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  3. Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • X [email protected]

    Can you clear both my nasal passages so I can breath through them simultaneously?

    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
    [email protected]
    wrote last edited by
    #191

    Sure. You now have an extra nose on the side of your face. The nasal passages are clear.

    B 1 Reply Last reply
    0
    • goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG [email protected]

      For myself, can't think of much, just a good coffee. I never mastered the art of arabica-dabra. See you at the next wizard summit.

      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote last edited by
      #192

      There, in front of you, a good coffee. It's really good. It's the best damn thing you've ever tasted. Desperately, you lick the last drop; the memory of this coffee makes everything else taste dull in comparison. It's something like having trouble seeing after exposure to bright light:

      goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG 1 Reply Last reply
      1
      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

        There's always an altruist. Okay, all harmful wishes before this request are hereby revoked! It's like it never happened, except you don't get to wish again:

        • @[email protected] -- Zuckerburg never got diarrhea. But his face still looks like that.

        • @[email protected] - Capitalism never fell and society never collapsed.

        • @[email protected] - Never got stuck in a time loop.

        • @[email protected] - Utopia never lead to human galactic dominance.

        • @[email protected] - The new socialist president was never assassinated.

        • @[email protected] - The dragon "Wyvern of Mordiford" never existed and didn't eat humans.

        • @[email protected] - Never became a millionaire and never got non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

        • @[email protected] - Never got jetpacks. No children were harmed.

        • @[email protected] - The advance A.I. "V.I.K.I." was never developed. Digital slop abounds.

        • @[email protected] - The Earth never collided with the Sun at nearly the speed of light.

        • @[email protected] - Never lost ten years of memory. But does remember the bad dinner.

        • @[email protected] - Increased empathy never led to fascism.

        • @[email protected] - A man named Donald John Trump was born.

        • @[email protected] -- You are no longer uncontrollably perennially happy.

        • @[email protected] -- Popcorn shrimp did not rain from the sky and collapse the ecosystem.

        • @[email protected] -- Dual memories of past and future never harmed you. The memories are gone.

        jimmux@programming.devJ This user is from outside of this forum
        jimmux@programming.devJ This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote last edited by [email protected]
        #193

        But what if the kids who use jetpacks without helmets go on to cause more net harm? You know they would.

        So technically, wishing to cancel all wishes that cause any harm can cause more harm, and thus the wish cancels itself.

        S 1 Reply Last reply
        0
        • lime@feddit.nuL [email protected]

          everyone can now shape-shift at will. this has always been the case.

          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote last edited by
          #194

          Everyone can now shape-shift into a perfect copy of any other person that they've seen. Society collapses due to lack of trust. (You said everyone can "now" and "this has always been". Hence, rewriting history was a second wish.)

          ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI lime@feddit.nuL B flying_sheep@lemmy.mlF 4 Replies Last reply
          0
          • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

            There's always an altruist. Okay, all harmful wishes before this request are hereby revoked! It's like it never happened, except you don't get to wish again:

            • @[email protected] -- Zuckerburg never got diarrhea. But his face still looks like that.

            • @[email protected] - Capitalism never fell and society never collapsed.

            • @[email protected] - Never got stuck in a time loop.

            • @[email protected] - Utopia never lead to human galactic dominance.

            • @[email protected] - The new socialist president was never assassinated.

            • @[email protected] - The dragon "Wyvern of Mordiford" never existed and didn't eat humans.

            • @[email protected] - Never became a millionaire and never got non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

            • @[email protected] - Never got jetpacks. No children were harmed.

            • @[email protected] - The advance A.I. "V.I.K.I." was never developed. Digital slop abounds.

            • @[email protected] - The Earth never collided with the Sun at nearly the speed of light.

            • @[email protected] - Never lost ten years of memory. But does remember the bad dinner.

            • @[email protected] - Increased empathy never led to fascism.

            • @[email protected] - A man named Donald John Trump was born.

            • @[email protected] -- You are no longer uncontrollably perennially happy.

            • @[email protected] -- Popcorn shrimp did not rain from the sky and collapse the ecosystem.

            • @[email protected] -- Dual memories of past and future never harmed you. The memories are gone.

            R This user is from outside of this forum
            R This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote last edited by
            #195

            W socialism

            1 Reply Last reply
            0
            • G [email protected]

              disappear the orange orc.

              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
              [email protected]
              wrote last edited by
              #196

              There is an orange orc on the loose: I have made him invisible.

              1 Reply Last reply
              1
              • G [email protected]

                best boyscout troop ever

                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                [email protected]
                wrote last edited by
                #197

                24 of the best boyscouts in history form. Camping, knot-tying, and team building exercises ensue. You aren't associated with them, but know they exist and grow up to be upstanding citizens.

