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  3. Anon dates a 19 y/o

Anon dates a 19 y/o

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  • W [email protected]

    I tried that with Reddit. Parents cockblocked me. Had nothing but my missed life to think about in the meantime, so my mental health slips, and I ask who besides Serial killers and rapists deserves to die (looking for a description of myself in the answers).

    Implying someone's life is worth more than others is a big no no on Reddit.

    Get permabanned for inciting violence.

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    wrote last edited by
    #103

    Nothing but your missed life? You can live a lot of life without a romantic partner, as much I very much understand it can still feel lonely at times.

    W 1 Reply Last reply
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    • S [email protected]

      What's interesting is this rule apparently originated from the early 1900s.

      https://lemmy.zip/comment/21531881

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      wrote last edited by
      #104

      Ah, so "half your age plus seven" wasn't the low end, it was the target.

      That certainly re-frames things.

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      • S [email protected]

        A friend of friend I’ve met a couple times is into me. They’re 23 and I’m 30 and I still don’t have an interest. They’re perfectly nice, but…

        I think after 28-30 it starts to really not matter that much but before that even smallish gaps can be pretty questionable. And any dude that would consider someone their age to be a “hag” probably largely dates younger because mature, experienced women can tell they’re really just garbage man-children.

        soleinvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zoneS This user is from outside of this forum
        soleinvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zoneS This user is from outside of this forum
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        wrote last edited by
        #105

        For real. When I was 24, I dated a 19 year old for like two weeks. They were really nice and interesting, but ultimately the age gap proved to make a relationship unviable. I can't even imagine a nine year gap at that age. Gross.

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        • S [email protected]

          A friend of friend I’ve met a couple times is into me. They’re 23 and I’m 30 and I still don’t have an interest. They’re perfectly nice, but…

          I think after 28-30 it starts to really not matter that much but before that even smallish gaps can be pretty questionable. And any dude that would consider someone their age to be a “hag” probably largely dates younger because mature, experienced women can tell they’re really just garbage man-children.

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          wrote last edited by [email protected]
          #106

          Oh 100%. I knew a guy that was my age, that was always trying to date younger, because no women our age would deal with his bullshit. So... I guess I do understand, huh.

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          • K [email protected]

            I dated a 19 year old at 22 and even in that relatively minor gap there was palpable divide in mindset and priorities. I was looking to start a career and get my life established. She graduated high school a few month prior to turning 19 and just wanted to get high and watch musicals.

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            wrote last edited by
            #107

            Maybe she was rich and could stay high and watch musicals for the rest of her life. What a lucky girl she was.

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            • A [email protected]

              Exactly! Why the fuck would anyone want to date someone that much younger than them? I will never understand why so many men want to date girl so young.

              daggermoon@lemmy.worldD This user is from outside of this forum
              daggermoon@lemmy.worldD This user is from outside of this forum
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              wrote last edited by
              #108

              I mean, i'd like to date someone that much older than me.

              A 1 Reply Last reply
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              • S [email protected]

                A friend of friend I’ve met a couple times is into me. They’re 23 and I’m 30 and I still don’t have an interest. They’re perfectly nice, but…

                I think after 28-30 it starts to really not matter that much but before that even smallish gaps can be pretty questionable. And any dude that would consider someone their age to be a “hag” probably largely dates younger because mature, experienced women can tell they’re really just garbage man-children.

                R This user is from outside of this forum
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                wrote last edited by
                #109

                really just garbage man-children

                It's a green-text, we knew that from the get-go

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                • W [email protected]

                  No, a 19 year old dating a 16 year old is still creepy.

                  fizz@lemmy.nzF This user is from outside of this forum
                  fizz@lemmy.nzF This user is from outside of this forum
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                  wrote last edited by
                  #110

                  The age it lands on is always the grey area age. If youre 19 dating someone 16.5 thats weird but 17.5 most wouldn't bat an eye at.

                  W 1 Reply Last reply
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                  • R [email protected]

                    really just garbage man-children

                    It's a green-text, we knew that from the get-go

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                    wrote last edited by
                    #111

                    Yes, but even people who don’t go online much, even people I actually do care about in my own life, still fall into that category. The people I care about tend to be much nicer and wouldn’t call someone a hag but they do lack a certain level of maturity. Green-text makes it near certain but it’s a “not all rectangles are squares” situation.

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                    • N [email protected]

                      Sure, but there's a difference between hanging out with some 20 year olds, and being romantically involved with them.

                      The latter requires a hell of a lot of maturity and being in a similar place in life to deal with things life throws at you. The former just requires laughing at some meme together you both find funny.

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                      wrote last edited by
                      #112

                      Agreed! But we had solid conversations, deep and involved. I was astonished at how mature and educated they were, forgot what I was like at that age.

                      I've found papers I wrote for school in my teens, thought, "Oh boy, this is gonna be some bullshit." Read them and was surprised at my understanding of the world!

                      Guess my point is, I will never undersell the youth, not ever again. Dating someone half my age, meh, can't really see it, but I do see it as possible for some.

                      N 1 Reply Last reply
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                      • T [email protected]

                        Acquaintances/Friends and "dating" are not the same.

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                        wrote last edited by
                        #113

                        Only saying, we had far more in common than I had thought. I was replying to someone who said winter/spring relationships are only about physical attraction.

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                        • W [email protected]

                          You don't date though. A lot of people I know are young. Who else tf you going to meet nowadays.

