Skip to content
  • Categories
  • Recent
  • Tags
  • Popular
  • World
  • Users
  • Groups
Skins
  • Light
  • Cerulean
  • Cosmo
  • Flatly
  • Journal
  • Litera
  • Lumen
  • Lux
  • Materia
  • Minty
  • Morph
  • Pulse
  • Sandstone
  • Simplex
  • Sketchy
  • Spacelab
  • United
  • Yeti
  • Zephyr
  • Dark
  • Cyborg
  • Darkly
  • Quartz
  • Slate
  • Solar
  • Superhero
  • Vapor

  • Default (No Skin)
  • No Skin
Collapse
Brand Logo

agnos.is Forums

  1. Home
  2. Lemmy Shitpost
  3. Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
312 Posts 117 Posters 0 Views
  • Oldest to Newest
  • Newest to Oldest
  • Most Votes
Reply
  • Reply as topic
Log in to reply
This topic has been deleted. Only users with topic management privileges can see it.
  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

    There's always an altruist. Okay, all harmful wishes before this request are hereby revoked! It's like it never happened, except you don't get to wish again:

    • @[email protected] -- Zuckerburg never got diarrhea. But his face still looks like that.

    • @[email protected] - Capitalism never fell and society never collapsed.

    • @[email protected] - Never got stuck in a time loop.

    • @[email protected] - Utopia never lead to human galactic dominance.

    • @[email protected] - The new socialist president was never assassinated.

    • @[email protected] - The dragon "Wyvern of Mordiford" never existed and didn't eat humans.

    • @[email protected] - Never became a millionaire and never got non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

    • @[email protected] - Never got jetpacks. No children were harmed.

    • @[email protected] - The advance A.I. "V.I.K.I." was never developed. Digital slop abounds.

    • @[email protected] - The Earth never collided with the Sun at nearly the speed of light.

    • @[email protected] - Never lost ten years of memory. But does remember the bad dinner.

    • @[email protected] - Increased empathy never led to fascism.

    • @[email protected] - A man named Donald John Trump was born.

    • @[email protected] -- You are no longer uncontrollably perennially happy.

    • @[email protected] -- Popcorn shrimp did not rain from the sky and collapse the ecosystem.

    • @[email protected] -- Dual memories of past and future never harmed you. The memories are gone.

    umbrella@lemmy.mlU This user is from outside of this forum
    umbrella@lemmy.mlU This user is from outside of this forum
    [email protected]
    wrote last edited by [email protected]
    #177

    .

    1 Reply Last reply
    0
    • orenj@lemmy.sdf.orgO [email protected]

      Can you transmute my body to be a self sustaining nonsenescent machine? thanks

      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote last edited by
      #178

      Your new eyes open. Data fills your processing units and fills your SSD. You live 100 years as an android before the death of everyone you know and your reality as a cold calculating machine begins to drive you mad....

      orenj@lemmy.sdf.orgO 1 Reply Last reply
      0
      • gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.deG [email protected]

        i'd want my mother back, please

        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote last edited by
        #179

        Suddenly, you hear crying at your door. You open the door, look down, and there in a wicker basket is a baby: it's your mother. You have your mother back as an infant and you may now raise her:

        gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.deG 1 Reply Last reply
        0
        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

          Sure, you are now the owner (of a copy) of the "Rex Nihilio" album from Massachusetts death metal/deathcore band "Obliviation".

          https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Obliviation/3540463485

          insomniac_lemon@lemmy.cafeI This user is from outside of this forum
          insomniac_lemon@lemmy.cafeI This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote last edited by [email protected]
          #180

          Ohhh what sad times are these when passing ruffians wizards can corrupt even the most mundane and reasonable wishes. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who tire of this mortal coil are under considerable physical, mental, and socioeconomic stress at this period in history.

          1 Reply Last reply
          0
          • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

            Done. 152 Visual Phenomena & Optical Illusions with explanations by Michael Bach: https://michaelbach.de/ot/

            M This user is from outside of this forum
            M This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote last edited by
            #181

            Neat, thank you!

            1 Reply Last reply
            0
            • cilethesane@lemmy.caC [email protected]

              Could you spread all the empathy across everyone evenly, and then increase it by about 10%?

