Is there like a cheat code for dating apps?
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32m here and ive been on dating apps for over 10 years and think they've gotten worse since the whole swiping algorithm. I always do max swipes daily on fb dating, tinder, and bumble with minimum to no success. Tinder being the worst of the three. Ik irl is better, I just am not good at it with social anxiety and overthinking. Anybody find what works on these apps if you're an average looking man?
sexy horny gay dudes are always ready to show you what a real sexual revolution looks like.
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Having gone from the guy with no matches to getting good matches, in part from advice from female friends, here's what worked for me in order of priority:
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De-red flag. Remember, men are about 5-10x as likely to commit acts of violence as women. So imagine you're looking at your profile as a third person, assuming there's a good chance you're a serial killer. Make sure your jokes are clearly jokes and can't be read as hinting at any extreme beliefs or even overall weirdness. Seriously, there's like a 90% chance that if you haven't done this already, you've got something on your profile that's terrifying to most women. Now a common faulty cognition I see is "I should tell her what other girls don't like about me as a warning". No, stop. That's not how you do it. Because girls will assume it's 1000% worse than what you're saying, and even worse the algorithm will nuke you if you get too many rejections. Instead, see step 4) and reject other girls who won't be into you.
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Good pictures. Again, 1) comes into play here. No dark backgrounds. Nothing that looks like one of those pictures they show of suspects on the news. Outdoors is good. If you have pictures with people, great. If not, no sweat, just make it look good. Look up a guide on how to take a good selfie and use it.
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Keep your written answers short. No one reads them anyway, unless they're really long and creepy. You're not going to convince her you're Shakespeare, she's really just checking to make sure you don't remind her of someone she had a terrible experience with.
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Now all that being said, the best strategy for swiping is to be the opposite of most people. Don't just swipe on anyone who meets your attractiveness standards. Instead, swipe only on girls you'd really be excited to meet, and that you think would be excited to meet you too. Are you frugal? Don't swipe right on the model with a Gucci bag. I know it's hard. But you really have no chance of making it and dating her would make you miserable anyway. So swipe left and get the little boost that helps you meet a better match. I will say I've followed this strategy on Hinge which supposedly has a better algorithm for matching people, so I can't guarantee it for other sites.
#4 is so true, even 15+ years after I stopped using dating sites. I went on a lot of bad dates with attractive girls until I found my wife, who I matched mostly on details than looks alone.
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sexy horny gay dudes are always ready to show you what a real sexual revolution looks like.
Remember when conservatives used to say it was a choice? If it was a choice, I would have lost my virginity a lot sooner.
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32m here and ive been on dating apps for over 10 years and think they've gotten worse since the whole swiping algorithm. I always do max swipes daily on fb dating, tinder, and bumble with minimum to no success. Tinder being the worst of the three. Ik irl is better, I just am not good at it with social anxiety and overthinking. Anybody find what works on these apps if you're an average looking man?
Tell us more about your current usage. What are you doing and where is it failing?
Some of the other posts already hit the highlights. Have a variety of well lit photos. Your profile should be short, but with some unique-ish hooks for people to talk about (eg: "reading 'such and such' for my book club!" - several things for someone to ask about there).
When you do match with people, don't send generic messages. Don't just send "hey". Go read https://nohello.net/en/ for a post about that in other contexts.
After you've had one or two successful exchanges, clear any deal breakers you might have (eg: "really enjoying this conversation but wanted to make sure you saw on my profile I have a toddler. Are you okay with that?"). If that succeeds, ask them out.
Don't provide too many choices. People get overwhelmed easily. "I'd love to talk more about (whatever we we were talking about). Do you want to go on a date? I like (local bar), but (other bar) in your neighborhood looks fun, too!". Two choices. They'll probably pick one.
More specific advice may be available if you tell us more about your specific experience
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Remember when conservatives used to say it was a choice? If it was a choice, I would have lost my virginity a lot sooner.
Same here. I'm like a classic bear IRL and I get attention. My luck with women is nowhere close.
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Guaranteed to get matches if you show off big wads of cash in your pics, no matter what you look like.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Really? I feel like this needs to be empirically tested.
There's ways to accomplish that while not being rich, and rich people don't usually do that, but then again people are dumb.
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32m here and ive been on dating apps for over 10 years and think they've gotten worse since the whole swiping algorithm. I always do max swipes daily on fb dating, tinder, and bumble with minimum to no success. Tinder being the worst of the three. Ik irl is better, I just am not good at it with social anxiety and overthinking. Anybody find what works on these apps if you're an average looking man?
