Anon is rude at work
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I never trust the 'spends lunch break in car' types. First one I ran into was listening to Rush Deadbaugh and the second was talking to god or something.
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Only those who have nothing else in their lives but work find this unfriendly. Work is not an event that I attend voluntarily, but to earn a living. I am polite, nice and helpful to my colleagues in everything that revolves around work. Anything beyond that is not a matter of course and should not be taken for granted.
A lot of that is going to be job specific. If you isolate yourself, you could run into various problems. First, you probably won't be communicating with union members, and those members might be the kind of people who can help you if the bosses try to fuck you over. Second, sometimes work is stressful, and you might want support from people who technically have no duty to help you. If you treat them decently on a somewhat regular basis, they might make time for you even if they don't need to. This also connects with your friends. It depends on your relationships of course, but some friends don't want to hear about work complaints. If that's the bulk of your friends, then you might want coworkers who are willing to listen to work complaints.
And it's all nice and fine to say that you only attend work to earn a living, but the reality is you could have worked at a dozen places, and you chose a specific one. No one's forcing you to be there. You could have gotten a job at 7-Eleven or Walmart, but you didn't. You're there of your own volition.
I don't think anyone takes for granted halfway decent co-workers. We've all worked with total jerks, and people often have natural reasons to act like total jerks from time to time. If you're one of them, that's okay, you do you.
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I feel like if you are friendly with your co-workers it makes the days go by faster.
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Someone on linkedin made that meme.
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If we try to talk to coworkers we are told to get back to work, but then I'm expected to show up to extra events and get drunk with people I usually am not even allowed to talk to? No thanks, why are they surprised by this?
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I don't mind grabbing a beer with coworkers after work, but that's it. In work I'd rather have my mind somewhere else.
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When you’re trying to be friendly with a coworker and they say “we’re coworkers not friends” that’s pretty fucking rude IMO. The other ones though never bothered me.
Yeah, had one of those interactions, it felt horrible and that person exploded from me saying hi and some generic routine like how are you.
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This post did not contain any content.wrote last edited by [email protected]
Any company culture that expects you to be friends with your coworkers is a dumpster fire. Run quickly.
I've worked in my current office for two years and don't know the first thing about any of my coworkers beyond their name and specialization. No clue if they're married or have kids, or what they do on the weekend. We never chit-chat. I am infinitely happier here than anywhere I've worked in the past.
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A lot of that is going to be job specific. If you isolate yourself, you could run into various problems. First, you probably won't be communicating with union members, and those members might be the kind of people who can help you if the bosses try to fuck you over. Second, sometimes work is stressful, and you might want support from people who technically have no duty to help you. If you treat them decently on a somewhat regular basis, they might make time for you even if they don't need to. This also connects with your friends. It depends on your relationships of course, but some friends don't want to hear about work complaints. If that's the bulk of your friends, then you might want coworkers who are willing to listen to work complaints.
And it's all nice and fine to say that you only attend work to earn a living, but the reality is you could have worked at a dozen places, and you chose a specific one. No one's forcing you to be there. You could have gotten a job at 7-Eleven or Walmart, but you didn't. You're there of your own volition.
I don't think anyone takes for granted halfway decent co-workers. We've all worked with total jerks, and people often have natural reasons to act like total jerks from time to time. If you're one of them, that's okay, you do you.
I've been ripped off enough by companies to only do exactly what I'm paid to do. That doesn't mean that I'm not willing to help colleagues who have questions while I'm just about to disappear into the evening. It also doesn't mean that I can't talk to my colleagues about work-related issues, such as annoyances or anything else. As I said, I'm polite, friendly and helpful as long as it's work-related. And I don't do it because I hope to gain some kind of advantage from it, but because I want to be treated that way myself.
The fact that nobody is forcing me to work at a specific job is true, but it misses the general point of the thread (and indeed of what I said). The fact is that people are people and therefore pretty much the same or at least similar everywhere - that's the case in my line of work. And I have experienced countless times that colleagues are only too happy to share all the details of the past weekend with you, from family outings to binge drinking to adultery, but they don't give a shit whether you had a good weekend yourself and dont even ask back.
