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  3. Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • lime@feddit.nuL [email protected]

    don't.

    if you didn't think it worth the time to write it, why should i take the time to read it? surely it will be worthless.

    i'm not here for the bots.

    J This user is from outside of this forum
    J This user is from outside of this forum
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    wrote last edited by
    #246

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    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
      This post did not contain any content.
      O This user is from outside of this forum
      O This user is from outside of this forum
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      wrote last edited by
      #247

      Whenever someone attempts to make a golf swing, change the friction coeficcient of the grip to zero.

      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
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      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
        This post did not contain any content.
        C This user is from outside of this forum
        C This user is from outside of this forum
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        wrote last edited by
        #248

        A pillow with the perfect height and that doesn't flatten after a week of use.

        dozzi92@lemmy.worldD balderdash9@lemmy.zipB C 3 Replies Last reply
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        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

          The fully grown Wyvern of Mordiford appears next to you, standing 20ft (6 meters) tall. It is friendly to you, but has a taste for human flesh.

          tonava@sopuli.xyzT This user is from outside of this forum
          tonava@sopuli.xyzT This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote last edited by
          #249

          Hey, finally one without any downsides!

          1 Reply Last reply
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          • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
            This post did not contain any content.
            te_abstract_art@lemmy.worldT This user is from outside of this forum
            te_abstract_art@lemmy.worldT This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote last edited by
            #250

            Hello wise one,

            I find the Earth's gravity of 9.80665m/s² a bit much. Sometimes my back hurts from standing too long, and the general weight of existence sits heavy on my shoulders.

            Can you make it a bit more comfortable please. Maybe 9.80664?

            W balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 2 Replies Last reply
            1
            • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
              This post did not contain any content.
              M This user is from outside of this forum
              M This user is from outside of this forum
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              wrote last edited by
              #251

              Could I also get the ability to bend reality?

              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI [email protected]

                90% of $100 is $90. So the tacos are $190, or $1.90 each. Still a solid deal.

                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                [email protected]
                wrote last edited by [email protected]
                #252

                I mean to say that the tacos were $100 (wish granted) but the economy then inflated and changed all the prices. Still, the tacos are available and we continue living in a society that uses dollars so it could be worse.

                ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI 1 Reply Last reply
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                • M [email protected]

                  Could I also get the ability to bend reality?

                  balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                  balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                  [email protected]
                  wrote last edited by
                  #253

                  Body swap! You are now a wizard who is cursed to answer wishes with an ironic twist. I am finally freeee!

                  M 1 Reply Last reply
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                  • B [email protected]

                    Some spaghetti please!

                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                    [email protected]
                    wrote last edited by
                    #254

                    Order up! In front of you, there is a plate of blood-red spaghetti. It is the Japanese "Spaghetti Naporitan", which heavily features ketchup:

                    1 Reply Last reply
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                    • M [email protected]

                      I want my mortgage to be paid off.

                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
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                      wrote last edited by
                      #255

                      Done. You now have a desire for your mortgage to be paid off. (Reading this comment, you feel the intensity of the feeling has increased ever so slightly.)

                      M 1 Reply Last reply
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                      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                        No problem. Miraculously, every time you buy one of something, you get another for 2% off!

                        A This user is from outside of this forum
                        A This user is from outside of this forum
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                        wrote last edited by
                        #256

                        Finally i can get my jacuzzi!

                        1 Reply Last reply
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                        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                          Body swap! You are now a wizard who is cursed to answer wishes with an ironic twist. I am finally freeee!

                          M This user is from outside of this forum
                          M This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote last edited by
                          #257

                          So long as I can do this stuff for myself, I'm happy to spread the love!

                          I 1 Reply Last reply
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                          • C [email protected]

                            How about world peace?

                            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote last edited by
                            #258

                            Okay, I have now frozen time in the universe. Peaceful eons pass and I move to a parallel universe to escape the boredom:

                            C 1 Reply Last reply
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                            • H [email protected]

                              Ah, Gandalf the Pink. Is that what happens if the Balrog gets you a second time?

                              W This user is from outside of this forum
                              W This user is from outside of this forum
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                              wrote last edited by [email protected]
                              #259

                              That is, canonically, almost exactly what Saruman's robes are supposed to look like:

                              "I looked then and saw that his robes, which had seemed white, were not so, but were woven of all colours..." - Gandalf the Grey, The Fellowship of the Ring

                              Iridescent like an opal.

                              1 Reply Last reply
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                              • Q [email protected]

                                Okay, let's try this.