- Be rich
- Don't be poor
I think that's the only legit cheat code
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32m here and ive been on dating apps for over 10 years and think they've gotten worse since the whole swiping algorithm. I always do max swipes daily on fb dating, tinder, and bumble with minimum to no success. Tinder being the worst of the three. Ik irl is better, I just am not good at it with social anxiety and overthinking. Anybody find what works on these apps if you're an average looking man?
- Don't be a misogynistic piece of incel shit
- ?????
- Profit!
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32m here and ive been on dating apps for over 10 years and think they've gotten worse since the whole swiping algorithm. I always do max swipes daily on fb dating, tinder, and bumble with minimum to no success. Tinder being the worst of the three. Ik irl is better, I just am not good at it with social anxiety and overthinking. Anybody find what works on these apps if you're an average looking man?
wrote last edited by [email protected]Data shows that something like 80% of guys on dating apps don't get any attention from women. I don't remember the exact figure. But dating apps are a tough demoralizing place for most men. I'd say branch out in your hobbies and focus on self improvement and hopefully you'll bump into the right person with some shared interest.
Are you going to therapy for your social anxiety and over thinking? Cuz even if you got a match on the apps, you're still going to face those issues when you actually meet up.
One thing I've seen reported in recent times is that men hardly show up to singles events and speed dating type things anymore. But that might be a lot of pressure for your social anxiety if you showed up somewhere and you were the only guy in a room of women.
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Tell us more about your current usage. What are you doing and where is it failing?
Some of the other posts already hit the highlights. Have a variety of well lit photos. Your profile should be short, but with some unique-ish hooks for people to talk about (eg: "reading 'such and such' for my book club!" - several things for someone to ask about there).
When you do match with people, don't send generic messages. Don't just send "hey". Go read https://nohello.net/en/ for a post about that in other contexts.
After you've had one or two successful exchanges, clear any deal breakers you might have (eg: "really enjoying this conversation but wanted to make sure you saw on my profile I have a toddler. Are you okay with that?"). If that succeeds, ask them out.
Don't provide too many choices. People get overwhelmed easily. "I'd love to talk more about (whatever we we were talking about). Do you want to go on a date? I like (local bar), but (other bar) in your neighborhood looks fun, too!". Two choices. They'll probably pick one.
More specific advice may be available if you tell us more about your specific experience
Just haven't gotten any matches although I got back on the apps like a month or so ago
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I've been there. Always been awkward, always struggled with it, always had complex emotions about it. I can confirm though what the previous person said: building yourself up as someone with your own rich world that people would be interested in, that's the healthiest way. You should try as much as possible to do this, I know it's hard. I know you just feel like it's never your turn. But you have to try. I've never met anyone on dating apps but that's also because I used to go out a lot for specifically this reason. But pubs and clubs aren't exactly healthy, it lead more to wasted years, wasted money, and meaningless hookups that left me just as miserable... It was eventually when I took up traveling with organized groups (where I could socialize with like-minded strangers around a healthy topic that we had in common) that I met my current partner.
Nice. I hear ya there
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Just haven't gotten any matches although I got back on the apps like a month or so ago
What part of the world are you in?
In my experience, tinder is pretty bad. I don't use facebook so I can't vouch for that one, but I assume it's also bad. I never got a single match on Bumble.
Hinge, I got pretty good results on. Even though they're all owned by the same Match Group, hinge seemed to work better. I could get about a date a week on hinge, as an average guy.
I think it worked better for me because you can send a note when you see someone you like, so if you can write complete sentences you're already a cut above the average guy.
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What part of the world are you in?
In my experience, tinder is pretty bad. I don't use facebook so I can't vouch for that one, but I assume it's also bad. I never got a single match on Bumble.
Hinge, I got pretty good results on. Even though they're all owned by the same Match Group, hinge seemed to work better. I could get about a date a week on hinge, as an average guy.
I think it worked better for me because you can send a note when you see someone you like, so if you can write complete sentences you're already a cut above the average guy.
I'm in the northeast of USA. I paid for hinge before but only got a couple matches. It's the most expensive one but offers the most I'd say
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I'm in the northeast of USA. I paid for hinge before but only got a couple matches. It's the most expensive one but offers the most I'd say
I never paid for it out of stubbornness.
Are you writing good messages to potential matches?
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I never paid for it out of stubbornness.
Are you writing good messages to potential matches?
On hinge? They weren't creepy or anything
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On hinge? They weren't creepy or anything
That's good but there's a lot of room between creepy and effective