Most of them are not able to communicate at eye level at the absolute minimum and just constantly present themselves and expect some kind of recognition or admiration in return. And I'm supposed to share private things with people like that? For what? So that they can work with me more professionally? Or maybe just to make them feel better about themselves? I don't care about that crap, let's stick to what we came to work for. That's called professionalism.
Apart from that, it's a mystery to me why you only consider colleagues to be halfway decent if they want to share private things with you. Maybe you should reconsider your expectations. -
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I've found few people I'd call friends at jobs. Most people who tried to be "friendly" with me were social climbing shitheads working an angle or emotionally-stunted people trying to recruit me into their petty shop floor dramas.
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I never trust the 'spends lunch break in car' types. First one I ran into was listening to Rush Deadbaugh and the second was talking to god or something.
I'm one of those people. I wouldn't be caught dead listening to Rush Limbaugh or his ilk though, and I'm also not talking to god. I'm just recharging my social battery.
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Any company culture that expects you to be friends with your coworkers is a dumpster fire. Run quickly.
I've worked in my current office for two years and don't know the first thing about any of my coworkers beyond their name and specialization. No clue if they're married or have kids, or what they do on the weekend. We never chit-chat. I am infinitely happier here than anywhere I've worked in the past.
Looks like someone's got a case of the Mondays! /j
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Hey, so what's your views on religion, politics, and class dividions???
eats popcorn and glares as you answer
Proceed to shoot off incoherent insults when they're different.
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I fully agree with most of what you’re saying. But I also have many close friends who started out as coworkers, but we found out we’re enjoying each other’s company.
Hell I’m crashing on a former colleague’s (and former boss’s even) couch right now, and another colleague in the same city offered theirs. Another ex coworker is my deepest confidant in just about any topic.
It’s a bit tricky to find out which people are worth deepening the relationship with, and how to cordially avoid the others. But that’s just like everywhere else tbh.
Edit: I wanna add it’s perfectly fine to keep your distance to people from work, as long as you’re not being an asshole. I know I would have missed out on great seemingly lifetime friendships with that attitude and I don’t recommend not joining this seemingly cool person for a drink after work for the sole reason that you work together.
wrote last edited by [email protected]I'm torn, most of the time I'd agree and I do befriend co-workers myself most of the time. But I do kind of resent the fact that often people at work often come to dislike you if you aren't spending time with them during breaks/lunch.
Thing is, I know why: gossip/shit-talking about you is easier when you aren't around. I know co-workers will start shit talking other employees (or even the manager in a personal way rather than general work complaint way) and even when I myself dislike the co-worker/manager they're shit-talking myself I tend to soft-defend them because of the discomfort over talking shit about other people.
EDIT: I kind of wish people could just be more blunt/open or even confrontational and not do the Machiavellian thing. Rip the bandaid off.
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I fully agree with most of what you’re saying. But I also have many close friends who started out as coworkers, but we found out we’re enjoying each other’s company.
Hell I’m crashing on a former colleague’s (and former boss’s even) couch right now, and another colleague in the same city offered theirs. Another ex coworker is my deepest confidant in just about any topic.
It’s a bit tricky to find out which people are worth deepening the relationship with, and how to cordially avoid the others. But that’s just like everywhere else tbh.
Edit: I wanna add it’s perfectly fine to keep your distance to people from work, as long as you’re not being an asshole. I know I would have missed out on great seemingly lifetime friendships with that attitude and I don’t recommend not joining this seemingly cool person for a drink after work for the sole reason that you work together.
I have to agree. Work, like school, has a mixture of people, some you'll get on with and others you won't. I've made some good friends there.
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This post did not contain any content.wrote last edited by [email protected]
So yeah this is me. I’m sure it’s a lot of us here. If you’re lucky you also have that flavor of neurospice that comes with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, so that not only is the social interaction itself taxing, but then the idea of sharing personal information is horrifying.
The results you get from it still depend on how you choose to react to your environment. Importantly, your brain and neurodivergence are part of that environment.
