Anon is rude at work
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I never trust the 'spends lunch break in car' types. First one I ran into was listening to Rush Deadbaugh and the second was talking to god or something.
I'm one of those people. I wouldn't be caught dead listening to Rush Limbaugh or his ilk though, and I'm also not talking to god. I'm just recharging my social battery.
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Any company culture that expects you to be friends with your coworkers is a dumpster fire. Run quickly.
I've worked in my current office for two years and don't know the first thing about any of my coworkers beyond their name and specialization. No clue if they're married or have kids, or what they do on the weekend. We never chit-chat. I am infinitely happier here than anywhere I've worked in the past.
Looks like someone's got a case of the Mondays! /j
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Hey, so what's your views on religion, politics, and class dividions???
eats popcorn and glares as you answer
Proceed to shoot off incoherent insults when they're different.
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I fully agree with most of what you’re saying. But I also have many close friends who started out as coworkers, but we found out we’re enjoying each other’s company.
Hell I’m crashing on a former colleague’s (and former boss’s even) couch right now, and another colleague in the same city offered theirs. Another ex coworker is my deepest confidant in just about any topic.
It’s a bit tricky to find out which people are worth deepening the relationship with, and how to cordially avoid the others. But that’s just like everywhere else tbh.
Edit: I wanna add it’s perfectly fine to keep your distance to people from work, as long as you’re not being an asshole. I know I would have missed out on great seemingly lifetime friendships with that attitude and I don’t recommend not joining this seemingly cool person for a drink after work for the sole reason that you work together.
wrote last edited by [email protected]I'm torn, most of the time I'd agree and I do befriend co-workers myself most of the time. But I do kind of resent the fact that often people at work often come to dislike you if you aren't spending time with them during breaks/lunch.
Thing is, I know why: gossip/shit-talking about you is easier when you aren't around. I know co-workers will start shit talking other employees (or even the manager in a personal way rather than general work complaint way) and even when I myself dislike the co-worker/manager they're shit-talking myself I tend to soft-defend them because of the discomfort over talking shit about other people.
EDIT: I kind of wish people could just be more blunt/open or even confrontational and not do the Machiavellian thing. Rip the bandaid off.
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I fully agree with most of what you’re saying. But I also have many close friends who started out as coworkers, but we found out we’re enjoying each other’s company.
Hell I’m crashing on a former colleague’s (and former boss’s even) couch right now, and another colleague in the same city offered theirs. Another ex coworker is my deepest confidant in just about any topic.
It’s a bit tricky to find out which people are worth deepening the relationship with, and how to cordially avoid the others. But that’s just like everywhere else tbh.
Edit: I wanna add it’s perfectly fine to keep your distance to people from work, as long as you’re not being an asshole. I know I would have missed out on great seemingly lifetime friendships with that attitude and I don’t recommend not joining this seemingly cool person for a drink after work for the sole reason that you work together.
I have to agree. Work, like school, has a mixture of people, some you'll get on with and others you won't. I've made some good friends there.
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This post did not contain any content.wrote last edited by [email protected]
So yeah this is me. I’m sure it’s a lot of us here. If you’re lucky you also have that flavor of neurospice that comes with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, so that not only is the social interaction itself taxing, but then the idea of sharing personal information is horrifying.
The results you get from it still depend on how you choose to react to your environment. Importantly, your brain and neurodivergence are part of that environment.
And it’s ok. Being friendly and participating in chats is not going to sign you up to go to anybody’s house. Sharing some details about your weekend plans won’t invite criticism or sign you up for other activities. (but if you work in a toxic environment, use your own judgment and act accordingly)
I think even with those of us who are very introverted, a lot of how “present” versus “withdrawn” you come across still comes down to things like depression, anxiety, and fatigue. I am fortunate right now to have a pretty good environment between a good job, the right medications, and mental/physical health. I’ll smile and wave at folks around the office, or BS about nerdy shit with whichever other engineers are in the office that day.
…but then I’ll still put in my earbuds and not talk to anybody for hours on end. If another person doesn’t strike up a conversation, maybe I don’t talk out loud all day. And at lunch I’ll not just sit in my car but drive home to eat!
There’s also something deeper and more fundamental at play here. Part of figuring out how to take care of myself and enjoy existence more has been to consciously nudge myself towards actions that I expect to benefit my well-being, rather than what works best for me in the moment. It can be little things, but they do add up.
