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  3. Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • G [email protected]

    disappear the orange orc.

    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
    [email protected]
    wrote last edited by
    #196

    There is an orange orc on the loose: I have made him invisible.

    1 Reply Last reply
    1
    • G [email protected]

      best boyscout troop ever

      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote last edited by
      #197

      24 of the best boyscouts in history form. Camping, knot-tying, and team building exercises ensue. You aren't associated with them, but know they exist and grow up to be upstanding citizens.

      1 Reply Last reply
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      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

        Sure. You now have an extra nose on the side of your face. The nasal passages are clear.

        B This user is from outside of this forum
        B This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote last edited by
        #198

        If it lets me breathe properly and consistently living in the south, I don't even care, throw another one on the other side of my face too as a backup just in case.

        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
        0
        • goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG [email protected]

          For myself, can't think of much, just a good coffee. I never mastered the art of arabica-dabra. See you at the next wizard summit.

          B This user is from outside of this forum
          B This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote last edited by
          #199

          Good is relative, you forget all coffee you've had previously and keep access to your current coffee. All other coffee is permanently worse than this one going forward.

          goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG 1 Reply Last reply
          1
          • S [email protected]

            I want my teeth back and healthy

            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote last edited by
            #200

            You got it: you now have teeth back (i.e., teeth on your back). They are remarkably healthy, despite being outside your mouth.

            1 Reply Last reply
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            • B [email protected]

              If it lets me breathe properly and consistently living in the south, I don't even care, throw another one on the other side of my face too as a backup just in case.

              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
              [email protected]
              wrote last edited by
              #201

              Damn, that sounds rough

              B 1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH [email protected]

                100 tacos for $100 deal at the local shack

                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                [email protected]
                wrote last edited by
                #202

                The printers at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing run wild printing money; the Federal Reserve distributes the money across the country. Hyperinflation like the United States has never seen drives the prices of goods and services up 90%. The $100 tacos now cost $1000. You may still choose to purchase them, however:

                ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI 1 Reply Last reply
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                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                  Damn, that sounds rough

                  B This user is from outside of this forum
                  B This user is from outside of this forum
                  [email protected]
                  wrote last edited by
                  #203

                  Don't even have to make it symmetrical my friend, I am still down.

                  1 Reply Last reply
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                  • afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA [email protected]

                    Gimme that lich thaumaturgist package, with a polar mountain tower built on a leyline convergence 50 levels up and 50 down. I've got a lot of astral projecting I want to do

                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                    [email protected]
                    wrote last edited by
                    #204

                    You astral project successfully, but the astral realm is filled with horrors beyond your comprehension. They note your presence...

                    afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA 1 Reply Last reply
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                    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                      There, in front of you, a good coffee. It's really good. It's the best damn thing you've ever tasted. Desperately, you lick the last drop; the memory of this coffee makes everything else taste dull in comparison. It's something like having trouble seeing after exposure to bright light:

                      goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
                      goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
                      [email protected]
                      wrote last edited by
                      #205

                      I shall savor the memory forever.

                      1 Reply Last reply
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                      • S [email protected]

                        Does lemmy have a dating community? If not we need one

                        B This user is from outside of this forum
                        B This user is from outside of this forum
                        [email protected]
                        wrote last edited by
                        #206

                        People have tried to setup a federated alternative to Tinder/etc and other things, but population is still real low and we're still kind of weird. The sparse demographic info we have is also more than a bit skewed, it's rough.

                        S S 2 Replies Last reply
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                        • B [email protected]

                          Good is relative, you forget all coffee you've had previously and keep access to your current coffee. All other coffee is permanently worse than this one going forward.

                          goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
                          goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote last edited by
                          #207

                          If you are going to fasttrack my memory degredation due to a coffee request, at least have the decency to remove Fallout: New Vegas so I can play it again for the first time.

                          1 Reply Last reply
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                          • B [email protected]

                            Universal love and Transcendent joy

                            But, if you can't do that, I'd like to enjoy the things I used to (~ 2019?) enjoy.

                            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote last edited by [email protected]
                            #208

                            You Everyone is finally happy–eternally happy. Neurochemistry is now permanently rewired such that we can no longer feel sadness, fear, or embarrassment. We are always experiencing ecstasy and there are no breaks:

                            (sfxrlz's wish has been reinstated (it was previously cancelled by a wish) and spread to everyone)

                            1 Reply Last reply
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                            • B [email protected]

                              People have tried to setup a federated alternative to Tinder/etc and other things, but population is still real low and we're still kind of weird. The sparse demographic info we have is also more than a bit skewed, it's rough.

                              S This user is from outside of this forum
                              S This user is from outside of this forum
                              [email protected]
                              wrote last edited by
                              #209

                              On the other hand, the people who are intestered in federated dating are all going to be fairly similar, which would seem to be a good thing.

                              1 Reply Last reply
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                              • kolanaki@pawb.socialK [email protected]

                                I wanna be my fursona.

                                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                [email protected]
                                wrote last edited by
                                #210

                                You and your fursona are now one. Big hit in the furry community; everyone is visibly scared. You also have the dietary restrictions that your fursona has:

                                1 Reply Last reply
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                                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                  Granted, but all of your farts are now noticeably audible. You can no longer fart quietly:

                                  D This user is from outside of this forum
                                  D This user is from outside of this forum
                                  [email protected]
                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #211

                                  You say butt hair, I say fart suppressor.

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  1
                                  • T [email protected]

                                    Could you dissapear all the facisim thats popping up everywhere? That would be super.

                                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote last edited by [email protected]
                                    #212

                                    The fascism is now undetectable to the vast majority but still happening behind the scenes:

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    3
                                    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                      You astral project successfully, but the astral realm is filled with horrors beyond your comprehension. They note your presence...

                                      afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA This user is from outside of this forum
                                      afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA This user is from outside of this forum
                                      [email protected]
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #213

                                      I wave my boney hand and say the keyphrase to activate the contingency combined miracle wish spell scroll, binding all outsiders in a kilometer radius; "Hiya, who wants to play Pathfinder? I call DM"

                                      1 Reply Last reply
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                                      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                        Everyone can now shape-shift into a perfect copy of any other person that they've seen. Society collapses due to lack of trust. (You said everyone can "now" and "this has always been". Hence, rewriting history was a second wish.)

                                        ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                                        ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                                        [email protected]
                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #214

                                        It looks like society may have healed after realizing we all wanted to be the same girl.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        1
                                        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                          The printers at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing run wild printing money; the Federal Reserve distributes the money across the country. Hyperinflation like the United States has never seen drives the prices of goods and services up 90%. The $100 tacos now cost $1000. You may still choose to purchase them, however:

                                          ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                                          ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                                          [email protected]
                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #215

                                          90% of $100 is $90. So the tacos are $190, or $1.90 each. Still a solid deal.

                                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
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