How did you get your children to go to day care?
-
Yes, it is a whole thing. There are different models with different time frames and it gets tought in the education of the daycare professionals.
I am talking kids aging 0,6 to 3. That is the lower range in Germany and normally you would start with daycare in that age frame.
(Not taking into Account Bavaria. I think you get shot or something as a mother if you even think about giving your child to daycare there)Usually it can be more difficult with older kids though if they have no experience in daycare, since they are more used to only relate to their parents and spending time with them.
Also they might faster realize their parents are going to leave them there and that this is going to become the norm for their days. Understandably they are not gonna like that right off the bat.I worked in other countries as well and it was quite a shock culture wise to have people expect you to rip the crying child of their arms and throw activities at them for up to 9 hours so they get distracted.
As I said, sure, the child will cope over time and calm down. But in the long run I doubt it is a good thing development wise. Starting off you WILL distract them from their feelings and that is not the best way to learn how to deal with your emotions all the time.wrote last edited by [email protected]We have kindergarten precursors for smaller kids here.
Also, dads do any of that (almost) as much as mums.
Starting off you WILL distract them from their feelings and that is not the best way to learn how to deal with your emotions all the time.
I resent that. We do very well help kids to deal with their feelings. Teach emotions, empathy. And also have empathy for them. Words of consolation, a lap to sit in.
[redacted]
Give kids more credit. They are social creatures and ideally they do relate to many differen people right from the start.
-
Gradually over a few days? Not over weeks or months, no.
My son cried for nearly a year. He has neurodivergencies, not known at the toddler years, and the daycare worker was rigid. It wasn't a right match.
I didn't know what to do then, but I still wish I could have found a different daycare for him sooner. He was fine with more "fun loving" types. Her rigidity had my son go selectively mute when he was at her daycare. Drop offs were hell, I wish I had the knowledge to advocate for myself and my son better back then.
He definitely had severe separation anxiety, it was rough for awhile.
-
My son cried for nearly a year. He has neurodivergencies, not known at the toddler years, and the daycare worker was rigid. It wasn't a right match.
I didn't know what to do then, but I still wish I could have found a different daycare for him sooner. He was fine with more "fun loving" types. Her rigidity had my son go selectively mute when he was at her daycare. Drop offs were hell, I wish I had the knowledge to advocate for myself and my son better back then.
He definitely had severe separation anxiety, it was rough for awhile.
I'm sorry that happened to your child and to you by proxy. Sounds like a really bad time. Hopefully it wasn't all bad.
Take care.
-
Where I live, Germany, it is very common to spend weeks, sometimes even months, trying to slowly get a child used to going to day care. In my home country, the Netherlands, this wasn't really a thing when I was younger and, from what I've learned from people with young children there, isn't common even today. That got me thinking.
Are there many differences between countries when it comes to day care and specifically getting your children to go to day care in the first place?
We're currently getting our second child used to day care. For our first child the entire process took six weeks and represented the Idea trajectory - nobody was ill, she liked going there, she liked eating there and she didn't make a fuss when it was time to sleep there. Still, this represents a significant investment of time (and therefore money) for any working parent. Sometimes it seems really absurd and impractical. I get the impression that the entire day care system in Germany revolves around the idea that mothers don't work or, if they do, it's only ever part time.
How does this look like in other countries? I've linked an article (in German, but translation services are available) about the system we're stuck with here, if anyone wants to dive deeper.
In the US our child started going at 6 weeks old.
Daycare (and now preschool) is just as normal to her as being at home. Especially since in her three years she’s probably had over a dozen different teachers. She’s learned to warm up to new people and situations quickly.I also work in an elementary school. (5 to 11 years old). I see kids that didn’t go to school at all before coming to us. Even some are homeschooled for a few years before starting school. I can usually tell the difference between kids who went to some kind of preschool (3-4 year old program, even part time) and who hasn’t. It’s not always a bad thing but it’s a harder adjustment for those kids.