For example, stopping to ask somebody who does customer demos what interesting stuff they’ve been working on. It seems like the typical in-office time waster. However, a short positive social interaction with a friendly face can boost both of your moods and make both of your days better. The work-related subject is the easy way into starting a conversation (me giving advice on starting conversations is some Twilight Zone feeling shit) and there might even be something interesting to learn.
This is the point where I’d make a joke about how wasting a bit of the company’s time to improve the mental health of two human beings is a win-win in my book. But we all know that happier employees will literally produce better results for the employer too!
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Correct, but refusal to engage in small talk, banter, discussing your lives, and the occasional social outing, will have many see you as stand offish, asocial, and your refusal to do this basic community building stuff, as being rude.
Being forced to do these things seems childish
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I fully agree with most of what you’re saying. But I also have many close friends who started out as coworkers, but we found out we’re enjoying each other’s company.
Hell I’m crashing on a former colleague’s (and former boss’s even) couch right now, and another colleague in the same city offered theirs. Another ex coworker is my deepest confidant in just about any topic.
It’s a bit tricky to find out which people are worth deepening the relationship with, and how to cordially avoid the others. But that’s just like everywhere else tbh.
Edit: I wanna add it’s perfectly fine to keep your distance to people from work, as long as you’re not being an asshole. I know I would have missed out on great seemingly lifetime friendships with that attitude and I don’t recommend not joining this seemingly cool person for a drink after work for the sole reason that you work together.
It's fine to be friends with your coworkers, but it shouldn't be an expectation
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Correct, but refusal to engage in small talk, banter, discussing your lives, and the occasional social outing, will have many see you as stand offish, asocial, and your refusal to do this basic community building stuff, as being rude.
wrote last edited by [email protected]The rude part is judging people.
Not wanting to engage in small talk or banter in a situation that they would not be in unless they were paid is completely understandable. Everyone is different. Nothing on that list is rude. And you are validating why people do the things they do. Because some asshole is going to call you rude.
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Any company culture that expects you to be friends with your coworkers is a dumpster fire. Run quickly.
I've worked in my current office for two years and don't know the first thing about any of my coworkers beyond their name and specialization. No clue if they're married or have kids, or what they do on the weekend. We never chit-chat. I am infinitely happier here than anywhere I've worked in the past.
Any company culture that expects you to be friends with your coworkers is a dumpster fire.
Any company culture that demands friendship, certainly. But there are more than a few firms that do a good job of cultivating it naturally. When work requires collaboration and people spend lots of time together, they often form bonds of friendship of their own accord.
I find that companies which cubicle off their staff, silo the work so its never more than one or two people working on a given project, deliberately run short-staffed (particularly when business is slow and there's ample time for socializing), have managers that give you heat for any kind of non-work activity, and visibly stack-rank staff so that everyone is on edge about layoffs can create an environment where people are poorly socialized.
But so much of this is about squeezing "efficiency" out of workers. If you're not friendly with the people you spend a solid third of your day with, you're not doing anyone any favors except the bosses. Alienating you from your co-workers is the end result of the long tail of union busting and precarious employment.
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I feel like if you are friendly with your co-workers it makes the days go by faster.
Tends to make the job easier, too. Lots of accumulated experience that goes neglected when people hide in their cubbies and don't interact with one another.
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Any company culture that expects you to be friends with your coworkers is a dumpster fire.
Any company culture that demands friendship, certainly. But there are more than a few firms that do a good job of cultivating it naturally. When work requires collaboration and people spend lots of time together, they often form bonds of friendship of their own accord.
I find that companies which cubicle off their staff, silo the work so its never more than one or two people working on a given project, deliberately run short-staffed (particularly when business is slow and there's ample time for socializing), have managers that give you heat for any kind of non-work activity, and visibly stack-rank staff so that everyone is on edge about layoffs can create an environment where people are poorly socialized.
But so much of this is about squeezing "efficiency" out of workers. If you're not friendly with the people you spend a solid third of your day with, you're not doing anyone any favors except the bosses. Alienating you from your co-workers is the end result of the long tail of union busting and precarious employment.
Strong disagree. You can absolutely be friendly with coworkers and enjoy working with them without crossing the boundary into your personal life, and this is usually the best for long-term happiness at work. This is especially beneficial whenever people change roles and move to management - it's exceptionally difficult to be a manager to a friend.