                1 Reply Last reply
                0
                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                  Sure. You now have an extra nose on the side of your face. The nasal passages are clear.

                  B This user is from outside of this forum
                  B This user is from outside of this forum
                  [email protected]
                  wrote last edited by
                  #198

                  If it lets me breathe properly and consistently living in the south, I don't even care, throw another one on the other side of my face too as a backup just in case.

                  balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG [email protected]

                    For myself, can't think of much, just a good coffee. I never mastered the art of arabica-dabra. See you at the next wizard summit.

                    B This user is from outside of this forum
                    B This user is from outside of this forum
                    [email protected]
                    wrote last edited by
                    #199

                    Good is relative, you forget all coffee you've had previously and keep access to your current coffee. All other coffee is permanently worse than this one going forward.

                    goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG 1 Reply Last reply
                    1
                    • S [email protected]

                      I want my teeth back and healthy

                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                      [email protected]
                      wrote last edited by
                      #200

                      You got it: you now have teeth back (i.e., teeth on your back). They are remarkably healthy, despite being outside your mouth.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      1
                      • B [email protected]

                        If it lets me breathe properly and consistently living in the south, I don't even care, throw another one on the other side of my face too as a backup just in case.

                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                        [email protected]
                        wrote last edited by
                        #201

                        Damn, that sounds rough

                        B 1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH [email protected]

                          100 tacos for $100 deal at the local shack

                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote last edited by
                          #202

                          The printers at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing run wild printing money; the Federal Reserve distributes the money across the country. Hyperinflation like the United States has never seen drives the prices of goods and services up 90%. The $100 tacos now cost $1000. You may still choose to purchase them, however:

                          ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI 1 Reply Last reply
                          0
                          • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                            Damn, that sounds rough

                            B This user is from outside of this forum
                            B This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote last edited by
                            #203

                            Don't even have to make it symmetrical my friend, I am still down.

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            0
                            • afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA [email protected]

                              Gimme that lich thaumaturgist package, with a polar mountain tower built on a leyline convergence 50 levels up and 50 down. I've got a lot of astral projecting I want to do

                              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                              [email protected]
                              wrote last edited by
                              #204

                              You astral project successfully, but the astral realm is filled with horrors beyond your comprehension. They note your presence...

                              afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA 1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                There, in front of you, a good coffee. It's really good. It's the best damn thing you've ever tasted. Desperately, you lick the last drop; the memory of this coffee makes everything else taste dull in comparison. It's something like having trouble seeing after exposure to bright light:

                                goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
                                goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
                                [email protected]
                                wrote last edited by
                                #205

                                I shall savor the memory forever.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                1
                                • S [email protected]

                                  Does lemmy have a dating community? If not we need one

                                  B This user is from outside of this forum
                                  B This user is from outside of this forum
                                  [email protected]
                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #206

                                  People have tried to setup a federated alternative to Tinder/etc and other things, but population is still real low and we're still kind of weird. The sparse demographic info we have is also more than a bit skewed, it's rough.

                                  S S 2 Replies Last reply
                                  0
                                  • B [email protected]

                                    Good is relative, you forget all coffee you've had previously and keep access to your current coffee. All other coffee is permanently worse than this one going forward.

                                    goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
                                    goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #207

                                    If you are going to fasttrack my memory degredation due to a coffee request, at least have the decency to remove Fallout: New Vegas so I can play it again for the first time.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • B [email protected]

                                      Universal love and Transcendent joy

                                      But, if you can't do that, I'd like to enjoy the things I used to (~ 2019?) enjoy.

                                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                      [email protected]
                                      wrote last edited by [email protected]
                                      #208

                                      You Everyone is finally happy–eternally happy. Neurochemistry is now permanently rewired such that we can no longer feel sadness, fear, or embarrassment. We are always experiencing ecstasy and there are no breaks:

                                      (sfxrlz's wish has been reinstated (it was previously cancelled by a wish) and spread to everyone)

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • B [email protected]

                                        People have tried to setup a federated alternative to Tinder/etc and other things, but population is still real low and we're still kind of weird. The sparse demographic info we have is also more than a bit skewed, it's rough.

                                        S This user is from outside of this forum
                                        S This user is from outside of this forum
                                        [email protected]
                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #209

                                        On the other hand, the people who are intestered in federated dating are all going to be fairly similar, which would seem to be a good thing.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • kolanaki@pawb.socialK [email protected]

                                          I wanna be my fursona.

                                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                          [email protected]
                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #210

                                          You and your fursona are now one. Big hit in the furry community; everyone is visibly scared. You also have the dietary restrictions that your fursona has:

                                          1 Reply Last reply
                                          1
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