What is a fair way to split costs when my girlfriend moves in? (I own the apartment)
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Without knowing how serious your relationship is, it's hard to say.
I would advise not doing this if the main reason is to save money, especially with one person being the sole owner. The power dynamic is too unbalanced.
But if you're both pretty sure this is a long-term, perhaps lifelong, relationship, then no one here can give you the correct answer. Set aside some time, sit down with your partner, discuss things from both a practical and emotional perspective, do this again in another week or two, and find an arrangement you both feel good about.
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I’d see someplace close to 50-50. Maybe you cover a little bit more because you’ll get some of the money back when she moves out.Maybe I should say if she moves out.
No matter how you do it put it in writing. Let me state that again , put it in writing. And yes, I know there are certain people who not listening or not paying attention so I’m gonna say it a third time: put it in writing.
Do not assume anything do not use verbal agreements. You will get screwed. It’s not a matter of if it’s win. You will get screwed. write everything down. Who covers what who owes what how the bills are going to be split.
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Just get her to cover a few hundred every month. It's true, you so own the equity in the apartment. Or she can cover food or something. If you guys stay together and get a place together someday, then maybe it's 50 50.
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If I were you I'd split just the bills and groceries.
If you'd break up someday (God forbid), the property is still gonna be yours, so there is no point in making her pay any kind of rent. -
Idk about Amsterdam, but in a lot of places half of a comparable rent might be his whole mortgage, depending on how long he's owned the property.
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Take the total of what both of you earn, see what % each one contributes to that, and replicate this on rent
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I've had shared finances with my partner since we moved in together. It's worked well for us because she's really good with money. Probably not for everyone though. Basically we make sure everything is paid and put whatever is left in a joint account.
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If you gotta ask these kinds of things this relationship isn't really serious enough to warrant moving in.
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This sounds like a conversation to have with her, not strangers on that Internet
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If she has to pay for it then she can bring anyone she wishes into her apartment ... with payment come rights.
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I agree it wouldn't be right for her to pay off your mortgage. But I think either 50/50 or proportionate to income (i.e. 1.3/1) splitting of bills, groceries, and other costs incurred by the both of you, is reasonable. But you're in relationship, not a contract, so do discuss this with her and see what the both of you would prefer.
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It’s up to both of you. Don’t rely on social norms because it almost always leads to disagreement or when something changes someone feels it’s unfair.
Sit down together and decide what’s fair for your current situation and revisit it every time you adjust the budget. That can be as often as every week or month. Don’t lock yourselves into 1 agreement for ever. Expect it to be fluid and change as your financial situation changes.
As long as you’re both happy with it, it’s fair.
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I would suggest not charging her to live there, as you own the place; that might feel excessively transactional. Perhaps what would be most reasonable is to split bills proportionally after you've paid your mortgage. If, for example, your mortgage alone was 2000 Euro, you earned 6000 Euro a month, and she earned 4700 Euro a month, you would say that your income was 4000 Euro to her 4700 Euro, and that the split should be about 46% (your share) to 54% (her share).
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Like others have said, one option is to have a chat with her.
Another option could be coming up with a percentage that fits your 30% increase in earnings:
Assuming you start with a 50/50 split, we can add a 30% increase to your share:
0.5 * (1 + 0.3) = 0.65This 30% increase leads to a 65/35 ratio, where you would be paying 65%, and she 35%.
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Finances are one of the most common reasons for divorce, being open about these things is key in a relationship.
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My partner and I split all costs based on what we are able to commit to (roughly proportional to income)
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I always wonder about that. It seems like a non-issue to me. You’re just paying it, same as always, and the other can contribute when or if they can, what they can. Running costs that do increase with two people, like electricity or water, should be easy to just split some way, since the other’s no longer paying for their rent and utilities.
But why does it have to be some set sum or percentage or whatever? Why does it have to be static in the first place? Why not just let them contribute what they can, when they can, since the money’s not tight?
But of course the real correct answer will always be different for each relationship. And only revealed by talking and assuming each feel comfortable being honest and vocal about their thoughts and neither gets steamrolled or gets left with reservations or doubts about the outcome.
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As others have said, there is no right answer but here are my thoughts based on my experience.
- Mortgage
The apartment is under your name so I would expect you to pay the mortgage.
One thing you could do is that your girlfriend puts a share of the mortgage cost into a savings account under her name.
This way if you stay together and decide to buy a new home you can both contribute to it, if you split up you both get your marbles back.
It also levels your salaries and you are both contributing equally to the housing cost so there is no resentment in your side.
- Utilities and groceries
What I did with my girlfriend (now wife) is that we were doing a pro rata monthly contribution to a bank account that was used for everyday life. In your case you are earning 30% more then you can contribute 30% more to this account. Then everything like electricity, groceries, restaurants together ... Was deducted from this account.
It's quite easy to get a free bank account with two cards so we used that (we used N26 at the time but there are plenty of options, the bank account was technically a single person account with two cards but it did not really matter since we were not keeping a lot of money in it)
- Mortgage
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To add to these ideas, I've heard of a 4 bank account system for couples.
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Joint Checking where living expenses can come from.
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Joint Savings for shared investments. Requires two signatures to move money out.
And then each gets a personal account with their spending money that each gets to do whatever they want with.
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This varies by person, and he best person to talk about this is your girlfriend.
With that said, I'd do half what she paid in rent for mortgage (of half the mortgage payment, whichever is smaller), and all other expenses split down the middle.
She would pay rent if she lived elsewhere, the way I see it, her contributing to the mortgage is a deeply discounted rent.This might not work for you, you need to talk. Me and my now husband when we first started setup a joint account, and each sent half of an agreed amount there every month, or as needed. We didn't make similar incomes, it fluctuated back and forth through the years for both of us. Some people would think it was unfair for us to pay the same. It worked for us, and both of us were happy with the arranjement, it might not be the best option for you.
