I had a neighbour who embalmed his own wife.
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I don't know if it's scary, but in the absolute core of my existence i just need my life to stop sooner rather than later.
I've always been a bit suicidal leaning but when i was stopped i never had the courage to try again.
Every single day my mind tells me "would've been better if you did, it's all a big shitshow anyway" it never misses a day. I keep telling myself to not listen to it but i do agree.
I had a certain circumstance a couple yeara ago where i was close to dieing and it brought me peace...i felt calm and became accepting of what was to come (despite the intense pain). Wife calles an ambulance which they refused to send as we were too calm for it to be believable, so we took a taxi and that's when they got to see the pain i was in and realized time was running out quick.
Bla bla bla etc etc, i got sent home a while later and the same pain returned...excruciating bone wrenching all encompassing pain and all my mind had to add was: "if this is real, just go to sleep and you won't have to wake up again".
And i did, despite this absolute tormenting pain i fell asleep so peacefully and convinced of it all ending...it was such a relief.
But i woke up after...shit.
That's the darkest corner of my existence.
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What makes you think he's talking about a dog?
The "Why?" is a spoiler, i didn't realize it at first too, just was bold text in voyager.
And you are right, ir also could have been a decrepit german with the name shepard lol
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Hey I am curious about how people experience hallucinations can I ask some questions?
Does being tired or sleepy effect it? For example just before falling asleep do you start hearing your voice more clearly or louder?
Do you actually see figures and people in front of you or is it more of a "I think I saw a black cat run in my peripheral vision" type of thing?
Thank you!
It is more that you see geometric patterns in stuff like leaves and clouds. Colors are a bit more saturated. Lines that are supposed to be straight are wobbling, kind of like those optical illusions but in everyday objects. I also saw wallpaper patterns spin in my peripheral vision.
It is less that you see things that aren't there and more that the things that are there behave odd.
The biggest difference isn't in the visuals but in the way your brain thinks. You think about the world from a whole new perspective. And this effect persist after the trip. You still have the same personality, but with the insight of a different perspective.
Falling asleep doesn't change much. Your dreams might be more vibrant. But it would be a waste of a good trip.
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I'm built different
Wrong I presume?
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I'm really good at operating vehicles and other heavy machinery while on LSD, it doesn't significantly impair my coordination or reflexes. Delivered pizzas, drove a forklift once, and left more than a handful of underwhelming/unpleasant trip parties without having to wait til I came down. I suspect it's a combination of my particular neurodivergence plus a lot of practice gaming while tripping, hard to prove though.
Or at least, you think you do.
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The "Why?" is a spoiler, i didn't realize it at first too, just was bold text in voyager.
And you are right, ir also could have been a decrepit german with the name shepard lol
Or a shepherd that's an elderly German man I guess lol
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Just to make this clear. I have completely dealt with all the shit I went through during that time and I have completely processed everything. I have accepted it as a part of my history and I Am completely fine with it. Theres nothing left to talk about in order to learn something about myself that I dont already know. I seriously dont see a single point where this is ever going to cause any problems in my future life.
You don't know that, you most likely pushed it down and covered it up, because that's what people with trauma do. That's not processing it. The scary part isn't what you can imagine / see causing the problems, it's what you can't imagine.
But at the end of the day it's your life, do what you want
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No matter what I do for self-care, my toenails are very sharp. I have accidentally made deep cuts on my own feet as well as others many times.
Yeah mine are like that. I got a 10 cm gash in my leg while I was sleeping.
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You don't know that, you most likely pushed it down and covered it up, because that's what people with trauma do. That's not processing it. The scary part isn't what you can imagine / see causing the problems, it's what you can't imagine.
But at the end of the day it's your life, do what you want
I devinetively didnt suppressed it. I did in fact thought quite a lot about it and also talked about it with people. The process of me processing that time also wasn't something that was a week or so, but it did in fact took quite some time.
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I devinetively didnt suppressed it. I did in fact thought quite a lot about it and also talked about it with people. The process of me processing that time also wasn't something that was a week or so, but it did in fact took quite some time.
"People" doesn't mean a mental health proffessional. But again, you do you.
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I don't know if it's scary, but in the absolute core of my existence i just need my life to stop sooner rather than later.
I've always been a bit suicidal leaning but when i was stopped i never had the courage to try again.
Every single day my mind tells me "would've been better if you did, it's all a big shitshow anyway" it never misses a day. I keep telling myself to not listen to it but i do agree.
I had a certain circumstance a couple yeara ago where i was close to dieing and it brought me peace...i felt calm and became accepting of what was to come (despite the intense pain). Wife calles an ambulance which they refused to send as we were too calm for it to be believable, so we took a taxi and that's when they got to see the pain i was in and realized time was running out quick.
Bla bla bla etc etc, i got sent home a while later and the same pain returned...excruciating bone wrenching all encompassing pain and all my mind had to add was: "if this is real, just go to sleep and you won't have to wake up again".
And i did, despite this absolute tormenting pain i fell asleep so peacefully and convinced of it all ending...it was such a relief.
But i woke up after...shit.
That's the darkest corner of my existence.
That's a wild ride. Hopefully you're at least pain free now.
I don't love the idea of continuing on, but I'm not suicidal. Let's just say, if things were to end suddenly, I'm ok with that. I'll see you all later (or not, who knows?).
As long as my life isn't constant torture, I'm ok continuing on, as long as I'm able to help those that I care about. They're my reason.
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Wait a second people genuinely think magenta is pink?
Commonly it's thought of as between red and purple. I don't know where pink comes from.
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I do a band count before I start peeing into the toiletβ¦.
βA-one, a-two, a-one-two-three-four!β peeeeeeeeeeeee
I then usually start singing a tv show theme song like Happy Days as I keep the flow going. Disturbed yet?
I sing the alphabet in French.
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Clairvoyance runs in my family. Most specifically, my sister has predicted several deaths.
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I am in the same situation. "When I was a child I was the most unhinged asshole I know" is extremly common in this community and I have no clue why.
just a guess, but it could be because kids are dumb and we were all kids once trying to figure out the world with no experience. And then on top of that we tend to remember the cringe moments about ourselves even though those moments were likely an after thought to those around us.
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Hopefully you don't kill anybody else when it finally happens
You can sleep soundly, my driving skills and reflexes will continue being unreasonably good for another 2 or 3 decades at least, and I doubt I'll still be driving myself anywhere by that point
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Wrong I presume?
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Oh most definitely, ADHD+autism, in exchange for absurd skill acquisition and long-term info retention I have horrible short-term memory, intense executive dysfunction, depression, although that last one has been a lot better since I transitioned. Turns out one of the things that was wrong with my brain was an estrogen deficiency lol
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Oh most definitely, ADHD+autism, in exchange for absurd skill acquisition and long-term info retention I have horrible short-term memory, intense executive dysfunction, depression, although that last one has been a lot better since I transitioned. Turns out one of the things that was wrong with my brain was an estrogen deficiency lol
You forgot the grandiosity.
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You forgot the grandiosity.
Recognizing and honestly assessing your own strengths and weaknesses isn't "grandiosity", calm down
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Or at least, you think you do.
If I wasn't right about it I wouldn't have a flawless driving record