-
In the US our child started going at 6 weeks old.
Daycare (and now preschool) is just as normal to her as being at home. Especially since in her three years she’s probably had over a dozen different teachers. She’s learned to warm up to new people and situations quickly.I also work in an elementary school. (5 to 11 years old). I see kids that didn’t go to school at all before coming to us. Even some are homeschooled for a few years before starting school. I can usually tell the difference between kids who went to some kind of preschool (3-4 year old program, even part time) and who hasn’t. It’s not always a bad thing but it’s a harder adjustment for those kids.
Where I live, here in Germany, it's unusual for children younger than one to go to any kind of day care. Starting at around age one I'd estimate that around one third of children go to day care. By age three virtually all children go to Kindergarten. In my home country, the Netherlands, it's much more common for children younger than one to go to day care.
What I find baffling though is that this German system is that it's fully geared towards mothers staying at home for very long periods of time. Not only does this not make sense on a macroeconomic level, but it also deprives people of social interactions that don't stem from being a parent, at least in my opinion.
Well, at least our day care is dirt cheap here, coming in at 280 € per month per child for five days a week between 7 am and 4 pm.
-
Where I live, here in Germany, it's unusual for children younger than one to go to any kind of day care. Starting at around age one I'd estimate that around one third of children go to day care. By age three virtually all children go to Kindergarten. In my home country, the Netherlands, it's much more common for children younger than one to go to day care.
What I find baffling though is that this German system is that it's fully geared towards mothers staying at home for very long periods of time. Not only does this not make sense on a macroeconomic level, but it also deprives people of social interactions that don't stem from being a parent, at least in my opinion.
Well, at least our day care is dirt cheap here, coming in at 280 € per month per child for five days a week between 7 am and 4 pm.
Out daycare costs were between $205-305 a week, so between $820-1,225 a month. Once she’s 5, school is free.
Being a new mom can definitely be isolating and I’m not a person who does well at being home. I like being active and doing things. I don’t regret having my kid in daycare. I do think the United States needs to do better at giving mothers the choice though. It’s almost impossible to be a single income family, especially with multiple children. But then daycare is so expensive too.
-
I'm sorry that happened to your child and to you by proxy. Sounds like a really bad time. Hopefully it wasn't all bad.
Take care.
Thanks. It's been ten years, I've learned to advocate for my son and myself over this time, and found a support system.
I felt trapped then. Thanks for understanding.
-
Thanks. It's been ten years, I've learned to advocate for my son and myself over this time, and found a support system.
I felt trapped then. Thanks for understanding.
Love to hear that you came out stronger. I have two kids about to "graduate" preschool, I can definitely relate to the stress.
-
Love to hear that you came out stronger. I have two kids about to "graduate" preschool, I can definitely relate to the stress.
It's really some of the hardest years I think.
They say parenting doesn't get easier, the challenges just change, which is true to an extent. The first 5 years or so, I'd say, the challenges can push you pretty hard.
It becomes much easier once a kid understands reason and can fully communicate. Before that, aye. I certainly sympathize.
-
It's really some of the hardest years I think.
They say parenting doesn't get easier, the challenges just change, which is true to an extent. The first 5 years or so, I'd say, the challenges can push you pretty hard.
It becomes much easier once a kid understands reason and can fully communicate. Before that, aye. I certainly sympathize.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Yeah, later year problems are more complicated, like convincing the child that what it wants is not possible, or that it has to learn to take responsibility, like getting dressed and going to school, being on time, wiping their own ass, stuff like that. There's gonna be power struggles...
-
Yeah, later year problems are more complicated, like convincing the child that what it wants is not possible, or that it has to learn to take responsibility, like getting dressed and going to school, being on time, wiping their own ass, stuff like that. There's gonna be power struggles...
I want to know when they start to brush their teeth unprompted lmao. My 12 year old still has to be propted, fuck if I forget to remind him
The best thing, because lord I know about power stuggles, is that my kid genuinely trusts me. And that matters the most.
