What is a fair way to split costs when my girlfriend moves in? (I own the apartment)
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So in a relationship the party that moves into the others home can decide how much they will contribute? What's the rationale here?
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If you're keeping the apartment only in your name I think it's fair only you pay the mortgage, she can pay half of everything else that she does benefit from/has to pay for in her current living situation anyways
Either way this is something you need to talk about with her and see what both of you ate comfortable with. Se might not agree to whatever some stranger on lemmy thinks
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I am not sure the way Amsterdam law sees it but in a lot of countries if shes paying some of the mortgage and she lives there for a certain length of time she becomes part owner of said condo. Best to get legal advice as if you break up you may be forced to sell and split part of the sale.
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It gives you an early signal that the relationship won't work out if the other party decides to contribute nothing for no reason other than to have their cake and eat it too.
I'm of the belief that when it comes to relationships, if you're thinking about it transactionally, then you're doing things wrong. As long as being together is a net positive for both parties, then it doesn't matter if one contributes more than the other.
On a more pragmatic note, you can contribute a lot through non-financial means and these are difficult to quantify, so it's simply not worth the effort to do that kind of bean counting. If you don't feel that they're pulling their weight, then you talk about it and make some adjustments.
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I wouldn’t call them moving in and after a while realizing they are not contributing an early signal.
You know what would be? Talking about it up front and coming to an agreement. Whether it be financial or otherwise.And this has nothing to do with a relationship being transactional. In fact it’s the opposite because then the relationship will not be one person providing for two people and the other person providing a relationship in return.
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My husband and I split things by % of income. First, we made a list of all household bills that we both benefit from - this includes everything from the mortgage to Netflix. Everything. We put it on a shared spreadsheet in Google Drive so we can both access it and update it. The sheet includes the bill description, the amount of it, the due date, and the frequency (weekly, monthly, annually), with another column to deduce the monthly cost of all bills based on frequency.
Next up we made a section for income, and totaled out what we each take home every month. This is AFTER taxes and insurance, what actually lands in the bank accounts. Then we take the total of all the bills and figure out what % it is of our total combined income. For instance if the combined income is 5000/mo and the total for all bills is 3500, then it's 70%. Lastly, we then have a spot that determines what 70% of each of our monthly incomes are. So let's say you bring home 3500 and she brings 1500 - in this scenario you would pay 70% of 3500, or 2450 monthly, and she would pay 1050. If you get paid twice in a month, divide that by 2 and you know what you each should contribute per pay period.
If you setup the sheet with proper formulas, you can just update the bills as needed, and change the income as needed, and it will update contributions automatically. This is the simplest version, but you can also include savings and stuff if you want as well. We opened a joint checking account separate from our main ones when we moved in together, and we transfer the money to it for bills each time we're paid, and all bills come out of that account. Our personal accounts are kept separate and private, because anything left after bills and savings is our own money to spend or save however we like.
Personally I think this is the most equitable way of doing things. We ensure that all bills are paid and that we both have a bit of spending money. We've been together for 20 years, and have kept this system for most of it!
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Without knowing how serious your relationship is, it's hard to say.
I would advise not doing this if the main reason is to save money, especially with one person being the sole owner. The power dynamic is too unbalanced.
But if you're both pretty sure this is a long-term, perhaps lifelong, relationship, then no one here can give you the correct answer. Set aside some time, sit down with your partner, discuss things from both a practical and emotional perspective, do this again in another week or two, and find an arrangement you both feel good about.
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I’d see someplace close to 50-50. Maybe you cover a little bit more because you’ll get some of the money back when she moves out.Maybe I should say if she moves out.
No matter how you do it put it in writing. Let me state that again , put it in writing. And yes, I know there are certain people who not listening or not paying attention so I’m gonna say it a third time: put it in writing.
Do not assume anything do not use verbal agreements. You will get screwed. It’s not a matter of if it’s win. You will get screwed. write everything down. Who covers what who owes what how the bills are going to be split.
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Just get her to cover a few hundred every month. It's true, you so own the equity in the apartment. Or she can cover food or something. If you guys stay together and get a place together someday, then maybe it's 50 50.
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If I were you I'd split just the bills and groceries.
If you'd break up someday (God forbid), the property is still gonna be yours, so there is no point in making her pay any kind of rent. -
Idk about Amsterdam, but in a lot of places half of a comparable rent might be his whole mortgage, depending on how long he's owned the property.
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Take the total of what both of you earn, see what % each one contributes to that, and replicate this on rent
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I've had shared finances with my partner since we moved in together. It's worked well for us because she's really good with money. Probably not for everyone though. Basically we make sure everything is paid and put whatever is left in a joint account.
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If you gotta ask these kinds of things this relationship isn't really serious enough to warrant moving in.
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This sounds like a conversation to have with her, not strangers on that Internet
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If she has to pay for it then she can bring anyone she wishes into her apartment ... with payment come rights.
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I agree it wouldn't be right for her to pay off your mortgage. But I think either 50/50 or proportionate to income (i.e. 1.3/1) splitting of bills, groceries, and other costs incurred by the both of you, is reasonable. But you're in relationship, not a contract, so do discuss this with her and see what the both of you would prefer.
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It’s up to both of you. Don’t rely on social norms because it almost always leads to disagreement or when something changes someone feels it’s unfair.
Sit down together and decide what’s fair for your current situation and revisit it every time you adjust the budget. That can be as often as every week or month. Don’t lock yourselves into 1 agreement for ever. Expect it to be fluid and change as your financial situation changes.
As long as you’re both happy with it, it’s fair.
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I would suggest not charging her to live there, as you own the place; that might feel excessively transactional. Perhaps what would be most reasonable is to split bills proportionally after you've paid your mortgage. If, for example, your mortgage alone was 2000 Euro, you earned 6000 Euro a month, and she earned 4700 Euro a month, you would say that your income was 4000 Euro to her 4700 Euro, and that the split should be about 46% (your share) to 54% (her share).
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Like others have said, one option is to have a chat with her.
Another option could be coming up with a percentage that fits your 30% increase in earnings:
Assuming you start with a 50/50 split, we can add a 30% increase to your share:
0.5 * (1 + 0.3) = 0.65This 30% increase leads to a 65/35 ratio, where you would be paying 65%, and she 35%.