              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
              [email protected]
              wrote last edited by
              #182

              All the empathy in the world (+10%) is spread "evenly" to one person at a time, randomly, every minute of the day:

              cilethesane@lemmy.caC 1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • basxto@discuss.tchncs.deB [email protected]

                Yes, mybody wants anything. Though the community says anything goes, so I’m not sure how long I’ll have it 🤔

                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                [email protected]
                wrote last edited by
                #183

                How about a pineapple pizza? It's yours:

                1 Reply Last reply
                1
                • W [email protected]

                  Fair. I would argue that "many people going insane" would be covered under the sacrifice clause, but hey, this seems like the best of all possible outcomes from mucking about with reality.

                  balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                  balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                  [email protected]
                  wrote last edited by [email protected]
                  #184

                  Definitely the most specified request in the thread. You earned it.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                    There's always an altruist. Okay, all harmful wishes before this request are hereby revoked! It's like it never happened, except you don't get to wish again:

                    • @[email protected] -- Zuckerburg never got diarrhea. But his face still looks like that.

                    • @[email protected] - Capitalism never fell and society never collapsed.

                    • @[email protected] - Never got stuck in a time loop.

                    • @[email protected] - Utopia never lead to human galactic dominance.

                    • @[email protected] - The new socialist president was never assassinated.

                    • @[email protected] - The dragon "Wyvern of Mordiford" never existed and didn't eat humans.

                    • @[email protected] - Never became a millionaire and never got non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

                    • @[email protected] - Never got jetpacks. No children were harmed.

                    • @[email protected] - The advance A.I. "V.I.K.I." was never developed. Digital slop abounds.

                    • @[email protected] - The Earth never collided with the Sun at nearly the speed of light.

                    • @[email protected] - Never lost ten years of memory. But does remember the bad dinner.

                    • @[email protected] - Increased empathy never led to fascism.

                    • @[email protected] - A man named Donald John Trump was born.

                    • @[email protected] -- You are no longer uncontrollably perennially happy.

                    • @[email protected] -- Popcorn shrimp did not rain from the sky and collapse the ecosystem.

                    • @[email protected] -- Dual memories of past and future never harmed you. The memories are gone.

                    I This user is from outside of this forum
                    I This user is from outside of this forum
                    [email protected]
                    wrote last edited by
                    #185

                    I believe the kids say "absolute win"
                    I'm quite old you see

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    0
                    • E [email protected]

                      A sandwich

                      insomniac_lemon@lemmy.cafeI This user is from outside of this forum
                      insomniac_lemon@lemmy.cafeI This user is from outside of this forum
                      [email protected]
                      wrote last edited by [email protected]
                      #186

                      I am neither wizard nor sandwich-assembler for this, but hopefully you enjoy this ham sandwich.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      • drunkanroot@sh.itjust.worksD [email protected]

                        2 kittens

                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                        [email protected]
                        wrote last edited by
                        #187

                        Eight people are now standing in your living room; it's two pairs of the alternative rock band "Kitten". Looking at their other selves, they start panicking:

                        R drunkanroot@sh.itjust.worksD 2 Replies Last reply
                        0
                        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                          This post did not contain any content.
                          kolanaki@pawb.socialK This user is from outside of this forum
                          kolanaki@pawb.socialK This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote last edited by
                          #188

                          I wanna be my fursona.

                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                          2
                          • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                            This post did not contain any content.
                            T This user is from outside of this forum
                            T This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote last edited by
                            #189

                            Could you dissapear all the facisim thats popping up everywhere? That would be super.

                            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                            3
                            • X [email protected]

                              Can you clear both my nasal passages so I can breath through them simultaneously?

                              T This user is from outside of this forum
                              T This user is from outside of this forum
                              [email protected]
                              wrote last edited by
                              #190

                              I dont think there is a wizard that powerful.

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • X [email protected]

                                Can you clear both my nasal passages so I can breath through them simultaneously?

                                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                [email protected]
                                wrote last edited by
                                #191

                                Sure. You now have an extra nose on the side of your face. The nasal passages are clear.

                                B 1 Reply Last reply
                                0
                                • goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG [email protected]

                                  For myself, can't think of much, just a good coffee. I never mastered the art of arabica-dabra. See you at the next wizard summit.

                                  balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                  balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                  [email protected]
                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #192

                                  There, in front of you, a good coffee. It's really good. It's the best damn thing you've ever tasted. Desperately, you lick the last drop; the memory of this coffee makes everything else taste dull in comparison. It's something like having trouble seeing after exposure to bright light:

                                  goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG 1 Reply Last reply
                                  1
                                  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                    There's always an altruist. Okay, all harmful wishes before this request are hereby revoked! It's like it never happened, except you don't get to wish again:

                                    • @[email protected] -- Zuckerburg never got diarrhea. But his face still looks like that.

