What is a fair way to split costs when my girlfriend moves in? (I own the apartment)
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I'd agree the sentiment that you're partners, not room mates, though even partners split (or share) things like costs, housework, etc. I'd suggest something like you pay your mortgage and both of you split utilities... or maybe you pay mortgage and she pays utilities, whatever seems fair to both of you. But I wouldn't have her pay me money directly, IDK why but it feels a bit off.
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When my wife (at the time girlfriend) moved in, we split the interest portion of the mortgage payment 50/50. Utilities food and supplies were evenly split. Every bolted down upgrade I paid for 100%, but we decided to split paint since it mattered more to her.
The idea was if she bolted, I would mostly be left with what I paid for. If we got married (we did), we’d combine finances and it wouldn’t matter anyway.
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My gf and I bought a house. The mortgage is 50/50, as we both own the house. All the other costs are divided according to our pay. I earn a bit more than she does so I take about 60 percent and she about 40.
Of course your situation is a bit different seeing as how you would be paying off your mortgage, so you could do the mortgage according to pay as well or smth. The important bit is you figure out something you are both comfortable with to prevent any resentment in the future.
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There are a million possibilities and no single right answer. Strangers on the internet are not going to be able to tell you. Strangers on the internet certainly don't know the dynamic between the two of you.
Write down the possibilities (you've mentioned done in your post). Think of what seems fair to you. Show her the possibilities and talk about it and agree something.
My wife came from a family that considered it the man's duty to pay for everything and that women have to protect themselves from exploitation by guarding their own money. Conversations about sharing expenses were very unwelcome and showing love meant spending a lot in luxury gifts. She used to earn a third of what i did and had more disposable income than me since bills left me with little disposable. You could end up with 2 people at different levels of affluence in the same house of you are very defensive and financially isolationist. It's taken a long time to change that to a collaboration to work through life together with shared resources.
The most "scientific" way in a full commitment would be to put an equal % of both salaries into a "bills" account, then put how much you both want into a savings account and then divide the leftover disposable equally between yourselves.
Or if you're too early to be fully committed then you can start with continuing to pay for everything or ask her for a flat amount contribution.
Just know that money is one of the biggest sources of friction on a relationship and most people at not in the same page. Or takes work and talking to get to the same page.
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Yea I like this.
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This is a discussion you should definitely have with your partner.
My wife and I split things proportionally so I earn more and I pay more. We try and split so we each have some fun money every month. -
As some have mentioned, the real answer is whatever works, as every relationship is different.
With that out of the way however I would generally reccomend three different alternatives, which will depend on what the goal/long term plan is.
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Equal ownership of the appartment
Your GF will either buy in with half of the sum already paid down or "take over" the remainder of thr mortgage that would equal owning half the appartment once paid down, and cover the corresponding portion of monthly down payments. Depending on their current savings this may or may not be feasible. If not able to pay upfront, it may be possible to calculate how much would be needed to eventuallly get to equal ownership and try to save up and pay bit by bit. Running expenses split 50/50 -
Partial ownership of the appartment
Either split the mortgage equally or however large a portion you GF is able to cover financially, and at the point of either movibg out or selling calculate the what share of ownership those dowbpayments have equated. Depending on how long you intend to live their before selling or how willing you both are to commit at the current stage of relationship, this might be the best/fairest way to start of. Can easily transition into option 1 down the line. Running expenses split 50/50 -
No ownership share of the apparment.
You keep paying all mortgage fees and you just split all other running expenses 50/50. If you at some point sell the appartment to buy a new one/a house together you could solve the potential inequality in funds by you coverkng the bigger part of the upfront cost, while she covers a bigger part of the resulting mortgage so that it eventually equates to a 50/50 ownership.
Hope this helps
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I had my home before I met my ex and my current gf. Like you, I was used to paying for everything, but contributing makes people feel like they're an active part of the whole home situation, so my thought was always:
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They get the groceries. They will have different tastes than me, and it's the only bill that really doubled as soon as someone else was here every day.
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They are the main provider of outside the house activities. Going out to eat. Buying gifts to bring to parties. A bigger chunk of vacation budgets. I've already got the home expenses covered. I got to pick the home, so they get to pick the outside of home experience for our life together. It splits up the choices instead of just the money.
Both people were making significantly less than me when but relationships started, though but eventually evened out. This split of things also let them ramp spending up or down with how well our overall financial picture was at the time without any worries of actual bills being paid.
Also as I said, I already had picked the home itself solely on my own along with all the furnishings, so letting them spearhead the non-permanent aspects let them feel they contributed an even amount to the relationship and let them put forward their personalities in unique ways. Both people are very different in who they are, and both really enjoyed the way things were split up, so it seems I struck on something.