And it’s ok. Being friendly and participating in chats is not going to sign you up to go to anybody’s house. Sharing some details about your weekend plans won’t invite criticism or sign you up for other activities. (but if you work in a toxic environment, use your own judgment and act accordingly)
I think even with those of us who are very introverted, a lot of how “present” versus “withdrawn” you come across still comes down to things like depression, anxiety, and fatigue. I am fortunate right now to have a pretty good environment between a good job, the right medications, and mental/physical health. I’ll smile and wave at folks around the office, or BS about nerdy shit with whichever other engineers are in the office that day.
…but then I’ll still put in my earbuds and not talk to anybody for hours on end. If another person doesn’t strike up a conversation, maybe I don’t talk out loud all day. And at lunch I’ll not just sit in my car but drive home to eat!
There’s also something deeper and more fundamental at play here. Part of figuring out how to take care of myself and enjoy existence more has been to consciously nudge myself towards actions that I expect to benefit my well-being, rather than what works best for me in the moment. It can be little things, but they do add up.
For example, stopping to ask somebody who does customer demos what interesting stuff they’ve been working on. It seems like the typical in-office time waster. However, a short positive social interaction with a friendly face can boost both of your moods and make both of your days better. The work-related subject is the easy way into starting a conversation (me giving advice on starting conversations is some Twilight Zone feeling shit) and there might even be something interesting to learn.
This is the point where I’d make a joke about how wasting a bit of the company’s time to improve the mental health of two human beings is a win-win in my book. But we all know that happier employees will literally produce better results for the employer too!
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Correct, but refusal to engage in small talk, banter, discussing your lives, and the occasional social outing, will have many see you as stand offish, asocial, and your refusal to do this basic community building stuff, as being rude.
Being forced to do these things seems childish
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I fully agree with most of what you’re saying. But I also have many close friends who started out as coworkers, but we found out we’re enjoying each other’s company.
Hell I’m crashing on a former colleague’s (and former boss’s even) couch right now, and another colleague in the same city offered theirs. Another ex coworker is my deepest confidant in just about any topic.
It’s a bit tricky to find out which people are worth deepening the relationship with, and how to cordially avoid the others. But that’s just like everywhere else tbh.
Edit: I wanna add it’s perfectly fine to keep your distance to people from work, as long as you’re not being an asshole. I know I would have missed out on great seemingly lifetime friendships with that attitude and I don’t recommend not joining this seemingly cool person for a drink after work for the sole reason that you work together.
It's fine to be friends with your coworkers, but it shouldn't be an expectation
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Correct, but refusal to engage in small talk, banter, discussing your lives, and the occasional social outing, will have many see you as stand offish, asocial, and your refusal to do this basic community building stuff, as being rude.
wrote last edited by [email protected]The rude part is judging people.
Not wanting to engage in small talk or banter in a situation that they would not be in unless they were paid is completely understandable. Everyone is different. Nothing on that list is rude. And you are validating why people do the things they do. Because some asshole is going to call you rude.
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Any company culture that expects you to be friends with your coworkers is a dumpster fire. Run quickly.
I've worked in my current office for two years and don't know the first thing about any of my coworkers beyond their name and specialization. No clue if they're married or have kids, or what they do on the weekend. We never chit-chat. I am infinitely happier here than anywhere I've worked in the past.
Any company culture that expects you to be friends with your coworkers is a dumpster fire.
Any company culture that demands friendship, certainly. But there are more than a few firms that do a good job of cultivating it naturally. When work requires collaboration and people spend lots of time together, they often form bonds of friendship of their own accord.
I find that companies which cubicle off their staff, silo the work so its never more than one or two people working on a given project, deliberately run short-staffed (particularly when business is slow and there's ample time for socializing), have managers that give you heat for any kind of non-work activity, and visibly stack-rank staff so that everyone is on edge about layoffs can create an environment where people are poorly socialized.
But so much of this is about squeezing "efficiency" out of workers. If you're not friendly with the people you spend a solid third of your day with, you're not doing anyone any favors except the bosses. Alienating you from your co-workers is the end result of the long tail of union busting and precarious employment.