                                    • @[email protected] - Capitalism never fell and society never collapsed.

                                    • @[email protected] - Never got stuck in a time loop.

                                    • @[email protected] - Utopia never lead to human galactic dominance.

                                    • @[email protected] - The new socialist president was never assassinated.

                                    • @[email protected] - The dragon "Wyvern of Mordiford" never existed and didn't eat humans.

                                    • @[email protected] - Never became a millionaire and never got non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

                                    • @[email protected] - Never got jetpacks. No children were harmed.

                                    • @[email protected] - The advance A.I. "V.I.K.I." was never developed. Digital slop abounds.

                                    • @[email protected] - The Earth never collided with the Sun at nearly the speed of light.

                                    • @[email protected] - Never lost ten years of memory. But does remember the bad dinner.

                                    • @[email protected] - Increased empathy never led to fascism.

                                    • @[email protected] - A man named Donald John Trump was born.

                                    • @[email protected] -- You are no longer uncontrollably perennially happy.

                                    • @[email protected] -- Popcorn shrimp did not rain from the sky and collapse the ecosystem.

                                    • @[email protected] -- Dual memories of past and future never harmed you. The memories are gone.

                                    jimmux@programming.devJ This user is from outside of this forum
                                    jimmux@programming.devJ This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote last edited by [email protected]
                                    #193

                                    But what if the kids who use jetpacks without helmets go on to cause more net harm? You know they would.

                                    So technically, wishing to cancel all wishes that cause any harm can cause more harm, and thus the wish cancels itself.

                                    S 1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • lime@feddit.nuL [email protected]

                                      everyone can now shape-shift at will. this has always been the case.

                                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                      [email protected]
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #194

                                      Everyone can now shape-shift into a perfect copy of any other person that they've seen. Society collapses due to lack of trust. (You said everyone can "now" and "this has always been". Hence, rewriting history was a second wish.)

                                      ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI lime@feddit.nuL B flying_sheep@lemmy.mlF 4 Replies Last reply
                                      0
                                      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                        There's always an altruist. Okay, all harmful wishes before this request are hereby revoked! It's like it never happened, except you don't get to wish again:

                                        • @[email protected] -- Zuckerburg never got diarrhea. But his face still looks like that.

                                        • @[email protected] - Capitalism never fell and society never collapsed.

                                        • @[email protected] - Never got stuck in a time loop.

                                        • @[email protected] - Utopia never lead to human galactic dominance.

                                        • @[email protected] - The new socialist president was never assassinated.

                                        • @[email protected] - The dragon "Wyvern of Mordiford" never existed and didn't eat humans.

                                        • @[email protected] - Never became a millionaire and never got non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

                                        • @[email protected] - Never got jetpacks. No children were harmed.

                                        • @[email protected] - The advance A.I. "V.I.K.I." was never developed. Digital slop abounds.

                                        • @[email protected] - The Earth never collided with the Sun at nearly the speed of light.

                                        • @[email protected] - Never lost ten years of memory. But does remember the bad dinner.

                                        • @[email protected] - Increased empathy never led to fascism.

                                        • @[email protected] - A man named Donald John Trump was born.

                                        • @[email protected] -- You are no longer uncontrollably perennially happy.

                                        • @[email protected] -- Popcorn shrimp did not rain from the sky and collapse the ecosystem.

                                        • @[email protected] -- Dual memories of past and future never harmed you. The memories are gone.

                                        R This user is from outside of this forum
                                        R This user is from outside of this forum
                                        [email protected]
                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #195

                                        W socialism

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • G [email protected]

                                          disappear the orange orc.

                                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                          [email protected]
                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #196

                                          There is an orange orc on the loose: I have made him invisible.

                                          1 Reply Last reply
                                          1
                                          Reply
                                          • Reply as topic
                                          Log in to reply
                                          • Oldest to Newest
                                          • Newest to Oldest
                                          • Most Votes


                                          • Login

                                          • Login or register to search.
                                          • First post
                                            Last post
                                          0
                                          • Categories
                                          • Recent
                                          • Tags
                                          • Popular
                                          • World
                                          • Users
                                          • Groups