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Im in the same situation, we splitted just utilities 50/50 (electric, water, sewer, repairs) and Im sending a little less to shared account for groceries and other food (beacuse I earn less than my partner) but nothing more
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What we did is we added up all expenses. I was making 2x what my SO did. They wanted everything 50/50. I insisted by pay. We ended up meeting half way. Inplay 3/5the of the bill they do 2/5ths.
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So in a relationship the party that moves into the others home can decide how much they will contribute? What's the rationale here?
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If you're keeping the apartment only in your name I think it's fair only you pay the mortgage, she can pay half of everything else that she does benefit from/has to pay for in her current living situation anyways
Either way this is something you need to talk about with her and see what both of you ate comfortable with. Se might not agree to whatever some stranger on lemmy thinks
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I am not sure the way Amsterdam law sees it but in a lot of countries if shes paying some of the mortgage and she lives there for a certain length of time she becomes part owner of said condo. Best to get legal advice as if you break up you may be forced to sell and split part of the sale.
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It gives you an early signal that the relationship won't work out if the other party decides to contribute nothing for no reason other than to have their cake and eat it too.
I'm of the belief that when it comes to relationships, if you're thinking about it transactionally, then you're doing things wrong. As long as being together is a net positive for both parties, then it doesn't matter if one contributes more than the other.
On a more pragmatic note, you can contribute a lot through non-financial means and these are difficult to quantify, so it's simply not worth the effort to do that kind of bean counting. If you don't feel that they're pulling their weight, then you talk about it and make some adjustments.
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I wouldn’t call them moving in and after a while realizing they are not contributing an early signal.
You know what would be? Talking about it up front and coming to an agreement. Whether it be financial or otherwise.And this has nothing to do with a relationship being transactional. In fact it’s the opposite because then the relationship will not be one person providing for two people and the other person providing a relationship in return.
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My husband and I split things by % of income. First, we made a list of all household bills that we both benefit from - this includes everything from the mortgage to Netflix. Everything. We put it on a shared spreadsheet in Google Drive so we can both access it and update it. The sheet includes the bill description, the amount of it, the due date, and the frequency (weekly, monthly, annually), with another column to deduce the monthly cost of all bills based on frequency.
Next up we made a section for income, and totaled out what we each take home every month. This is AFTER taxes and insurance, what actually lands in the bank accounts. Then we take the total of all the bills and figure out what % it is of our total combined income. For instance if the combined income is 5000/mo and the total for all bills is 3500, then it's 70%. Lastly, we then have a spot that determines what 70% of each of our monthly incomes are. So let's say you bring home 3500 and she brings 1500 - in this scenario you would pay 70% of 3500, or 2450 monthly, and she would pay 1050. If you get paid twice in a month, divide that by 2 and you know what you each should contribute per pay period.
If you setup the sheet with proper formulas, you can just update the bills as needed, and change the income as needed, and it will update contributions automatically. This is the simplest version, but you can also include savings and stuff if you want as well. We opened a joint checking account separate from our main ones when we moved in together, and we transfer the money to it for bills each time we're paid, and all bills come out of that account. Our personal accounts are kept separate and private, because anything left after bills and savings is our own money to spend or save however we like.
Personally I think this is the most equitable way of doing things. We ensure that all bills are paid and that we both have a bit of spending money. We've been together for 20 years, and have kept this system for most of it!
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Without knowing how serious your relationship is, it's hard to say.
I would advise not doing this if the main reason is to save money, especially with one person being the sole owner. The power dynamic is too unbalanced.
But if you're both pretty sure this is a long-term, perhaps lifelong, relationship, then no one here can give you the correct answer. Set aside some time, sit down with your partner, discuss things from both a practical and emotional perspective, do this again in another week or two, and find an arrangement you both feel good about.
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I’d see someplace close to 50-50. Maybe you cover a little bit more because you’ll get some of the money back when she moves out.Maybe I should say if she moves out.
No matter how you do it put it in writing. Let me state that again , put it in writing. And yes, I know there are certain people who not listening or not paying attention so I’m gonna say it a third time: put it in writing.
Do not assume anything do not use verbal agreements. You will get screwed. It’s not a matter of if it’s win. You will get screwed. write everything down. Who covers what who owes what how the bills are going to be split.
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Just get her to cover a few hundred every month. It's true, you so own the equity in the apartment. Or she can cover food or something. If you guys stay together and get a place together someday, then maybe it's 50 50.
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If I were you I'd split just the bills and groceries.
If you'd break up someday (God forbid), the property is still gonna be yours, so there is no point in making her pay any kind of rent.