                                Every single human being, gradually, develops empathy and awareness to how their choices affects themselves and others.

                                This is to happen over a period of a year and will not lead people to despair but to understand the poor choices they have made throughout their lives and lead them to live better lives, with no malice arbored towards others and themselves.

                                This effect will include the granter of this wish.

                                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                [email protected]
                                wrote last edited by [email protected]
                                #260

                                The seed of a psychic link between all humanity has been planted by your request. It grows, gradually, throughout the year. At first, people can only vaguely feel how others are feeling. In six months, everyone in the same room feels the feelings of everyone else as though the feelings were their own. In a year, humanity is psychically connected to the maximum degree: the Harmonic Human Horde is complete. We now have world peace, but at the cost of our individuality:

                                (Note: I am not a human being. If you'd like me to join the hive mind, this would require a second wish.)

                                Q 1 Reply Last reply
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                                • te_abstract_art@lemmy.worldT [email protected]

                                  Hello wise one,

                                  I find the Earth's gravity of 9.80665m/s² a bit much. Sometimes my back hurts from standing too long, and the general weight of existence sits heavy on my shoulders.

                                  Can you make it a bit more comfortable please. Maybe 9.80664?

                                  W This user is from outside of this forum
                                  W This user is from outside of this forum
                                  [email protected]
                                  wrote last edited by [email protected]
                                  #261

                                  You find yourself suddenly 3 meters up in the air, which is sufficient to change your personal gravitational acceleration by 0.00001 m/s^2. As you can imagine, it is not fun to fall 3 meters. You do anyway. (Alternatively, the mass of every human-made object on the planet gets deleted into the ether, reducing the total mass of earth, but that's not the simplest solution)

                                  1 Reply Last reply
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                                  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                    Your new eyes open. Data fills your processing units and fills your SSD. You live 100 years as an android before the death of everyone you know and your reality as a cold calculating machine begins to drive you mad....

                                    orenj@lemmy.sdf.orgO This user is from outside of this forum
                                    orenj@lemmy.sdf.orgO This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #262

                                    thx bb its all i ever wanted ❤

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                      Suddenly, you hear crying at your door. You open the door, look down, and there in a wicker basket is a baby: it's your mother. You have your mother back as an infant and you may now raise her:

                                      gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.deG This user is from outside of this forum
                                      gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.deG This user is from outside of this forum
                                      [email protected]
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #263

                                      would be cool for me 🙂

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                                        This post did not contain any content.
                                        deflated0ne@lemmy.worldD This user is from outside of this forum
                                        deflated0ne@lemmy.worldD This user is from outside of this forum
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                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #264

                                        5 acres of woodland in the Appalachian Mountains. With a small house on it. Could be 1 room like an old style cabin.

                                        I wanna leave all the bullshit behind. Raise a garden and maybe a few goats and chickens.

                                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • Q [email protected]

                                          No, it doesn't.

                                          The magic effect is on the triggering of the process to start to develop empathy. Forcefully. The empathy itself is yours, even after the event. And the magic being. Lets see if they like having a conscience. Does not get cancelled. The event does.

                                          I did not state a temporary duration for the effect of the outcome of the process. There is no temporary clause on that. The time frame is established for the duration of the process.

                                          And what is the down side on the first part of your remark?

                                          The event lasts one year. And it is gradual. It is not a snap of a finger and people become highly empathic. Everyone else will have a more accelerated growth, granted, but I'll be forced to grow in tandem.

                                          T This user is from outside of this forum
                                          T This user is from outside of this forum
                                          [email protected]
                                          wrote last edited by [email protected]
                                          #265

                                          The magic effect is on the triggering of the process to start to develop empathy. Forcefully. The empathy itself is yours, even after the event. And the magic being. Lets see if they like having a conscience. Does not get cancelled. The event does.

                                          I did not state a temporary duration for the effect of the outcome of the process. There is no temporary clause on that. The time frame is established for the duration of the process.

                                          The event lasts one year. And it is gradual. It is not a snap of a finger and people become highly empathic. Everyone else will have a more accelerated growth, granted, but I’ll be forced to grow in tandem.

                                          Anything that was specified for a duration can be interpreted to end once that duration is up. You never specified what happens after the year. Since nothing is enforcing that empathy after the first year, maintaining it would come down to individual people. And maintaining one state of mind indefinitely is not normal for the vast majority of people.

                                          And what is the down side on the first part of your remark?

                                          You're going to have to empathize with other people to figure that one out. The most people can do during the year is give you a stern talking to. After the year, people are going to feel all sorts of things. Some of which will inevitably be about you. edit: typo

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