from outside of this forum
                    cilethesane@lemmy.caC This user is from outside of this forum
                    [email protected]
                    wrote last edited by
                    #218

                    I said spread, not share. One would not consider peanut butter spread on bread if you put it in one glob and then picked up and moved the glob somewhere else.

                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
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                    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                      This post did not contain any content.
                      M This user is from outside of this forum
                      M This user is from outside of this forum
                      [email protected]
                      wrote last edited by
                      #219

                      I want my mortgage to be paid off.

                      T balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 2 Replies Last reply
                      1
                      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                        This post did not contain any content.
                        C This user is from outside of this forum
                        C This user is from outside of this forum
                        [email protected]
                        wrote last edited by
                        #220

                        How about world peace?

                        T A balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 3 Replies Last reply
                        1
                        • C [email protected]

                          How about world peace?

                          T This user is from outside of this forum
                          T This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote last edited by
                          #221

                          How about we avoid things that target all people without any conditions about how the goal is achieved.

                          C 1 Reply Last reply
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                          • M [email protected]

                            I want my mortgage to be paid off.

                            T This user is from outside of this forum
                            T This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote last edited by
                            #222

                            You've been filed under Chapter 7 bankruptcy.

                            M 1 Reply Last reply
                            2
                            • B [email protected]

                              Some spaghetti please!

                              T This user is from outside of this forum
                              T This user is from outside of this forum
                              [email protected]
                              wrote last edited by
                              #223

                              On the internet, no one will know you've been turned into spaghetti.

                              1 Reply Last reply
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                              • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                                This post did not contain any content.
                                Q This user is from outside of this forum
                                Q This user is from outside of this forum
                                [email protected]
                                wrote last edited by
                                #224

                                Okay, let's try this.

                                Every single human being, gradually, develops empathy and awareness to how their choices affects themselves and others.

                                This is to happen over a period of a year and will not lead people to despair but to understand the poor choices they have made throughout their lives and lead them to live better lives, with no malice arbored towards others and themselves.

                                This effect will include the granter of this wish.

                                T balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 2 Replies Last reply
                                5
                                • Q [email protected]

                                  Okay, let's try this.

                                  Every single human being, gradually, develops empathy and awareness to how their choices affects themselves and others.

                                  This is to happen over a period of a year and will not lead people to despair but to understand the poor choices they have made throughout their lives and lead them to live better lives, with no malice arbored towards others and themselves.

                                  This effect will include the granter of this wish.

                                  T This user is from outside of this forum
                                  T This user is from outside of this forum
                                  [email protected]
                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #225

                                  Ok, but only for a year and not for you.

                                  Q 1 Reply Last reply
                                  2
                                  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                    Everyone can now shape-shift into a perfect copy of any other person that they've seen. Society collapses due to lack of trust. (You said everyone can "now" and "this has always been". Hence, rewriting history was a second wish.)

                                    lime@feddit.nuL This user is from outside of this forum
                                    lime@feddit.nuL This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #226

                                    ah beans

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                                      This post did not contain any content.
                                      moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.comM This user is from outside of this forum
                                      moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.comM This user is from outside of this forum
                                      [email protected]
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #227

                                      hell yeah get me some munchies man

                                      T balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 2 Replies Last reply
                                      0
                                      • moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.comM [email protected]

                                        hell yeah get me some munchies man

                                        T This user is from outside of this forum
                                        T This user is from outside of this forum
                                        [email protected]
                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #228

                                        Granted.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                                          This post did not contain any content.
                                          G This user is from outside of this forum
                                          G This user is from outside of this forum
                                          [email protected]
                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #229

                                          a couple hugs

                                          T balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 2 Replies Last reply
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