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>spend 8 hours a day, minimum, sitting next to some guy
>try to make small talk to break up the monotony of wage slavery
>guy doesn't even respond, or gives short answers at best
>damn, he must either not like me or isn't a very sociable person
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Where tf is this rude? Someone like this would fly under the radar 9/10 times and be considered a great employee unless thy aren't doing their job.
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Any company culture that expects you to be friends with your coworkers is a dumpster fire.
Any company culture that demands friendship, certainly. But there are more than a few firms that do a good job of cultivating it naturally. When work requires collaboration and people spend lots of time together, they often form bonds of friendship of their own accord.
I find that companies which cubicle off their staff, silo the work so its never more than one or two people working on a given project, deliberately run short-staffed (particularly when business is slow and there's ample time for socializing), have managers that give you heat for any kind of non-work activity, and visibly stack-rank staff so that everyone is on edge about layoffs can create an environment where people are poorly socialized.
But so much of this is about squeezing "efficiency" out of workers. If you're not friendly with the people you spend a solid third of your day with, you're not doing anyone any favors except the bosses. Alienating you from your co-workers is the end result of the long tail of union busting and precarious employment.
This is definitely extremely true and far more accurate than op which reads like they work at a grocery or fast food
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Where tf is this rude? Someone like this would fly under the radar 9/10 times and be considered a great employee unless thy aren't doing their job.
"Rude" to the social butterflies at the office.
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You could only get away so much with job hopping.
Really? Because that's not been my experience at all. You can even come back to the same company multiple times. Sometimes it's even easier since you "know the company already".
adjusting to new working culture and environment can be challenging and eventually drain you as a person.
I guess that's a personal thing. I don't experience that at all, but if you feel the need to personally reconnect to all your coworkers, I can see why it would be very draining. If you see your coworkers as coworkers, it's a lot easier.
wrote last edited by [email protected]In some industries, job hopping is completely fine because of their nature and circumstances. But in my one, it is tolerated for those who are just new in their career, especially the newly graduates. In my field, the longer you are in your career, the more they expect that you to stay in a given company. Each companies in my field have their own quirks, so they appreciate people who stay on for long because they don't have to train new starts on the nuances (some companies backstab their long time employees, but that is kind of expected in any industry). Some might even think weirdly if you are doing some practices you picked up from your previous company (like reading the SOP). So, adjusting to new work environment can be daunting because different companies (in my field) do things differently.
I am a pretty sociable person. I consider many of my previous and current colleagues as friends, but they are different kind of friend, which is work friend. I would hang out with them and go for drinks or talk about things outside of work; but I won't share with them too intimate details of my life, as I do to my long time friends I grew up with.
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Strong disagree. You can absolutely be friendly with coworkers and enjoy working with them without crossing the boundary into your personal life, and this is usually the best for long-term happiness at work. This is especially beneficial whenever people change roles and move to management - it's exceptionally difficult to be a manager to a friend.
I mean, that's called having "work friends". You hang out at work, maybe grab a beer together sometimes, help each other out professionally, but they typically don't enter into the rest of your life. This is extremely common.
Also, it really isn't hard to be a manager to your friends if both people have any level of emotional intelligence. A good manager's job is to support their subordinates, enable their growth, and shelter them from belligerent demands of uninformed clients or higher-ups.
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Friends are people I like, share hobbies and interests with and want to have around me in my life. I picked my friends myself and I'm proud and happy with them.
Coworkers are people I'm stuck in a room with 40 hours a week. Of course you should be polite and friendly, because you're stuck with them. They got foisted on me and dealing with is part of why I get paid.
There's a huge difference between "not a living hell" and "sharing my private life and feelings". If everyone is professional and polite, that's great, but I dislike quite a lot of the people I work with and wouldn't spend 10 minutes with them if I didn't get paid for it.
If you dislike so many people you work with and feel like you are "stuck in a room" at you job, why don't you get a different job, where you like your coworkers and enjoy what you do?
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If you dislike so many people you work with and feel like you are "stuck in a room" at you job, why don't you get a different job, where you like your coworkers and enjoy what you do?
I enjoy the work I do. I'm self employed and I got to hire all my coworkers myself. But "this person should be my close personal friend"is a very poor criterium for hiring someone.
Maybe I could have phrased it better. Most people at work I have a perfectly fine professional relationship with, but I wouldn't be friends with them. It's like neighbors, it's good to be nice with them, but in the Grand scheme of things, we're only spending time together because of physical proximity.
Maybe I have really high standards for friends, but if I didn't work with these people, we wouldn't find eachother remotely friend-material, so why does working together change that?
