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  3. Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

    Sure. You now have an extra nose on the side of your face. The nasal passages are clear.

    B This user is from outside of this forum
    B This user is from outside of this forum
    [email protected]
    wrote last edited by
    #198

    If it lets me breathe properly and consistently living in the south, I don't even care, throw another one on the other side of my face too as a backup just in case.

    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
    0
    • goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG [email protected]

      For myself, can't think of much, just a good coffee. I never mastered the art of arabica-dabra. See you at the next wizard summit.

      B This user is from outside of this forum
      B This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote last edited by
      #199

      Good is relative, you forget all coffee you've had previously and keep access to your current coffee. All other coffee is permanently worse than this one going forward.

      goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG 1 Reply Last reply
      1
      • S [email protected]

        I want my teeth back and healthy

        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote last edited by
        #200

        You got it: you now have teeth back (i.e., teeth on your back). They are remarkably healthy, despite being outside your mouth.

        1 Reply Last reply
        1
        • B [email protected]

          If it lets me breathe properly and consistently living in the south, I don't even care, throw another one on the other side of my face too as a backup just in case.

          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote last edited by
          #201

          Damn, that sounds rough

          B 1 Reply Last reply
          0
          • heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH [email protected]

            100 tacos for $100 deal at the local shack

            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote last edited by
            #202

            The printers at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing run wild printing money; the Federal Reserve distributes the money across the country. Hyperinflation like the United States has never seen drives the prices of goods and services up 90%. The $100 tacos now cost $1000. You may still choose to purchase them, however:

            ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI 1 Reply Last reply
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            • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

              Damn, that sounds rough

              B This user is from outside of this forum
              B This user is from outside of this forum
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              wrote last edited by
              #203

              Don't even have to make it symmetrical my friend, I am still down.

              1 Reply Last reply
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              • afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA [email protected]

                Gimme that lich thaumaturgist package, with a polar mountain tower built on a leyline convergence 50 levels up and 50 down. I've got a lot of astral projecting I want to do

                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                [email protected]
                wrote last edited by
                #204

                You astral project successfully, but the astral realm is filled with horrors beyond your comprehension. They note your presence...

                afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA 1 Reply Last reply
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                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                  There, in front of you, a good coffee. It's really good. It's the best damn thing you've ever tasted. Desperately, you lick the last drop; the memory of this coffee makes everything else taste dull in comparison. It's something like having trouble seeing after exposure to bright light:

                  goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
                  goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
                  [email protected]
                  wrote last edited by
                  #205

                  I shall savor the memory forever.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  1
                  • S [email protected]

                    Does lemmy have a dating community? If not we need one

                    B This user is from outside of this forum
                    B This user is from outside of this forum
                    [email protected]
                    wrote last edited by
                    #206

                    People have tried to setup a federated alternative to Tinder/etc and other things, but population is still real low and we're still kind of weird. The sparse demographic info we have is also more than a bit skewed, it's rough.

                    S S 2 Replies Last reply
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                    • B [email protected]

                      Good is relative, you forget all coffee you've had previously and keep access to your current coffee. All other coffee is permanently worse than this one going forward.

                      goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
                      goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
                      [email protected]
                      wrote last edited by
                      #207

                      If you are going to fasttrack my memory degredation due to a coffee request, at least have the decency to remove Fallout: New Vegas so I can play it again for the first time.

                      1 Reply Last reply
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                      • B [email protected]

                        Universal love and Transcendent joy

                        But, if you can't do that, I'd like to enjoy the things I used to (~ 2019?) enjoy.

                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                        [email protected]
                        wrote last edited by [email protected]
                        #208

                        You Everyone is finally happy–eternally happy. Neurochemistry is now permanently rewired such that we can no longer feel sadness, fear, or embarrassment. We are always experiencing ecstasy and there are no breaks:

                        (sfxrlz's wish has been reinstated (it was previously cancelled by a wish) and spread to everyone)

                        1 Reply Last reply
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                        • B [email protected]

                          People have tried to setup a federated alternative to Tinder/etc and other things, but population is still real low and we're still kind of weird. The sparse demographic info we have is also more than a bit skewed, it's rough.

                          S This user is from outside of this forum
                          S This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote last edited by
                          #209

                          On the other hand, the people who are intestered in federated dating are all going to be fairly similar, which would seem to be a good thing.

                          1 Reply Last reply
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                          • kolanaki@pawb.socialK [email protected]

                            I wanna be my fursona.

                            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote last edited by
                            #210

                            You and your fursona are now one. Big hit in the furry community; everyone is visibly scared. You also have the dietary restrictions that your fursona has:

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            1
                            • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                              Granted, but all of your farts are now noticeably audible. You can no longer fart quietly:

                              D This user is from outside of this forum
                              D This user is from outside of this forum
                              [email protected]
                              wrote last edited by
                              #211

                              You say butt hair, I say fart suppressor.

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              1
                              • T [email protected]

                                Could you dissapear all the facisim thats popping up everywhere? That would be super.

                                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                [email protected]
                                wrote last edited by [email protected]
                                #212

                                The fascism is now undetectable to the vast majority but still happening behind the scenes:

                                1 Reply Last reply
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                                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                  You astral project successfully, but the astral realm is filled with horrors beyond your comprehension. They note your presence...

                                  afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA This user is from outside of this forum
                                  afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA This user is from outside of this forum
                                  [email protected]
                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #213

                                  I wave my boney hand and say the keyphrase to activate the contingency combined miracle wish spell scroll, binding all outsiders in a kilometer radius; "Hiya, who wants to play Pathfinder? I call DM"

                                  1 Reply Last reply
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                                  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                    Everyone can now shape-shift into a perfect copy of any other person that they've seen. Society collapses due to lack of trust. (You said everyone can "now" and "this has always been". Hence, rewriting history was a second wish.)

                                    ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                                    ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #214

                                    It looks like society may have healed after realizing we all wanted to be the same girl.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    1
                                    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                      The printers at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing run wild printing money; the Federal Reserve distributes the money across the country. Hyperinflation like the United States has never seen drives the prices of goods and services up 90%. The $100 tacos now cost $1000. You may still choose to purchase them, however:

                                      ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                                      ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                                      [email protected]
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #215

                                      90% of $100 is $90. So the tacos are $190, or $1.90 each. Still a solid deal.

                                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • cilethesane@lemmy.caC [email protected]

                                        Could you spread all the empathy across everyone evenly, and then increase it by about 10%?

                                        ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                                        ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                                        [email protected]
                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #216

                                        Realistically, this just means draining the 1-2 people with empathy (Jane Goodall and... that's probably it?) and spreading it across 8 billion people.

                                        cilethesane@lemmy.caC 1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                                          This post did not contain any content.
                                          B This user is from outside of this forum
                                          B This user is from outside of this forum
                                          [email protected]
                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #217

                                          Some spaghetti please!

                                          T balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 2 Replies Last reply
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