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  3. Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

    Done. You no longer remember the last ten years of your life:

    P This user is from outside of this forum
    P This user is from outside of this forum
    [email protected]
    wrote last edited by
    #105

    Where am I?!
    Who are you?!
    Why am I so full of diarrhea?!

    D 1 Reply Last reply
    1
    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

      Done. You no longer remember the last ten years of your life:

      A This user is from outside of this forum
      A This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote last edited by
      #106

      Totally genie like behavior. I love it.

      1 Reply Last reply
      0
      • P [email protected]

        Where am I?!
        Who are you?!
        Why am I so full of diarrhea?!

        D This user is from outside of this forum
        D This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote last edited by
        #107

        To be fair, I've had IBS that was exactly that disorienting. No need for magic on that one.

        1 Reply Last reply
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        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
          This post did not contain any content.
          hupf@feddit.orgH This user is from outside of this forum
          hupf@feddit.orgH This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote last edited by
          #108

          [email protected]

          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
          0
          • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

            It is the Golden Age of humanity. Robots serve, CRISPR cures, and war is unnecessary. Earth becomes a paradise--pure perfection. And so we turn our eyes to the stars. The human race spreads throughout the galaxy. We encounter alien species and subsequently, in our magnanimity, conquer them. We are unity. Every life-form will submit to the peace of our administration: or they will perish.

            D This user is from outside of this forum
            D This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote last edited by
            #109

            Had me in the first half. Nice hack. Why rewrite reality when you can just send one person to the mirror universe?

            1 Reply Last reply
            0
            • S [email protected]

              I'd like to be the sole owner of all global patents required for an effective, sustainable, eco-friendly solution to removing and recycling microplastics from earth's environment.

              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
              [email protected]
              wrote last edited by
              #110

              It's official: you are now the sole owner of all eco-friendly and sustainable microplastic patents. There are only a few that are effective, and they are all set to expire in an hour:

              1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • W [email protected]

                The ability to restart parts of my life from a save file, starting from like 16.

                W This user is from outside of this forum
                W This user is from outside of this forum
                [email protected]
                wrote last edited by
                #111

                Read Peter F Hamilton's Void saga.

                W 1 Reply Last reply
                1
                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                  This post did not contain any content.
                  A This user is from outside of this forum
                  A This user is from outside of this forum
                  [email protected]
                  wrote last edited by
                  #112

                  To see all Oaken Tower players have their computer mice overheat when playing that game. To the point where an hour of playing it would make their mice unusable.

                  balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • W [email protected]

                    Read Peter F Hamilton's Void saga.

                    W This user is from outside of this forum
                    W This user is from outside of this forum
                    [email protected]
                    wrote last edited by
                    #113

                    Literally would not have the time for that on an average day. Will see if I can get Vuzix glasses 2 so I can covertly read it at work.

                    W 1 Reply Last reply
                    0
                    • samus12345@sh.itjust.worksS [email protected]

                      The Combine off Earth. I want the Combine off Earth!

                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                      [email protected]
                      wrote last edited by
                      #114

                      Half-Life 3 Confirmed:

                      samus12345@sh.itjust.worksS 1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                        This post did not contain any content.
                        A This user is from outside of this forum
                        A This user is from outside of this forum
                        [email protected]
                        wrote last edited by
                        #115

                        Popcorn Shrimp rain, please.

                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                          This post did not contain any content.
                          fattony@lemmy.worldF This user is from outside of this forum
                          fattony@lemmy.worldF This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote last edited by
                          #116

                          Well I have never had a girlfriend before. And I would really like to have one. So, how about that?

                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                          0
                          • W [email protected]

                            The ability to restart parts of my life from a save file, starting from like 16.

                            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote last edited by
                            #117

                            The first time you activate your power, you are unknowingly stuck in a time loop. Each time you reactivate the power, the loop gets shorter from the point in time you restarted. Basically the movie Groundhog Day but the time loop partially depends on you:

                            dasus@lemmy.worldD W 2 Replies Last reply
                            0
                            • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                              You are now the proud owner of a fully-functional/powered industrial replicator (as seen in Star Trek). The replicator requires a massive energy input which is supplied by its own matter-antimatter reactors. There are numerous built-in safety and ethical protocols, including an inability to replicate functional weapons. The government has detected that you have this technology, and would like to ask you a few questions:

                              B This user is from outside of this forum
                              B This user is from outside of this forum
                              [email protected]
                              wrote last edited by
                              #118

                              As long as the replicator works, I'd call that a win and sort out the rest in a classic Star Trek hairbrained way.

                              1 Reply Last reply
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                              • B [email protected]

                                I would like sanity to be part of our country again. Too big an ask?

                                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                [email protected]
                                wrote last edited by
                                #119

                                Sanity is a part of the country again but does not prevail against opposing forces:

                                1 Reply Last reply
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                                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                  In a flash, everyone's prime directive is empathy. Our modern systems of government based on greed and sex drive crumble away. In its place rises the Feelings Bureaucracy; a dictatorial government in which social offenses, inflicted on the unified society of empathic feelers, is punished severely. The fastest way to deal with bad actors to ensure they do not make others feel bad is to execute them. In response, the world develops a culture of putting another's needs before one's own, or else:

                                  G This user is from outside of this forum
                                  G This user is from outside of this forum
                                  [email protected]
                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #120

                                  Sounds like what chuds think the world is already like

                                  1 Reply Last reply
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                                  • R [email protected]

                                    A bagel.

                                    No. Wait.

                                    Two bagels.

                                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #121

                                    The next time that you eat at a restaurant and are entirely full, two fresh artisanal bagels are delivered to your table: they're complementary.

                                    R 1 Reply Last reply
                                    1
                                    • F [email protected]

                                      Can you get me the Chalupa Supreme combo with 1 steak and 1 chicken?

                                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                      [email protected]
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #122

                                      Granted, but it was previously discarded. Still edible though:

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • hupf@feddit.orgH [email protected]

                                        [email protected]

                                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                        [email protected]
                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #123

                                        Oh I am absolutely loving this community. Happy cake day btw

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        2
                                        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                          The next time that you eat at a restaurant and are entirely full, two fresh artisanal bagels are delivered to your table: they're complementary.

                                          R This user is from outside of this forum
                                          R This user is from outside of this forum
                                          [email protected]
                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #124

                                          Do you want one? I couldn't possibly eat two...

                                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
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