                          Though I'd date 25+, screw 22+, not younger.

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                          wrote last edited by
                          #114

                          Meh, I won't put strict age limits on sex. Relationships? I can guess what would and wouldn't work for me, but the world is a big place and people are wildly variable.

                          W 1 Reply Last reply
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                          • S [email protected]

                            Agreed! But we had solid conversations, deep and involved. I was astonished at how mature and educated they were, forgot what I was like at that age.

                            I've found papers I wrote for school in my teens, thought, "Oh boy, this is gonna be some bullshit." Read them and was surprised at my understanding of the world!

                            Guess my point is, I will never undersell the youth, not ever again. Dating someone half my age, meh, can't really see it, but I do see it as possible for some.

                            N This user is from outside of this forum
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                            wrote last edited by
                            #115

                            That's fair, and I would never say that youth are idiots or shouldn't be listened to. That's not true at all, I think they can have many valuable things to contribute to society, the conversation, the world, etc.

                            I'm strictly speaking about them as a romantic partner with such an age gap, especially one that starts when they're 17/18 and the person they're dating is in their 30's or more. Nobody can convince me that that would be an equal relationship for both parties. I've attempted it in my late 20's dating a few 18/19 year olds, and then again attempted it in my mid 30's and it was a significantly worse experience.

                            They weren't bad people in any way, or stupid, or immature in the pop-culture sense of the word. But the relationship was never going to work out, and it was because no matter which way you slice it, a mid 30's man and a 19 or 20 year old girl are not at the same place in life. If they are, then it's the older person who never grew up and is still behaving like a teenager.

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                            • H [email protected]

                              What does that mean ? mid fr fr ? doesn't fr mean for real ?

                              Mid must mean "underwhelming"

                              And big mood ? that's very obscure

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                              wrote last edited by [email protected]
                              #116

                              I think it means something like "this is 'mid' (i.e. uninteresting), I mean it". "fr" seems pretty similar to how a lot of people use honestly/"to be honest"/TBH, just kind of random words for emphasis.

                              H 1 Reply Last reply
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                              • T [email protected]

                                In our modern world, i often forget that some guys like to date older too. I have a crush on a guy a couple years younger than me and have just kind of not done anything because we are coworkers and I fear he'll reject me for who i am, but thanks for the reminder

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                                wrote last edited by [email protected]
                                #117

                                Men who like to date older definitely exist!

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                                • N [email protected]

                                  That's fair, and I would never say that youth are idiots or shouldn't be listened to. That's not true at all, I think they can have many valuable things to contribute to society, the conversation, the world, etc.

                                  I'm strictly speaking about them as a romantic partner with such an age gap, especially one that starts when they're 17/18 and the person they're dating is in their 30's or more. Nobody can convince me that that would be an equal relationship for both parties. I've attempted it in my late 20's dating a few 18/19 year olds, and then again attempted it in my mid 30's and it was a significantly worse experience.

                                  They weren't bad people in any way, or stupid, or immature in the pop-culture sense of the word. But the relationship was never going to work out, and it was because no matter which way you slice it, a mid 30's man and a 19 or 20 year old girl are not at the same place in life. If they are, then it's the older person who never grew up and is still behaving like a teenager.

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                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #118

                                  All agreed! At 52 I considered a relationship with a 26-yo friend. If she didn't have 3 tiny children, maybe? But no, just couldn't see it working. I'd be 80 and her at 54? I'd be robbing her of her youth when she could have had a younger man to share that life with.

                                  Funny enough, my Filipino wife is 6-months older than I, and she was fucking horrified to learn that. Her friends are all married to white dudes 20+ years older. Cultural thing. 🙂

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                                  • A [email protected]

                                    Exactly! Why the fuck would anyone want to date someone that much younger than them? I will never understand why so many men want to date girl so young.

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                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #119

                                    People are feeling all kinds of pressure these days. If they want to have kids they need a lot of resources. But having a lot of resources is really difficult to do when you’re young. So that naturally suggests a compromise: one old with resources and one young with health.

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                                    • C [email protected]

                                      People are feeling all kinds of pressure these days. If they want to have kids they need a lot of resources. But having a lot of resources is really difficult to do when you’re young. So that naturally suggests a compromise: one old with resources and one young with health.

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                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #120

                                      Wait, but I thought men hated "gold diggers"? And also, that's the result of our fucked up late stage capitalism economic system and not how things should work. A young couple should be able to afford to live comfortably and have children if they want.

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                                      • daggermoon@lemmy.worldD [email protected]

                                        I mean, i'd like to date someone that much older than me.

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                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #121

                                        Why? (Genuine question if you feel like sharing) Like, I too prefer older partners, but not that much older.

                                        daggermoon@lemmy.worldD 1 Reply Last reply
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                                        • A [email protected]

                                          Wait, but I thought men hated "gold diggers"? And also, that's the result of our fucked up late stage capitalism economic system and not how things should work. A young couple should be able to afford to live comfortably and have children if they want.

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                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #122

                                          People make life choices based on how things are, not how they ought to be.

                                          Generally a “gold digger” refers to a young woman who marries an elderly rich man with the intent of gaining a large inheritance, not a young woman who marries an established (but still working) man a few decades her senior with the intent of raising a family. A big “gold digger tell” is that the rich guy already has adult children who end up in a feud with his new young wife (because she represents a threat to their inheritance).

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