What is a fair way to split costs when my girlfriend moves in? (I own the apartment)
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I'm not sure this is fair. I don't think this is in lieu of such a conversation, but about some ideas on how to pitch the conversation. If you don't have any friends in similar circumstances, it's worth finding out what other people do.
That said, the range of suggestions here is so broad that I'm not sure it's going to help!
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If you want her to pay half of the mortgage it has to be half in her name as well. That should be obvious unless youve already paid the majority off.
Regardless money complicates relationships and at a point in your relationship half your income will become hers and half hers yours, dependent only on where you live.
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lol my wife will leave if I told to pay a cent
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Holy shit. I'm worried about everyone suggesting she pay no rent.
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My advice is not financial but rather about relationships:
- Money and finances are one of the top things couples fight about.
- Psychologists have observed that couples have the same disagreements (or fights) over the long term course of a relationship, and these can be used as touchpoints to assess the couple's emotional maturity and overall relationship health.
- So, whatever financial arrangement you agree upon, commit to it in a way that actively reinforces the importance of the relationship, fosters open communication, and strengthens your bond with one another.
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You should split groceries/electricity and all that 50/50. The house is yours so she should not pay for it unless you actually both agree she should pay a monthly rent to live in your house. That to me would be correct. I am in a different situation as you as I bought the house with my wife and even tho I spent more because I had more money available I did not ask her extra money. Also keep in mind that wife is different than girlfriend. So since wife>girlfriend I honestly thing you should get to an agreement with your girlfirend and she should actually pay something for the rent and it should not be all on you.
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Why does it have to be static in the first place? Why not just let them contribute what they can, when they can, since the money’s not tight?
Who is to decide when and what they can pay then?
It's also as much about determining the disposable income. If she has a different opinion on what is reasonable to spend on other things that could easily become a can of worms.
"This is what you need to contribute to the household, whatever you do with the rest of your money is not my issue" is much better than: "Hey, I know you're low on cash but maybe if you cut back on lattes, avocado toast, gambling, booze and cigarettes, we would be able to pay the bills."
In reality, the fixed amount isn't very fixed anyway. If one part can't pay, it's still unlikely that the partner would kick them out. But as long as money isn't that tight, it's simply better to allocate a fixed amount to the household, so the money isn't disposable for random spending, so they don't risk overspending or increasing expensive habits.
This isn't just to curb the costs, but also to avoid the situation in which one part becomes financially dependent on the other, which is also a recipe for disaster for both parts.
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Stumbled into c/relationshipmath over here
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I personally would feel weird collecting rent money from my girlfriend that provides me equity. Did you ask her what she thinks?
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Math is off.
He makes 30% more than her.
If she makes 100, he makes 130. The total income is 230.Her income is 44% of that (100/230) and his is 56% (130/230).
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I am seriously concerned that in your mind, without payment she would have to ask for permission.
In my personal situation, my gf is staying with me regularly for a while (LDR atm). When she stays here she doesn't have to pay for anything. (She wants to pay for some food) The only thing, I have requested in that situation, is that she tells me when she brings a friend to our place and that preferably I would like to know the friend before they appear in my private space. In other words, I just don't want to open the door and see an unexpected stranger sitting on my couch. Please note, I asked her to respect that. I asked.
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Yeah exactly people getting married when they have no business or maturity to do so. Imagine needing complete strangers on the internet to tell you how to charge someone you love rent.
Then imagine being stupid enough to quote divorce statistics to people who point out how dumb that is.
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Not a financial advisor so take my answer with a massive chunk of salt.
My suggestion would be to get a joint account. If you are comfortable paying all the bills you can also have it overdraft to your account in case of emergencies. The move money into it monthly for bills. I would round up on your bills so you could build a little nest egg at the same time. You move everything that you have been paying into it. And ask her to move what she can into it. If she feels comfortable paying 50%, then do that. If things go sideways, split any extra money by the percentage she is paying. Then if things do go sideways then you can take your piece and have a nice vacation. If they don’t, you have nice rainy day fund.
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if she helps pay the mortgage or renovations or anything that increases the value of the house she gets to own part of the house otherwise its completely unfair, split utilities according to income and thats it.
Probably best to let her dictate the price though since there is such an imbalance of power at play
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that still means she helped pay off the mortgage, and she should accordingly own a part of the house even if she "bolted"
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The logic is that she didn't pay any equity into the house. That makes the situation similar to two people sharing the monthly rent on a rented apartment.
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My wife and I lived together for a bit back when we were dating. We did some math:
Combined rent + $savings = my old rent + her old rent
Then we split the combined rent roughly 1/3 - 2/3 (my salary was higher than hers at the time) so that we were both paying less than we had been before.
We split utilities 50/50 which was kind of a mistake IMO -- I regret the accounting chore that it created. One of us would pay the rent by hand (USA, so paper check to the landlord), but utilities were on auto-pay from my account. We'd have to tally up utilities and add it or subtract it to the rent in order to reimburse the other person when they paid the rent.
Instead of that nonsense, I'd suggest estimating your utilities and split that figure 50/50 - then maybe look at it again once a year in case costs change.
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Oh, I think that advice comes from a good place, it's just misguided. People look at it and say "your partner shouldn't be your cash cow".
OTOH, I think it's important for both people to be contributing to the household financially. That helps keep a certain balance in the relationship even if it's just a token amount.
I think it's more important that they come up with a system that they both think is fair. If moving in together leaves one person feeling like they're being taken for a ride, it'll wreck the relationship.
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Your proposal seems fair to me.
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Fair points. I lacked in perspective but you brought me some, so I thank you
